Theatre Rick!

2007-11-11T02:49:00.001-08:00

Just needed a place to park this image.

He he

2007-10-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

Pfft...I knew I couldn't keep it up. I post here now.

It's over

2007-10-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

Sigh. After a long (well, not so long) deliberation, I've decided that I'm going to finally ring the death-knell of my three blogs: this one, BoyInCorner (the poetry/writing/art one), and I'll Steal Your Soul, or whatever the fuck I called that one about photography.

Most of my friends' links on the side are either shut down themselves, and some of my personal links I've moved on from.

It's been a pretty good run, at least for most of college. I know I was posting at least 2-3 times a week back in the day (like a year ago), but not so much now. I sometimes ponder the reason I don't blog anymore.

Sun's theory is that people only blog when they're sad. I don't think that's necessarily true, but I feel like most of us casual bloggers (those who don't have scores of strangers reading their stuff daily) are like that. Not to say that I was sad, but I think deep down I was a bit unhappy.

I look back on Cal as an entirely different chapter in my life. Even from Freshman year, I think that I was unhappy with at least some parts of my life, and I used alcohol a lot to comfort the pain. Or staying really fucking busy. Not that I didn't crack here and there, but I was lucky enough to have an awesome Family of friends who were always supportive of me. I just remember the strangeness of my reaction to hearing my parents were finalizing their divorce: I got off the phone, couldn't cry, and decided that I should go drink, cuz that's what crazy depressed poets do (at least they did in my head), but decided not to because I had too much homework. So I waited until later that week to get really fucking smashed. I mean, what the fuck?

I feel like a recluse sometimes. I haven't talked to some people in a long time, who I should do a better job of keeping in touch with. I've made things awkward with old friends due to my politics. I sometimes still agonize over some of the fucked up ways I treated some people yet don't have the guts to apologize.

Sigh. I don't think this post is anywhere near as coherent as I'd like a final post to be, but part of it is that I didn't really think this out, and another part is that I'm sick and my brain is a bit overheated. Fucking fever.

Anyway, I will be starting up a new blog, when I get around to building my own personal site (although I've been saying this for like a year now, so we'll see if it happens) for my art stuff, so you'll be able to find me there. So it's not like I'm completely disappearing from the web. I mean, I've always been a bit of an exhibitionist, so it's not like I'm going to vanish from the face of the earth.

But thank you to everyone who still reads this. I think it's like maybe 4 people, but if there are more, thanks for a great run. I guess doing the fiery rebirth thing is more of Eve's deal (ya know, cuz she's a phoenix), but I'm a bit tired of this blog that reminds me of my exceptional hubris and I need to start from scratch.

But thank you everyone, past and present, who have read this, and made it seem like my words actually had some weight out there in the real world. And if you're interested in helping me with an art project, email me your address, and as soon as I get a PO Box you'll be getting something in the mail.

Goodnight/bye.

School starts yet again

2007-09-09T21:17:00.000-07:00

So in the past few weeks of not posting, a decent amount of cool shit has happened.

Vacation: so I ended up spraining my neck or pulling it, or injuring it somehow (most likely due to my poor posture while playing WoW), so we ruled out actually going backpacking. We did want to go camping, so we ended up going on the crazy ass drive to Utah to check out Zion National Park. It's really awesome there, and the canyons are beautiful, but since it was in early August, it was hot as shit. Crazy hot. Hot like a fucking oven. Like a fucking oven in Hell.

And if you know me, you know I don't like hot. So after hiking the Narrows (hiking through a riverbed upstream with huge canyon walls on each side), we proceeded to take a nap. I woke up thirsty, but we decided to drive past this huge arch thing, and we decided to do a little .5 mile hike. We figured it would be no big deal, but with the heat, only 1 Nalgene between the 2 of us (filled with warm water - yuck!) and a large elevation change, and as we headed back to our camp, we both started getting heat exhaustion. Fortunately, Eve had just gotten her Wilderness First Responder Certification, and busted out her handy rehydration salts. I was much worse, progressing from just a dry mouth to a headache to nausea. Eve started to feel better, and we decided that Utah is just too hot for us, so we packed up (2 days early) and drove back. I was too messed up to drive, so Eve drove the first 5.5 hours to Barstow, where we found a place to stay. We encountered some Asian-fetishizing white trucker dude at the check-in, but we managed to finally bid him farewell and after a series of mistakes (Card key not working, smoky room when we asked for non-smoking) we got a nice room. However, the tap water was unusually murky, so we ended up using our backpacking water filtration pump to pump the tap water from the sink to our water bottles. Pretty damn ridiculous.

The next morning I drove us back, and we stopped at Anderson's Pea Soup for an early dinner. Overall, it was a fun time, although much of it was spent on the road.

Other than that, Eve and I tried unsuccessfully to get a table at the SF Zine fest, but we hope to still make an appearance.

Eve just read me parts of some of her first journal entries while she was first joining Theatre Rice. It's funny hearing her thoughts on me, the cast, and Rice as a whole from a beginner's perspective (since I've long became a grumpy old member and lost that beginner's perspective).

Let's see, I saw SuperBad with Mike (funny, yet unsurprisingly offensive), and Eve and I have been on a movie renting binge, watching Bridge to Taribethia, Predator 2, Alien 3, The Bourne Identity, The Bourne Supremacy, The Bourne Ultimatum (in theaters, obviously), Intacto, and The Fountain.

The Fountain was pretty fucking cool. Kinda trippy, but we liked it. The Bourne movies were also pretty good.

Let's see, Eve and I hit up Green Apple Book's big sale, where everything at their clearance store is $4.95 or cheaper...we got a huge stack of reference materials and sociology stuff for like $50! For like 14 books! It was flippin' sweet.

We also spent a bajillion dollars on our school supplies, but it was less than the bajillion dollars we spent last semester as we already had like 50% of the stuff this time.

I start classes tomorrow at the brual 8:30 time slot, but alas, such is life. At least the buildings are closer this semester, so I don't really need to be on the bus until like 8:10. Beats having an hour commute.

This semester I'm taking a shitload of drawing classes, so I should better be able to at least decently draw people after this. Intermediate Figure Drawing, Clothed Figure Drawing, Intro to Anatomy = drawing lots and lots of people. Plus, some digital illustration class that is probably just going to teach me what I already know about Photoshop 7. But hopefully I'll learn a lot of new tricks..I hope they teach us how to do more painting and stuff and less editing.

Anyhoo, I have tons of projects on the back burner (why do I only get inspired to do cool shit when I don't have time to do so?) and I gotta kick this WoW habit I've been fueling the past week or so (but I do have some uber shoesies to show for it).

Oh yeah, also, it was nice seeing Mitch and John post-Japan trip, and it was cool hanging out (unfortunately for only a short while) with them and Seich, Mike, Ashwin, and Raj.

Okey doke, time to make sure I'm ready for classes and then off to bed for Rick! Huzzah!

camping trip soon!

2007-08-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

I just passed up the chance for a $3000, 3 day photo shoot in Lake Tahoe. But, the alternative will be worth it :) That said, it was pretty tough sending the email saying I'm not available for the shoot dates. Eh, such is life.

Zion or Yosemite, here we come!

Finals suck, 7-5-7

2007-08-08T23:57:00.001-07:00

So even though I shouldn't have, I accepted Mike's gift of tickets to the Giants game tonight, and was rewarded with seeing 2 home runs:
#1 being the 757th HR by Mr. Bonds himself, and
#2 being by THEIR PITCHER!!!

At that point, I knew the Nationals were doomed. I don't even really watch baseball (live is okay though), but even I know that when the pitcher fucking cranks one off from you, you know you're in trouble.

Thanks for the goodtimes Mikebo, sorry we couldn't have out longer after the game. I shall cherish my collectible PBR cup. Hope you don't get sick off those M&Ms.

Also, thanks to Mitch for the blog birthday wishes.

So of course the reason I've been updating more is because I'm in finals. And this summer session has sucked enough where I'm just trying to pass, and getting a strong B/B+ is just a nice plus. Remind me again that taking two classes in the summer is just fucking bananas.

Anyway, so Magnetic North got slammed by the man for a tiny, tiny sample in their song "Drift Away." They even tried to buy the rights, but the hater-ish Man ended up not letting them, and thus they re-did a new version that plays on their site. It's pretty spiffy, but just not the same. I'm glad I already got my copy with the OG version, but I guess since they can't sell the record anymore, they'll just have to come up with a whole new album to put the new song on. At least, that's what I'm hoping.

At least it's good news that they're getting big enough to fall under some asshole music industry exec's radar, right?

Anyway, Eve's still away at her Wilderness First Responder class, but thankfully she'll be stopping home tomorrow night as she has Friday off. She'll be mostly studying and doing more food shopping for the program, but at least I'll get to see her. Thankfully I have final projects to keep me occupied, but it's still a big change to have Eve be out of town for so long. I mean, I think the longest time apart was when she went to China two summers ago, and that was 2-3 weeks. Since then we've really haven't been apart for more than a week.

But she'll be home soon, so huzzah!

So Eve talked to me on the phone about a conversation she had with some guy who argued that he thinks that everyone on the planet has the best intentions in their mind, no matter the consequences. So at first, it seems like a benign statement, but this includes people like GW Bush and Hitler. As soon as she added this, I was like "who the fuck is this guy?"

Okay, I strongly, strongly believe that they DID NOT act under the best intentions. These two historical figures acted under pure selfishness. Bush does not act for what he thinks is the best for the world. He acts according what he thinks is best for himself and his rich, asshole friends. Hitler may have thought he was doing the best thing, but was fucking causing GENOCIDE.

Holy Buddha, what is this guy on? I mean, I'm fine with believing what you will...so long as it doesn't adversely affect other people. If you believe that people named "Jack" should be shot on sight, that's fine. But when you start threatening and/or actually shooting people named Jack, then you are wrong. If you are racist, that is not cool, because I cannot really imagine any racists never discriminating or anything or acting in some what which is harmful to the people they are racist against.

I know I've been pretty harsh on God-believers before, but I'm fine with people who believe in God. That's totally their business, and not mine, as long as they don't get into my business about it. Then, that's when they piss me off. When you launch a little campaign like the crusades or the Israel/Palestinian conflict, that's when you cross the line with me.

Likewise, no matter what the intentions, I find that when you are harming people, your beliefs need to be held in check. Especially when the taking of human lives are concerned. I mean, I don't condone racism, but having a pacifist racist is a lot better than a dictator with a God-complex and the means to commit genocide.

Ideally, I'd like to have faith that everyone at least thinks they are acting in humanity's best interest, but from personal experience, I know that is not the case. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have acted in plenty of occasions where the only thing I cared about was myself and making myself happy. I never killed someone, but I'm sure I've hurt a fair enough of people on purpose or at least acted without caring about whether or not they might get hurt. I regret my actions, and I'm deeply sorry, but nevertheless, I can say for a fact when I did what I did I was acting under pure selfishness.

So there, I've just proved you wrong, guy (whomever you are). I'd like to believe in people as a whole, but there are enough people who have been socialized/brainwashes/corrupted that I'm not going to stand back and just say "Oh, I don't agree with what they've done, but in their head they were doing what they believe is right." Fuck that, if some asshole went gay-bashing, I'm not going to excuse them because in their head they think that they're right. They fucking just took a bat to someone's face, and I'm not going to put up with that hateful shit. As much as you need to believe in people, some people's actions are so horrendous that you cannot idly stand by and let them go on believing the way they do. There is a difference between pacifism and inaction. People often mistake the two as the same, but there is a big difference.

Anyway, I don't know why I wanted to post about this, but that guy, who I have never even met, pissed me off enough to rant about this.

So now I gotta get back to cutting my mats and polishing up my charcoal renderings. Wish me luck on my portfolio reviews tomorrow and Friday!

Sex stuff

2007-08-05T23:39:00.000-07:00

First off, I should REALLY be working on my finals that are due this week instead of blogging, but I was browsing through my usual reads and saw that one of my comments had been replied to.

So I read this post on Poplicks about the a study on the reasons that people have sex. First off, it's a list of 237 reasons people have sex, and it's from a fairly homogeneous sample of people at the University of Texas.

The most bothersome thing about this post is that for most of the comments, people didn't even seem to notice that in the top 25, there were some disturbing reasons. Here are the top 25, and I bolded the shady ones.

1. I was “in the heat of the moment.”
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like “the thing to do.”
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God.
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends.
9. It’s exciting, adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to try to get a better mate than my current mate.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say that I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.

I mean, 24 and 25 are downright rape, but the rest are pretty shady, where 22 could also be rape, 12 is probably rape, and there are a lot of them which are just fucked up. I consider feeling like you have to sleep with someone to "fit in" or something really problematic.

I don't know about most people, but when I was single and was looking for a mate, if I was going to sleep with someone, I wanted them to want to sleep with me. I don't want to have to insist, or pressure someone into fucking me, I'd want them to fuck me because I make them horny. Isn't that what everyone wants from a partner?

Well, I assume sick fucks that rape people and try to trap people in emotionally/verbally/physically abusive relationships don't want that...well, they probably do, but they just can't get it.

Anyhoo, so I posted this comment as a response from Oliver (one of the blog's authors) to another commentor:

"You're missing the point - the study wasn't about confirming a consensus around the #1 reason, it's also about exploring the other, myriad reasons for having sex. Yeah, for most people, attraction is the key BUT that doesn't make it universal, nor applicable in every situation."
--

I also think that it just goes to show that there are some really disturbing reasons why people have sex, a few of which I consider rape (and at the very least sexual assault), such as
#24, #25, #30, #50, while there are a lot of reasons that point to manipulation or fear.

I found it more disturbing than anything else...

To which Oliver replied:

Rick,

I hear what you're saying though, I'd suggest that there's a thin, but important, line between coercion and pressure. Many people feel pressured into having sex, which is to say that soemtimes, sex is less an act of 100% personal agency and desire, and instead, involves the pressure to live up to certain expectations. However, feeling like you SHOULD have sex is significantly different from feeling like you have no other choice, lest you are subject to pain, death or injury (or social punishment on par).

Ask anyone in a long-term relationship or marriage: people have sex all the time when they don't ideally want to because they feel like it's an important part of maintaining a relationship. That doesn't equate to sexual assault, let alone rape.

That said, 24 and 25 are both clearly coercive.

To which I replied:

OW,

I agree that there is a thin line between coercion and pressure, but we (in the larger societal sense) tend to dismiss a lot of other types of violence as just "peer pressure." I see this as an over simplified outlook, as it doesn't take into account the privileges/oppressions affecting the psyche of either partner (gender, class, race, etc., etc.).

I agree, feeling like you should have sex isn't the worst thing in the world, but there are a lot of other types of violence that I constitute as grounds for rape besides physical harm or death. Society tends to overlook verbal and emotional damage (mainly due to the silencing shame inflicted on survivors and the lack of "real proof,") but nevertheless it's a real, harmful form of violence. I mean, the staggering rates of body image problems don't come from nowhere.

And to address the married couples point, I agree that having sex when the timing is off or your aren't 100% into it isn't necessarily anything close to rape or sexual assault, but I just wanted to point out that there are often times that when the line is crossed and women are raped because sex is seen as a duty that a woman must perform for her husband. This is a huge problem as most people wouldn't even believe someone if they claimed they were raped by their spouse.

Rape can take many different forms besides the idea of a stranger breaking into one's house and then forcing them at knifepoint. It more often comes in the form of supposed loved-ones threatening to leave, dropping roofies, or even someone pouring their date another drink before heading home. Rape is sex without consent. Period.

Threatening to leave may not seem like a big deal (and if it's an abuser, it might even be better for the survivor), but it is a very big threat when one has been emotionally abused to the point of being emotionally dependent on the abuser, or if the abuser is the sole source of income (in many cases of domestic violence I've seen, the abuser will even refuse to allow the abused to get a job so they'll be more dependent).

All in all, I agree with you that being pressured into sex isn't always rape (but perhaps maybe a indication of poor communication/a messed up relationship?) but I just want to point out that violence can occur in many, seemingly harmless forms, but can have serious consequences, and that there are many more frightfully instances of rape than people usually think of.

I reposed Oliver's comments just because I wanted to give a bit of background to where I was coming from. I just feel like coming from a radical feminist/anti-rape activist standpoint, that list is fucking disturbing. Why should people feel pressured at all? Sex can be such a cool thing, but can be so harmful and destructive. And there were a lot of other scary reasons:

174. I was afraid to say "no" due to the possibility of physical harm.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said “no.”
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
206. The person had taken me out to an expensive dinner.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.

I mean, what the fuck. And I could have probably added a lot more of the list. There are some great ones like:
32. I was “horny.”
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.

But I mean, are we as a society so fucked up that we'll have sex with each other because we were bought an expensive dinner? Because we want to fucking give someone else an STI? Jesus fucking christ, mi amigos, did anyone else read this post and get seriously disturbed?

I was talking with Eve about the idea of ever going back to school (I guess for a third or fourth go) to get a Ph.D. in Asian American Studies. I had pondered the idea previous to graduation from Cal, as I was interested on doing my doctorate studying the effects of the media on Asian American sexuality/body image, as there is practically no hard data on this. I mean, there is very little data of Asian American sexuality period, but most of it is focused primarily on queer studies as opposed to a more general picture of what Asian Americans are doing now in their beds (and bathroom stalls, and on couches and tables, etc, etc). But now, I'm a bit scared to do so.

I feel like our society is so fucked up and unloving we search for acceptance and love in all the wrong ways. We sleep our way to feeling more masculine or to get better jobs or to hurt other people. Ug. I think people need to learn to talk about sex more. And not the crass bragging, crude jokes, or whispered suppositives. We need to seriously learn how to communicate about this shit, especially with partners or potential partners.

Hell, we as a society need to learn how to talk about things in general. I feel like the greatest downfall of our generation is our inability to make connections with people. Yes, talking about serious topics honestly is a bit scary, but until we learn to face our fears and risk something, we're never going to get anywhere. I mean, to make a really bad analogy to Harry Potter, Voldemort is king in knowing how to manipulate people with the unknown. He makes it so people are so fucking terrified to even say his name, but once he actually shows up, he's just a turtle-faced goon with a wand. Seriously, after watching the 5th movie, I'm not even scared of him. I'd just run away until I could sneak up behind him and shank him in the kidney.

But seriously, we need to learn how to talk to each other. Parents, talk to your kids about sex and drugs and violence. If they ask you what the fuck a rimjob is, explain it to them. If you have a fetish where you need to have someone wear a rooster costume when you fuck 'em, tell your partner about it. I mean, if it's that big a deal, don't you want someone who will at least put on the rooster costume some of the time? We are so fucking terrified of fighting for what we want, we just sit by and let all chances of awesomeness pass us by.

If you want that rooster costume, find someone else who likes rooster costumes. You never know what someone will say until you ask them.

BTW, I just remembered something. So for all you assholes that went to see the Vagina Monologues at UC Berkeley and did NOT stand when asked "please stand if you pledge you'll do all you can to end violence against women," I wish I could fucking kill you. I can understand not standing up at the beginning if you aren't a survivor of rape or aren't at a point in your life when you can publicly admit it. I can understand if you don't stand because you're fortunate enough to not know anyone who has been raped (although really, someone you know and love proabably has been raped, but they just haven't told you). But if you can't even stand to pledge to try and end violence against womyn, I hate you. I basically consider you the same as a rapist, you sick fuck. It's not like they were even asking for you to march in a Take Back the Night Ralley, or go around wearing anti-rape T-shirts. They were asking you to do what you could to stop this bullshit, even if that just meant standing for something for once in your life, for one night, to show solidarity to all those womyn (and men) who were were survivors of sexual assault or rape. But you couldn't even do that? Fucking pathetic. You are miserable little shit-eating scum. God, I hate you so much, I would spit in your face and wipe your eyes with my used toilet paper if I could. Jerks.

Crimeny, glad I got that out of my system. That had really pissed me off a lot, and I just re-read part of Igna Mucio's "Cunt" where she talks about thousands of womyn pelting a rapist with used tampons. Of course, with my male privilege I'd merely support such a large throng of awesome cunt-tastic womyn, but shit, I'd love to have that happen.

To end on a positive note, 2 things: Thank you to everyone that came out to my post-birthday birthday bash at the Buckshot bar and gameroom. That place is so dope, I want to go drinking there again very soon. Anyone up for it?

#2: The "I thought he was a great guy...until he raped me" posters are everywhere! I'm so glad someone is addressing the fact that men can and do experience rape. I also saw a "Men preventing rape" organization when I was at CSU Montery Bay for my brother's orientation. I hope he joins. Maybe there is some hope for us after all, huh?

Thanks everyone!

2007-07-27T11:52:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone who sent well wishes and such yesterday. Sorry I missed most of your calls, but I was out in a museum when most of you called, or at dinner with Eve.

Dinner was good, as we went to a "Contempory Japanese Cuisine" place down by the Ferry building called Ozumo's. It was your classic Patrick Bateman-esque restaurant, but it was tasty, and they made good drinks. Their hamachi with avocado, ponzu, and jalapenos was really good, and their Akatsuki drink with pomegranate liquor was tasty. Overall, it was uber-nice, and the company was excellent.

Hopefully I'll have some sort of party/bar night or something next week for the homies. Maybe next Friday for those that read this that are in town?

So for my b-day, Eve got me something that now seriously classifies me as an online gamer: a "Fang" keypad. I now have a peripheral designed exclusively for online gaming. Crazy.

This weekend I'll be in Stockton for the bazaar, which is cool because I'll get to see people I don't see often, eat great Japanese food, and then hang out with the band, but is not cool because it will be super hot there, and I have shitloads of homework to do. Alas, sometimes you just need a break, ne?

I also managed to finish the Stephen King book "Lisey's Story," which was pretty awesome, and "The Alchemist," by Paolo something. He's a pretty famous Brazilian writer, and if I wasn't too lazy to get up and get the book, I'd let you know who he is. But both good books, with The Alchemist being a good tale of following your own personal legend and being in tune with the universe.

Anyway, that's pretty much what has been up with me. My life is generally taking a more routine spin, but it's a good thing. Even though I'm not doing too much new or anything super exciting, life is going in a good direction and things are fresh enough to keep me interested and busy. Hope life is well with everyone.

Another all-nighter

2007-07-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Great googly moogly. It's 6:52 am as I am starting this post, and I haven't been asleep since 10am this morning. I hate Monday and Thursday nights. I just end up staying up until at least 3am doing homework that I would have done earlier besides the fact that I do homework for my other class the rest of the time or am at work. Plus throw in shopping for food, trying to spend time with Eve, and battling the fruit fly infestation that seems to have come upon us, I am beat.

I am looking forward to the end of the semester. The good news is that we're already half-way through. Phew.

Other good things to look forward to: my birthday dinner! Weee! Eve is taking me out to some fancy Japanese restaurant. I'm looking forward to trying some of their fusion dishes and their mixed drinks. Yatta!

Also: Riding my new badass bike! Well, new to me, old to the world. It's some French vintage sparkly green road bike. Eve got me a badass lock for it, and now I just need a bike light, a helmet, and skill. For those that don't know, I am fucking terrible at riding bikes, since I didn't learn until I was 13, then promptly moved on to master rollerblading. Thus, there was not a lot of bike riding in my early childhood, and now I'm almost 24 and trying to bike in a crazy city with nutso traffic. Good golly.

Stockton Buddhist Temple Bazaar! Weeee! Eve and I will be visiting the hot beast that is Stockton on the Saturday (the 28th?) to indulge in udon, sushi, hi-lo, and manju!

Oh yeah, so Eve and I took Roz and her roommate out to Andalu's for her birthday dinner a while back, and it was awesome as always. Besides the usual goodness that we have already tried, we also got some miso-glazed sea bass in a mini lettuce leaf. That shit was good. Overall, fun fun times.

Another thing I'm looking forward to: Thursday! My school is having a hot dog social where I have class! At first I was a bit put off when I had my first hot dog social last semester, but then I found out they have veggie dogs!! Jackpot! Because most people eat the stupid meat dogs, there are literally all the veggie dogs I could eat. They buy like 30, and there are maybe like 10 vegetarians, meaning I get 21 veggie dogs to myself if I wanted them. Fuck yes.

Anyway, I guess I'll go make my lunch, as I would now be up getting ready for school if I didn't stay up all night. Hopefully there will be time to take a nap today, but with another portrait due Thursday and work on Wednesday, we'll see. If anything I'm getting to bed no later than 10 tonight.

Arg

2007-07-04T23:00:00.001-07:00

Does anyone even read this anymore? I feel (sadly) that it's still one of the easiest ways to keep track of my life, which is really, really pathetic.

This just goes to show that I don't have a lot going on right now, besides school and work.

Anyway, happy 4th of July, although I wore my World Cup Team Japan jersey to work today. Yes, I had to work today, which sucked because the store was hot (our air conditioner/heater is broken) and there were practically no customers. I find it ironic that we celebrate this nation of ours by shooting explosives into the sky, while other countries celebrate this great day by having explosives dropped onto them and such. Huzzah America!

Also, someone smokes around the little alleyway that leads to our apartment door has been leaving matchbooks and cigarette butts there. It's starting to slowly irk me, and I can't tell if it's someone who lives next to us, or smokes on our little stoop when they're in the laundry that's one house down from us. If I find them, I want to follow them home and poop on their doorknobs.

I realized that I think there are like a total of 4 people or something that have actually seen our apartment. I swear, I'll have a large party or something, but it's hard when our apartment is in perpetual disarray. Between Eve heading out on backpacking trips and working full-time, and me in school full-time and working part-time, we're just tired as fuck to clean up all our camping gear and art supplies. Sigh. Although we're working on creating a better organization system in order to find homes for all our stuff.

I went home to see Mick's high school graduation. It was hot, as per usual, and my dad ended up nearly ruining the day by being overbearing and yelling a lot. Ug. I love my dad, but he can be a real asshole sometimes. When the man is hot and irritated, he is not fun to be around.

Mick is going to be going to CSU Monterey Bay. I think it'll be good for him, as it's a small school (3500 students) and there's a lot of white people. I added that last part, since he's grown up in with predominantly nonwhite friends, and for him to make it in the world he has to get used to white people.

I find it really interesting, since Mick has grown up with a completely different experience than I did. I hung out with mostly white kids when I was growing up, and I think that experience made a huge difference. Also, having an Asian American Studies minor for an older brother has opened his eyes to a lot of differences in race/ethnicity and privilege, and he definitely knows that he is not white, which took me a fairly long time to figure out.

I love Eve. I just overheard her say "Yeah, Thomas Jefferson could invent all day, his slaves did all the other work." So true.

Anyway, so Paper Source is slowly getting more and more corporate. It's irritating and downright depressing. I feel like a lot of the other employees are getting hurt or disregarded, and it makes me pissed off that my friends are being wronged. Ug. I hope it doesn't get to the point where I have to start looking for another job.

So I had to deal with a possibly manic-depressive person in my figure drawing class. It was pretty fucking nutso (not to say she was nutso, but the situation was). She kept getting distracted by the male model's large penis and talked about how she was abused and hadn't slept in 4 days, and is an alcoholic and shit...so I had to deal with all this while I was trying to draw figures. And it's not like I'm already good at drawing figures-I'm probably on the lower end of the spectrum in terms of the class, so I felt it really tough to try and help this lady when I'm trying to make the most out of my $1800 class. So I'm actually kinda stressed out about tomorrow for class. I know no one else is going to want to sit next to her, and I don't want to sit next to her, but if I don't sit next to her I don't want her to flip out (since she was saying that all she wanted was for me to be her friend). Sigh.

Anyway, it's probably time for me to get to bed. So many projects to work on, so little time. I'm already looking forward to my next break in late August - hopefully E and I will get a chance to go backpacking.

PS - Catch the Transformers movie if you can. There are a lot of stuff that doesn't follow the comic books/tv show/toys, but boy, are the special effects awesome. Seriously, one of the coolest scenes was the Starscream transformation in mid-air at the end of the movie. The acting and the script was sketchy at times, but the fucking gigantic robots beating the shit out of each other made up for it. And they made Megatron so much cooler than the silly bleached-white phallus that he was in the TV shows. He is BADASS. Deceptacons rule.

Anyhoo, goodnight all!

What I've been doing in art school

2007-06-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

Check out my art/photo blog here to see some of the stuff I did last semester. School is starting uber-soon (Thursday!) and my right arm is still aching from overwork (rock climbing, too much WoW, long nights of design work, throwing pebbles at other rocks for about 30 minutes).

Anyhoo, anyone have any tips of burning DVDs with stupid Windows. I really need to get a copy of Nero again, as Windows keeps on prohibiting my burning of the anime that's on my computer. Assholes fucking windows. Goddamn, I need to get a Mac.

Bullet Post

2007-06-06T17:21:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead, just been recooperating from school.

I managed a 3.34 GPA this semester. Fucking awesome.
I didn't get my shit into Spring Show, but I am still hella proud about my portrait of Eve I did. I'll get around to taking a picture and posting that shit up soon.
I went camping with Eve's family this last weekend. My allergies suck ass.
I've been doing lots of design work for One4All Theater. Check us out HERE for our upcoming shows.
I hit 70 in WoW. Now I'm starting a new character, trying to get an epic flying mount, and trying to level up Eve's character.
I learned InDesign. Totally easy shit.
Uh, life is good.
We got some plants planted in our apartment. They're friendly and hopefully we can eat them soon.
Corn with salt, pepper, butter, and tabasco is fucking awesome.
Fruit from the Central Valley is the bomb.

Done

2007-05-21T13:38:00.000-07:00

Woooooo! I finally finished finals! I survived.

From Sunday at 9am to Friday at 5pm total number of hours of sleep: 10

From Friday at 5pm to Monday 12:30pm total number of hours of sleep: 21

God, finals are bru-tal.

School and transgendered awesomeness

2007-05-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

So I only have one class yet for the semester, then I get nearly a month of a break. Awesomeness. I've been going on 1-3 hours of sleep per night, and I have no idea why I'm writing this when I should be working on my projects for my Graphic Design class or sleeping. But, I did well on my portrait that I did for my Analysis of Form class. I ended up doing around 30+ hours of work on it, and I got the A- for the project I so madly craved. Fuck yes.

I ended up botching my other two finals for it, though, and I got a B on my Sketching for Communication final and a C- on my Color and Design dealy. But eh, my other grades in the class were enough to raise me up, so I think I'm not doing too badly.

Anyhoo, so I was checking some blogs, and I found out that in FRESNO, a transgendered person became Prom Queen!!! Holy fucking shit! How awesome is that! It really gives me hope that in a city known for its conservative views (the whole Central Valley is one big Republican shithole), a transgendered prom queen is possible. Fuck YES!! So fucking cool.

Also: I'm sad for all the Warriors fans out there who were disappointed by the last few games. It was awesome that they got so far, but alas, the magic ran out.

It's also nice to know that amid all the walking art school stereotypes at Academy, there are some really cool, genuine people. It gives me hope yet.

Okay, time to get back to work. Huzzah!

Asian Pacfic Heritage Month PSA (AZN)

2007-05-10T01:23:00.001-07:00

A dope video by poet Beau Sia. This man is my hero. Rock it, dude.

No sleep

2007-05-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

So as I descend into Finals Week, I must first differentiate the difference between Finals Week at Berkeley, and Finals Week at Academy of Art.

At Berkeley, when you have finals week, you don't have classes, and you just have to manage the sometimes insane final exams schedule, but if you were smart, you figured all that shit out during the last semester so when you sign up for shit, you don't get consecutive final blocks (ie a final 8am to 11am, and12:30pm to 3:30pm). God forbid you don't know what you're doing and you get like final periods 1, 2, and 3. Although at least you'd be done with most of your finals at the get-go...

Anyway, so at Academy, what is known as "Finals week" is much different. So you still have mandatory attendance in all your classes, you're getting new assignments during those classes, AND you have all your fucking 40+ hour projects due. Jesus fucking christ, what the hell are these people thinking?

So as your can probably assume, there is a reason why I'm up at 4:12am on a Sunday night complaining about how little sleep I'm going to be getting the next week. The fact that I have class 12-6 and a store meeting 7-9 tomorrow doesn't help the fact I have a painted rough due on Tuesday (which usually take about 10 hours to finish). It also doesn't help that I have my charcoal portrait due on Friday, then my Storyboards due Wednesday, then a shitload of comprehensive mock-ups (comps) due the following Friday. Oh yeah, plus work and rehearsals for Saigon/California, the One4All work in progress I'm currently involved with.

And I guess someplace in there I should sleep and eat.

Anyhoo, I'm going to get some sleep. Wish me luck.

Pre-finals post

2007-04-29T23:40:00.000-07:00

So there's three weeks left in school. I have to cut and bind a book, build a case for it, comp a set of take-out boxes, a shopping bag, a display box, and a bottle of balsamic vinegar, do a 50+ hour portrait in charcoal, finish 2 paintings using all the color theory I've learned so far, and do a grey-scale rendered 5 frame storyboard. And there's work, sleep, eating, and trying to spend time with Eve. Fuck, I gotta get my shit going.

Oh yeah, also rehearsals are starting soon for Saigon/California, another staged reading I'll be a part of via One4All (I'm filling in for someone who can't do it anymore). Sigh.

Not that I'm complaining. Well, I am, sorta, but at least everything I'm working on is fun. It's kinda like if I went to school and got credit for all the work I did for Theatre Rice.

Speaking of which, I'm sorry I missed the showcase this time around. I think it's the first show I've missed since my sophomore year at Cal. But, I've been too swamped with everything to make it out to the East Bay, and I completely missed Mock Show as well. Poop. You know, I always thought it was lame how alumni who lived in SF wouldn't make it to the shows. But I realize that the life of a college student is much different than that of a graduate. Completely different mindsets. Not to say that I'm not a student anymore, but it's soooo different a second time around. I feel like the only other people in my school that I can really relate to are the ones who are also second degree students, or are the part-time students who are working nearly full-time to make it. And the instructors. I think I'm closer to my instructors than I am to a lot of my classmates. But I guess that's the way it goes when you're an older student.

But yes, I submitted some poetry to be part of the showcase, and it didn't get in. In retrospect, I am so glad that they didn't accept my submission. Besides just not having time, I really need to just move on. I loved Rice while I was in it (besides the part where I stormed out and quit on the spot), but I really need to move on. I think I've always tried to make Rice more than what it was, but you definitely can't do much after you're not a part of the cast anymore. I really don't know too many people who are going to be in it after this semester, so I think it's a good time to move on. I feel like it's moving in an overall positive direction, and I think it's grown a lot even in the year and a half since I've been in it.

To be honest, there is a bit of resentment of being forgotten, or achievements being overlooked, but that's what comes with a college group where after 4-5 years, no one will even know who you are. But, that's how it goes, and most members don't even know what goes on with committees and the battle that were fought, and that's assuming that they would even agree with what you were fighting for. Sigh.

But, I'm sure Rice is in good hands. I've never doubted Rice's ability to survive, and from the size and talent of the current group, I'm sure it will continue to grow and prosper for many years to come. I don't want to seem like I'm "giving it up" or what not, because it was never really mine to give, but I guess I just wanted to have some sort of quiet closure and move on. There are bigger venues to pursue, larger opportunities for acting and such, and I just have to keep moving forward. I was going to say "and never look back" but I will. I'd be stupid to forget all the things I've learned from Rice, mostly about group dynamics, leadership, and what a group of crazy, determined people can do, and also all the times I've fucked up. Cuz if we never learn from the past, we're just going to make the same choices in the future. And who wants to be predictable?

Chris Dong once quoted someone who said "Fuck your fear," and this is one of the hardest, yet most valuable things to learn how to do. I was talking with Eve about the Spring Show, which is a pretty big deal at the Academy. You have to submit, and people choose what gets in based on merit. I've heard a lot of stuff gets in, but I've been getting caught up in the fact that I've never had a instructor say "see me later about submitting for the Spring Show." But whatever. I'm just going to submit my shit anyway (assuming I am proud of it), and whatever. If I don't get in this year, fuck it. I'll submit my shit again next year. And the year after that. Until I win shitloads of awards and get tons of offers of illustration gigs. Eve was comparing this thing to the matrix, like how if someone told me I had a 80% chance of getting into the show, would I submit? What about a 8% chance? 100% 1%? Fuck it, yo, I'm just going to do it anyway. Dreams aren't made off of sure bets. That's why they're dreams and not basic tenets of life. If it was easy to follow your dreams, everyone would be happy. But most people aren't. The happy ones are the ones that are either really good at settling, have low expectations, or risk it constantly and go for what they're after. I mean, I can't expect to get in if I'm slacking, but I'm slowly developing a better work ethic that is leagues better than the one I had in Berkeley.

So it's midnight, and I still should do some design work, trim some pages for my book, and lay down a few coats of paint. I'm fighting a looming cold, and I'm tired after working both Saturday and today, but fuck it. It's time to do it.

Art update

2007-04-18T01:05:00.000-07:00

So I haven't had the energy to scan in any of my large-scale charcoal stuff, so here's a value study of the line drawing I've been working on for my Color and Design class. There's still a lot I need to fix on the line drawing itself (as well as some of the values in the background), but I figured it's still decent enough for now.

Now, off to work a bit more on hw and then off to sleep.

This sucker was done with prismacolor cool grey markers over a photocopy of my line drawing with a regular roller ball pen.

Kenneth Eng go to hell and rot you sick fuck

2007-04-17T20:25:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I couldn't even finish watching this crazy fucker's full video. Laughing at the Virginia Tech shooting...what the fuck? This guy is a total disgrace to humanity. He is also such a fucking terror to the name of Asian Americans. Between Eng's asshole nature, his rant against Black Americans in AsianWeek, and the shooting, can anyone say "backlash on Asian Americans?"

I can't wait to be told to go back to South Kor- oh wait, I live in the SF. Nevermind. I can't wait for my brother to get beer thrown on him and be told to "Remember Pearl Harbor." Oh wait, that happened after 9/11. I guess they'll have to figure out something else to say when ignorant people verbally harass my family members.

And to point out what Angry Asian Man and Poplicks already has, is anyone else not surprised that all the media spins the killer's national origin as a korean national who immigrated to the US, as opposed to just saying "resident alien?" Hmmm, anyone else just waiting for a new immigration quota bill to get dropped on Congress' lap? Oh wait, there already is one...

Fuck, this shit makes me sad and angry.

Fuck crazy people

2007-04-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

First off, I'd like to express my deepest sympathies to all those lost in the Virginia Tech shooting today, as that tragic scene should never have played out. Additionally, I'd like to express my deepest sympathies to the families of the soldiers dying in Iraq, the Iraqis being killed by our soldiers, the people dying from starvation worldwide, the people in Stockton and other urban cities who are routinely being shot, stabbed, raped, and killed by drunk driving.

The crazy media coverage of this event seems to make me more angry than anything. To be honest, my initial reaction is: so fucking what. It's only 33 people. That many people die daily from bullets fired by our guns, starvation caused by our imperialistic expansion of capitalism, and from fucking plain old fashioned gang violence.

If you're going to mourn for those lost in this senseless, pointless, waste of human lives, then please mourn for all those that are being senselessly murdered daily by agents of our own consumerism. Hopefully one day we won't have to pick and choose who's lives are worthy of media coverage.

Until then, please, let's keep our heads on and end this ridiculous cycle of violence. Take care of each other out there, and if someone seems like they're cracking up, help them out. Sigh.

Momochi

2007-04-16T00:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently, that's the last name of a character in Naruto (Zabuza, if anyone is really interested), and I found that out from finally playing the Gamecube Naruto game that I bought used for $15 a long while ago. Eve and I have been playing it a bit for the past two nights, and it's a typical 2-player fighting game with soul-caliber-like strafing and such. It's extra fucking absurd, since it's been done in English who don't really sound like the Japanese voice actors for the series.

Tonight I had dinner at My Tofu House on Geary between 10th and 11th with my coworkers. Much madness and fun ensued, and then a few of us went out for a drink or two afterwards across the street. Fun times. I'm glad my coworkers at the Source are fucking cool people, cuz it would suck big time if I didn't like them. But I do, and that's probably why I like my job so much.

I find myself constantly inspired by my instructors at Academy. They really know their shit, and I think most importantly, they've lived the life and know what it takes to succeed as an artist. Basically, it all comes down to how hard you're willing to work and how badly you want it. It makes me take a hard look at myself and I have to try and figure out how badly do I want it?

I remember always wanting to be an artist from when I was a little kid. My mom would have a huge cookie tin filled with all the crayons I broke or didn't have a box (probably because I destroyed it). We'd also have tons of scratch paper from the printers at work so I could have a near-endless supply of drawing paper. I remember I really hated tearing off the edges of the paper (cuz it was from old skool dot matrix printers...remember those anyone?) cuz I wanted the paper to look like a regular 8.5x11 sheet of paper. I realize now how fortunate I was to have parents who were so accepting of art. My mom even let me decorate my own white converse all-stars with paint pens and puff paint. I was given washable markers when I was really little and allowed to draw all over our white walls, closely followed by my mother who would just wipe the walls clean after I finished.

I mean, it sounds like I was destined to become an artist, but somewhere along the line society got to me. I gave up my dreams for something practical, and now I have a Biology degree from UC Berkeley that can't do shit to make me happy. But, now that I'm back in school, I wonder how much hard work it's going to take to truly believe in myself and just go for it. Fuck rational thought or fear or anything else holding me back. I just have to pour every ounce of my passion into succeeding and I'm sure success (in some way or another) will show up.

I think it's interesting that I'm "going back to school" when I was only gone for a summer and a semester. But I feel like I'm so much different than I was even in my last semester at Cal. I moved in with an amazing person who supports me and believes in me even when I don't. I'm working to put myself through school and pay off my loans, and I've traveled to Europe and Australia.

I just feel so different. I feel so much older. And hopefully all these experiences and this (at least perceived) growth will lend itself to wisdom. I already find myself looking at school in a different light. I talk with the instructors more than my other students, and I actually try to achieve rather than just trying to pass. I still need to learn to spread out the work more and to procrastinate less, but I'm already getting better. Which is good.

I've always run away from my problems instead of facing them head on, and I'm doing my best to change that. Yes, it's scary to try something that could very well leave you with nothing. But I know realize that there's no way for me to succeed if I don't risk everything and just try. I've never done my best because if I do my best and it's not perfect, then I would have failed. But now, I realize that if I never try my best, I'll never be perfect. And although the difference between realizing this and doing it are like firing a gun and hitting a dime off a post at 200 yards, you gotta start somewhere, right?

Muse, assholes, B

2007-04-10T19:18:00.000-07:00

So last night Roz, me, Eve, and Roz's friends Sage and Aurora headed out to Bill Graham Civic to check out Muse. The concert was really good, and the performance was awesome. We were a bit far back, but the gigantic screens on the side of the stage provided all the closeups one could want.

There were a bunch of drunk assholes behind us, who I basically got into a test of wills for the entire concert. They were talking really loudly and obnoxiously during some of the quieter songs, so Eve asked them if they could talk quieter. They then proceeded to shout "No talking!" for the next few songs, in protest of us asking them to be quiet. Throughout the entire concert, they proceeded to scream in my ear, flick beer on me, and threaten to "mess me up." My responses were dancing wildly to upset them when they said "No dancing" and then when they nearly got into a fight with Eve, I told them to "Shut the fuck up!" Oh yeah, and after about 2 songs of one of the two jerks screaming into my ear from behind, I snapped my neck back and head butted him in the face. After that, they stopped for a while, and then one apparently jumped into me from behind. This prompted a girl next to them to go get security on the basis they tried to grab her, other womyn, and that he "punched that guy for no reason," with "that guy" being me. Fun times. Over all, it annoyed me at the time, but the childishness of these morons kind of amused me afterwards in retrospect.

Other than that, the concert was really awesome, and I ended up seeing both Alex Shen and Alex Choi afterwards. Crazy.

Anyway, I got my Color and Design project back, and I did better than I expected. I ended up with a B, which I felt was generous, but eh. I just gotta bust my ass on this next one, which I have a bit more creative freedom with, so it shouldn't be too hard to get excited over this one.

By the way, I really want to snag whatever Golden Era uses as their fake meat. We had dinner there before the concert, and it was fucking great. It makes me want to eat lots and lots of tasty fake beef and chicken. I really want to hit it up again and try their fake beef pho. Ug, I'm salivating.

Anyway, gotta make dinner and do some homework so hopefully I can check out this band from Japan that's playing in the city tomorrow. Peace.

New ink pads

2007-04-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

So I finally recovered from my other late-night midterm project. I'm still not sure how I did on it, but it was pretty shitty compared to what I had expected it to be. Ug. But, my next large project in Color and Design give me a lot more creative freedom, so I hope to really bust my ass and make it awesome.

School is crazy, as we're getting projects stacked upon projects, but alas, such is life.

Work is good. I got a promotion, as I am the new invitations coordinator for the Fillmore Paper Source. Huzzah!

Eve and I have finally put up a calendar on our bedroom door, so hopefully we can be more organized about cool shit to see and events to go to. Also, each other's homework schedule. It's all about communications.

Last week, we went into Stockton to celebrate Corbin and Donny's birthdays. We ended up taking Pat with us to the firing range, and shot a .22 rifle, a handgun (larger than .22, smaller than .45), and a rifle with fairly large bullets. I'm absolutely terrible with handguns. I can't shoot shit. Whenever I watch movies, I'm always amazed at how the hero can run past all these people shooting at them and never get shot. Now, after seeing how horrible a person can be at 7 yards with a handgun, I can totally understand. I've realized that I can do shotguns fine, but handguns and rifles I suck at. Eve is actually much better than me at handguns, and hit the target pretty dead center a few times.

Alas, guns are scary, mainly because the .22 feel like fucking toys. I could totally just shoot a .22 and feel like I was shooting a BB gun or something. Scary.

E is making curry right now, but the onion smell is making my eyes hurt.

Anyhoo, I'm totally digging this Indonesian restaurant, called... "Indonesia Restaurant." Despite it's incredibly obvious, unimaginative name, it's really fucking good. It's also right across the street from Borobudur, the Indonesian restaurant that we used to go to. Nice and easy to find, good food, and a better selection of dessert drinks. Huzzah Es Cendol! Huzzah Es Shanghai!

So yeah. Eve, work and school. Yup. That's about it. I plan to spend my Easter working on my website, fixing my broken button machine, working on homework, and just being uber-artistic tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to get some non-school painting done too.

Okay, huzzah! I'm off! Oh yeah, back to the title: I bought some new ink pads for my rubber stamps at work today. Fucking awesome colors! Kickass!

Jesus...I need sleep

2007-03-30T06:05:00.000-07:00

Just fyi, and my own recollection, it is 6:06 am by my computer clock, and I am still up. I've been up since 9:55 am, worked until 7:20, then came home and hung out with Eve until about 8:15. I then proceeded to eat dinner and work on my Sprout comic submission and my Graphic Design project until now, and I'm still far from finished. I have two label designs to come up with and trace and color, and 5 pages of comic to ink and letter. Let's see if I can get all this done by 11:15, so I can just come home and sleep until Saturday after my class gets out at 2:30.

What the fuck am I doing blogging? Goddammit!

PS - See After the War! It's playing right now at ACT Theatre. Fucking do it I say!

Holy Shit, if you live in SF SEE THIS MOVIE!!!

2007-03-19T14:38:00.000-07:00

So I just (finally) checked out the San Francisco Asian American Film Festival website, and I found that "The Great Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love-Thief" is playing!! This is the film that Eve and I saw at the Melbourne International Film Festival, and fucking rave about all the time.

Seriously, this documentary about the male "hosts" in Japan and their clientèle is fucking amazing. It starts off a bit offensive, but really digs deeper into Japanese culture and the universal search for love, acceptance, and real human connection. It also looks into the gendered lenses that people see each other through, and how these relationships and interactions affect the people on film. I really liked this film, and thought it was just superbly crafted, from the cinematography to the content. Check it out, it's playing in a few days!

In other news, it's been a whirlwind of a good week, although extremely exhausting. I finished my drapery midterm for my charcoal realism class, and ended up doing 11-13 hours for a B-. It still needed a lot of work to be to where I wanted it to be, but it looks decent enough. I find that Academy thrives on the question: "How bad to you want it?" And I've realized that I want it bad, but I need to want it more. And "it" being "to become an artist." So, I had better fucking step it up for the projects that I have to turn in after Spring Break.

The 14th of March marks the double-celebratory day of being our 2 year anniversary, as well as Eve's birthday. So, we hit up Andalu, and fucking gorged on tapas. The Ahi tacos, the crawfish pasta, the drinks, the Halibut paillard, the gorgonzola fondue...sooooo scrumptious. Fuck yeah.

Friday we had E's birthday party at our place. Thanks to everyone who came and made it a good time. It was nice catching up with y'all, and hopefully we'll have more shindigs in the future.

Sunday the V-day production team did a surprise dinner for E at Golden Era, this all vegetarian/vegan Vietnamese restaurant. It was a fun time, with hanging out with Roz at a coffee house after, and was also a delicious time. If you are veggie, and have ever craved meat again, this is the place. It has all these fake meat dishes that were awesome. The Sweet and Sour Chicken really lived up to its name (but was all vegetarian), and the Black Pepper Beef was frickin' amazing. The teriyaki salmon and the beef stew was also pretty damn good.

Anyway, so if you want to hang out, this week is it, as I only work Thursday and Sunday, and the rest of the time will be devoted to working on art projects, WoW, Eve, and hanging out. So hit me up!

Also: ANTI-FLAG on Thursday! Fuck yeah!

TR

2007-03-11T07:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is time again. Theatre Rice's Midsemester show has come and gone, and once again, I play the role of the critic.

I saw Friday's show, and I even took notes, but it's 7am, I'm not sure what I'm doing up, and I don't really want to go look for them, but it's still pretty fresh in my head, so here we go. Oh, once again, I didn't go to Mock Show due to work, so I apologize about that and also have no idea where the pieces were originally. And if I forgot your name, I apologize, as I'm nearly 2 years removed from my last time in Rice.

So first off, I thought the play on "STFU" as a theme was pretty cool. I was first put off a bit by it, but I figured I just didn't get the joke since I wasn't on campus. Once I saw how they subverted such an obvious acronym (for Shut the fuck up, for all those that didn't know), I liked it a lot.

I also appreciated how all the transitions were awesome little skits in themselves, all tied in to the theme. I don't think I've ever seen a show where all the transitions fell together to a show theme, so kudos to the cast for finally really owning up on the show's theme (granted, a really really broad theme that can be expanded to fit nearly anything, but a theme nevertheless). What was most impressive was just bringing in a whole "transition troupe" type of dealy. I heard this was a large cast, and this is a great idea to get everyone involved.

So first off was Improv, directed by Shawn Jain and Nath Chaney. They did a shorter form "Beginding" piece where the first line and the ending line came from the audience. The line was something like "how obscene can it be" or something like that. Overall, the piece went well, although the troupe could have cut out a few pauses and ended it quicker. I wasn't sure how long the piece was intended to be, but it seemed to be either a really long short form game or a really short long form piece. I thought the piece itself was very entertaining and a cool commentary on how our media is so obsessed with sales it will seemingly put any piece of schlock on the television. Also, the shirts that improv had were fucking clutch. Does anyone know if they made those?

Next was the piece directed by Jeena and Jina. To be honest, I can't remember the title of the play, and I can't find the program (I actually got up to look for it...it's cold!) , but I'll post that as soon as I find it. Anyhoo, so I must say, the acting was good. I was really impressed with both Janelles, J.Yu, and Ryuta's performance. Very well done. That said, I really, really, really disliked the play. This also doesn't have anything to do with Ricers, beside the fact they chose the play to put up. I just want to make the distinction, as I don't want Rice to think that it's sexist, but the play that I saw on Friday was. It's very deceptive: you have two leading actresses with long monologues who carry most of the weight on their shoulders. The characters Beth and Anel are most definitely the stars of the show. However, there are a few problems with the play. The first is that it perpetuates the stereotype of "crazy, emotional women." Throughout most "Western" literature, womyn are portrayed as highly emotional and crazy. It has been shown that in the early days of psychology, womyn were often diagnosed with hysteria and/or depression, for anything from not wanting to cook dinner on time to actually enjoying sex. Beth is the classic stereotype of an artist, who recited poetry while standing on a table and speaks in metaphors while laying on the floor. Anel tried to commit suicide, pops valium like candy, and talks about the book she's been writing "in her head." Hmmm.

The second problem I had with the piece is that although the womyn are the leads, the entire piece revolves around Carl, Anel's husband and Beth's lover. Carl has wronged Anel so greatly that she can't stop talking about him. Carl has also wronged Beth to the point that they go on and on raving on how much of an assface Carl is, yet in the end, Anel claims she's still in love with him. I see how this can potentially be a commentary on how absurd it can seem for people in abusive relationships to keep coming back to their partners. But I feel like people already know the tired stereotype of the womyn who keeps coming back "because he loves her." I feel like if the piece is trying to subvert this, Anel should get over Carl by the end of the play. But instead, she's lost all her fiery passion for destroying him and one of the last lines is her calling his name.

The third issue I had was all the passivity that the womyn showed in respect to their male counterparts. Anel groveling to for rent, Beth being passively carried off, Anel being told to "not get wet" while being treated like a child. The womyn act like they are crazy, and they are treated accordingly. Sigh.

I think a big issue I have with the acting world in general is the lack of good, progressive pieces out there. A majority of "established plays" are usually racist and/or sexist, mainly because a lot of them are written by white men with no concept of complex identity politics or radical feminism. I read Theater Bay Area once and a while, mainly to keep up on the new plays and to also check out playwriting and acting opportunities. But with the audition listing, there is never anything I would even want to act in. Fuck, I want some new playwrights with progressive ideals. Shit, I would even settle for some fantasy play about unicorns that just wasn't sexist or racist or homophobic. I don't need my art to be blatantly political (well, maybe stuff I write has to be), but I just need it to be non-offensive. Sigh.

Anyway, to return from a tangent, after the play was part 2 of improv. They did a Harold, which I really liked, besides a few awkward pauses here and there. Overall, the scenes were really enjoyable, although watching Shawn and Nath have dialogue based on their own interactions as roommates (I caught that CNN joke) was a bit cheap. Highly entertaining and fucking hilarious, but cheap :P I thought Jonathan and Leigh's use of the chairs and the environment was pretty fucking funny, as well as the the scene done with the cheerleading son. I also really liked how improv made a lot of strong choices in setting up a really obvious crass joke, then subverting it and not giving the audience what they expected. Overall, good good stuff.

Next up was CT. First off was the Bear Walk/Taco/Killer skit. So I thought this was an excellent adaptation of a classic horror film to stage. You had the seup, the people-filled tacos, a girl walking home alone, a creepy guy set up to look like the killer, then the killer's origin story , chase scene, and confrontation. I thought the writing was strong, the characterization good, and the mace gag great. My only issue is that it is an excellent adaptation of a classic horror film to stage. So this may seem contradictory (especially coming from someone who has until recently been a huge fan of horror movies), but I feel like CT did too good of a job parodying slasher flicks. Slasher flicks are formulaic, designed to scare people by preying off real fears and amplifying them. The most real threat is violence against womyn. Rape, murder, and abuse are all real threats that in some ways affect all of us, and directly affect over a third of womyn. Slasher flicks definitely take in at the box office, but something we have to ask ourselves is why do we like these films? Because of interesting plots and complex characters? No. Because we want to see blood and gore and bare tits and sex. Often times, the womyn are hacked to bits, eaten, skinned, and otherwise treated like animals at a bucher's shop. There have been books written about the detrimental nature of comparing womyn to meat (which mainstream society does ALL the time). Thus, my only conclusion is that slasher films are not feminist.

My main issue with CT's first skit is that although the chase scene might not have intentionally been funny, the audience was definitely laughing. I thought Kevin did a great job of being really fucking creepy, and I was definitely not laughing as he chased the protagonist out of, then back into Dwinelle. My point is that it was an awesome skit, but it succeeded just as Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hostel, and other slasher flicks succeed - at the expense of womyn.

The second skit, dedicated to one of the cast member's recently passed on grandmother, was pretty clutch. I have heard that the skit had a lot of problems initially, but I thought it was extremely well done. It was funny, poignant, and tragic, and was extremely enjoyable to watch. I really liked the use of the red cloth, and the "truth" behind the grandparent's story of how they met. I can't speak on the portrayal of Vietnamese culture/representation since I am ignorant of life in Vietnam (besides the snippets I've gotten from Jimmy, Bruce, Lili, etc), but it seemed representational to me (which of course, could be the problem if they got it wrong). But the multi-generational characters, the storytelling aspect, and the fucking rock being punched to dust was good stuff. Probably up there in terms of my favorite skits.

The third skit, about Internet Addiction, was also pretty damn good. I loved the counterstrike addict with the mouse grafted to his arm, the facebook guy, the wikipedia nut. Such good characters, and they still managed to write a story into it. I really liked Dr. Jane (Melody's?) monologue at the end about the power of choices and how lucky one is to have friends that care. Overall this was a really solid piece that was funny, had great characterization, had some social commentary in there, and told a simple, yet entertaining story.

I thought CT as a whole did extremely well, and they made some really strong choices throughout the show. They even had dancing flowers and giant cardboard props, which I always love.

I also liked the intro and the outro ideas with the Jet song and Jeff getting really upset about all the dancing while trying to eat his burrito. I don't think anyone is as funny getting really pissed off as Jeff is, only because he's such a chill guy.

So great show everyone, and I look forward to Showcase.

000101010101010101

That was my robot-speak for "page break." It also could have been me missing the dash key, but whatever.

Anyway, so art school has continued to kick my ass in terms of time, but I managed to sneak out of working on my various midterm projects to catch dinner with Pat in J-town last night. I did some natto ramen at Sapporo-ya, which was pretty good, but not good enough to spend another $12 on. We were talking about school, and Patrick's good quote was that "School isn't hard, it's just demanding." I think that's right on. I mean, I know it is hard for some people, as everyone has different learning curves, but yeah, school isn't hard. It just demands a lot of time and attention. I mean, drawing photo-realistic is not hard. It really isn't. It just takes a lot of time, self-critique, and a lot of time. Really, if you're shown how to render a torso, and you have an infinite amount of time to work on it, you'll eventually get it. Skill is just a measure of how fast you can get that photo realism. I saw an airbrushing magazine once, which a picture of a womyn on the front cover. I opened it up, and realized that the photo on the cover was not really a photo at all, but a painting. It took the artist around 80 hours to complete, but fuck, it was perfect. That's all art school is. How much time are you willing to invest in your work? My sketching instructor said that he makes it a point to draw something every single day. I've tried to do that (I've been successful thus far), and while it used to take me about a year to fill up one sketchbook, I'm nearly done with one I bought at the beginning of the semester. Granted, most of it isn't very good, but there are some ideas in there I want to pursue further, and I'm surprising myself at how much I'm improving already.

This drapery assignment due Wednesday is worrying me though. I have work today, a meeting after, then a few hours to work on it AND other homework due tomorrow. Then, I have class all day and a painting assignment due Tuesday and other homework due Wednesday. So I basically have a few hours before work, after work, and on Tuesday night to finish it up. Sigh.

The good thing is that Eve's birthday/our 4 year anniversary is coming up. Well, technically, it's our 2 year, but we feel so comfy with each other we multiply the time we've been together by 2. We're going to Andalu's, and I am very excited to hit up all their awesome tapas. Huzzah!

The bad news about that awesome celebration is that I have a shitload of designing to do on Thursday night due on Friday, plus I have to clean clean the apartment by Friday night, and then I have a field trip early Saturday, then work Sunday...then....AAHHHHHH!!!

God, so this is what it's like to actually apply yourself to school.

Anyway, I'm off to work on the drapery a bit, then work, then the drapery. Woot!

Crazyshit

2007-03-05T02:04:00.000-08:00

Kenneth Eng is such a fucking nutjob. I just needed to point that out. The scarier thing is that a) AsianWeek fucking gave him a column, and b)all the assholes on the message boards supporting his fucking wacko, racist bullshit.

Fucking assholes.

On a better note, I went to bikram yoga on Saturday with Eve at Funky Door. That shit worked me bad. I'm all sore, and I felt like shit afterwards, but I totally want to go again. I'm not letting any frickin' trial period kick my ass.

Although, this yoga seems to focus on cleansing and rejuvination with strength and flexibility coming next, while I feel like the yoga class I took at Cal was the opposite. I'm not sure which one I like more, but eh, we shall see.

I performed as a guest with the Kamikaze Theory at the Kamikaze Lounge via One4All Theatre. It was nice performing again, although since I jumped in to fill a vacant spot at the last minute, things were a bit rushed, hectic, and just fucking wacky. I felt a little weird afterwards, as I felt like I was putting shit up like in my first semester of Theatre Rice. Funny penis jokes and me dancing around in a Spider-Man costume. Sigh.

I'm still craving something more intense and taxing and challenging, as well as something more progressive. I always wonder where the radical playwrights are. Are there any?

Lately I've been feeling very much isolated from the world. More and more, I realize that it's hard to find people who are really fucking fed up with our society. I feel like we're all so wrapped up in fighting our own battles, we aren't looking at the larger war against oppression. I know this is a privileged point of view, as I realize that the reason why there aren't that many minorities in anti-war or environmental protests is that most minorities are working towards just being treated as equals.

I dunno. I'm sure people are trying their best. I mean, I sure as fuck don't know everything about every social issue, and I don't have the energy to fight for every single cause day and night. I can barely blog every week. But I still feel like there are very few people out there who see me eye to eye.

Perhaps this is due to my unrelenting high standards. For everyone that has known me, I'm sure you've noticed that my ideals are too lofty for any human being. I hold myself to these standards most of all, and I feel like every falter is a failure.

I dunno, I just want people to know (and I don't even know how many people still read this), that I'm sorry if I seem like an elitist asshole at times. Also, most of you don't meet my standards of the perfect human being, including myself. I mean, granted, no one is perfect, but I just wanted to honestly throw that out there. I don't even know where I'm going with this, and I don't want to alienate anyone, but yeah. I don't expect any of you to hold me in high regards. I've been a drunk, a hypocrite, molester, cheater, thief, liar, condescending, elitist, and passive-aggressive jackass, and I don't blame you if you think of me in this way. But yeah, if you're still willing to be my friend, I'm willing to be yours. Just saying.

Anyway, I have to go to sleep. I think I'm getting sick again and I'm fucking tired. Good night.

Thank you Beau Sia

2007-02-27T19:35:00.000-08:00

So I don't know how many people have been following the whole "Ching Chong" shit with Rosie O'Donnell, but it seems she has finally made an actual heartfelt apology on her own blog. This has come about from this video by Beau Sia which he posted on youtube as an open letter to all the Rosie O'Donnells of the world.

Also, check out Angry Asian Man's survey, to help him focus his content a little bit better (and I guess, advertising). Help a brother out.

In other news, art school is starting to pick up and I have a feeling it's going to get pretty brutal quick. Midterm projects are coming up! Egads!

Anyhoo, I'm thinking of trying to figure out how to integrate this current blog onto what will eventually be my own website, but we shall see. I guess I should actually make the website before I migrate anything over, eh?

Anyway, I just saw the Beau Sia video, was inspired to post, and thus, I have. Huzzah!

Drapery

2007-02-22T19:54:00.000-08:00

So as the madness behind V-Day dies down (we made $100 to give to Bay Area Women Against Rape!!), and school has started to pick up, I find myself just as busy as ever. I feel like it's difficult finding time to do things such as blog, do my laundry, grocery shop, and the like. On the other hand, I'm finding plenty of time to paint, draw, create, and explore new films and art work. Such is the balance of time, it appears.

I'm currently working on my Analysis of Form's midterm project while requires probably around 50-70 hours of my time for an A-. At the same time, I'm working on a comic for submission to Sprout Comics, as well as an animated film that we hope to finish in time for the Kurosawa Film competition.

I've been feeling like this incredible momentum is slowly building. Some poetic tidal wave is once again brewing inside me and I feel like it's all I can do to keep from letting my art take over all my life. It's hard to even just take the time to enjoy a nice dinner or sleep in (err, I guess I don't have a problem with that aspect) or to just not do something creative. I have a million ideas brewing inside me and I wish I could just go crazy nonstop.

I guess art is really what I'm meant to do. Between One4All Theatre Co. (even thought I haven't been super active), Academy, and my own projects that I'm working on (three book ideas, the short animated film, new poems, revisions of older plays, new play ideas, comic ideas, and a few new paintings), and even Paper Source, to a certain degree, I'm living, eating, and breathing art now. I guess I always have, but I don't think I've ever felt as confident and determined as I do now.

Perhaps it is just as simple as having professional artists tell me that great work really does take time. I've always found that given enough time working on any project, I do a pretty decent job. I always thought that it gets quicker, that after a certain point you can do photo-realism in like 30 minutes. And I guess it does get sorta quicker, but that's after 10 years of working at your art for every day. So that's what I'm working towards now. I may not be able to craft all my art at once (it's hard enough to just draw every day, but to also paint, film, edit, rehearse, slam, write, print, design, and sculpt?), but what the fuck. You gotta just follow your heart sometimes.

Anyhoo, I have to do some type studies for my graphic design class. I'm definitely going to chance my major, and I think it's going to be Illustration, but I may end up going the Fine Art route. I need to schedule meetings with the department chairs to see which one is right for me, although it sounds like Illustration is the way for the Rick. I'm all about story-telling, and from Eve tells me (she did Illustration when she was at Art Center) I should go the route of an illustrator.

Also, I bought some new earphones (since I stepped on my last pair and crushed them), and the fucking left ear bud doesn't work! Now I have to send them in so stupid Sony can take their sweet-ass time and send me a new pair. Grrrr. So troublesome.

On a good note, the new Naruto anime series has come out (the one after the 2.5 year jump). So far, it seems pretty promising, and from what I hear, good stuff should be coming soon. Also, I'm stoked to be back in the non-filler Bleach, and the whole Aizen storyline is building up quite nicely. Score. I also downloaded the first few episodes of Death Note, which I'm looking forward to checking out per Seichi's advice.

Okay, off to finish my hw and get started on the comic submission. Toodles!

Whew

2007-02-12T10:29:00.000-08:00

So the madness that was the Vagina Monologues is finally over. I'm relieved that I can get back to focusing on school, but at the same time meeting such amazing people in the cast and crews was just fucking sweet.

I was told the other night that I was the reason that someone took FemSex, and that taking the class had changed their life. Even though I attribute the life-changing experience to the class (which is fucking awesome), it was nice to hear that I've been able to make a positive impact on someone's life. Also, someone came up to me and told me that they still remembered the poem I read a few years back at the Women's Rights Conference pre-conference show, and that they really liked it made me smile :)

On the downside, I'm fucking angry. A person was sexually assaulted last night AT THE SHOW. You would think that the one night where we can hope for a violence-free night, some scumbag fucking assaulted someone in Wheeler.

Also, I'm fucking angry at all the audience members that refuse to take things like V-day seriously. These are not fucking jokes, you goddamn idiots. You may say that I don't have a sense of humor, but that attitude of condoning rape jokes, and verbal harassment of womyn is what causes all this shit. People who can't even stand to promise to help end violence against womyn make me sick, and I understand that it is hard to stand up for something, but I don't see why you can't even fucking promise to just do what you can to stop this. It fucking saddens me and is just so frustrating that a scream is building inside me.

On a positive note, thank you to everyone who came out and really supported the show. Also, thank you very much to everyone who bought stuff from me this weekend. My estimates show that we can probably donate around $100 to Bay Area Women Against Rape. It's not much, but hopefully it can at least do that much to help survivors of rape. Every little bit counts.

Also, I never had time to finish my website, as I've been sleeping past 3 every morning to try and finish the initial product line, but whatever. I gave out my card this weekend, so I'm sure there's people looking at the unfinished site. Check us out at StopAndThinkAboutIt.org.

Anyway, I'm off to school, but I just wanted to say how proud I am of all the individuals that made V-Day happen both at Cal and around the world. Especially Eve, whose dedication, commitment, and passion for humanity made the show more than just a show; it really became a movement.

And just so you know, if you're reading this and you won't take the pledge, right here and now, to do whatever you can, no matter how big or small, to end violence against womyn, don't bother ever talking to me again. So fucking swear it and let's change the world.

School starts tomorrow

2007-01-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

Highlights of the week:
-helping a really awesome queer couple with their commitment ceremony invitations at work
-picking up supplies for art school with E
-hitting lv. 61 in WoW
-hearing from Dan and Sun

Sublights of the week:
-feeling a bit overwhelmed
-working Friday-Monday
-being unsure about art school

I guess fear is just a part of life, and that's the way it goes. I'm a bit nervous about art school, as my drawing skill has never really been critically analyzed before. It must be what it's like for artists to take bio classes and such. I'll be using a whole different part of my brain than what I am used to and will be going about school in hopefully an entirely new way. You can't really skip class and not do homework in art school...

Well, class starts tomorrow, and from what I can tell I'll probably be one of the oldest kids in the class. It'll be a lot different from when I started Berkeley. You know, I'm also a lot more scared of art school than I ever was of Berkeley, but I'm glad I have Eve's support to help get me through.

Like she says, nothing is scarier than following your dreams.

ARRRGGGGGGG

2007-01-25T18:53:00.000-08:00

So Eve and I had our orientation for school today. It was a bunch of boring, mostly useless crap, other than the fact that we got our new student IDs, picked up most of our supplies for classes (sooo much money for art supplies!!!), and I got a class waived. I also found out I don't have to take ANY liberal arts classes since I'm going for my 2nd Bachelor's. AWESOME.

Anyhoo, my frustration stems from reading this CRAP. It's some person's blog who I found out through Sutanto's blog here.
So this blogger in question, Xiaxue, has a post basically saying that this white American marine, who is convicted of raping a Filipina womyn, is hot, and that the rape never happened. She also says things like "How's a guy to know if, at the point of penetration, whether a girl is just playing hard to get by saying no? Jap porn has all the girls saying no but they all enjoy it in the end."

Fucking sickening. Uh, for one thing, the term "Jap" is racist, and porn is not real life. It's a fake set-up to play into male rape fantasies. Ug.

Her main points are:
-"Firstly, I don't know much about drunkeness, but I've seen my friends at it, and it appears that drunk people do not know what the fuck they are doing.......Yeah? If you know you will get taken advantage of when you are drunk, how about this: DON'T FUCKING DRINK."

-"Secondly, you don't consent to dancing with like 4 caucasian guys in drunken stupor, probably in slutty clothes, and expect that among all 4 of them, none wants to have sex with you....
I know a girl can agree to dance and not want to have sex, but to a certain extent we have to agree she kinda asked for it."

-"Thirdly where the hell did her sister go to, if she was pulled unwillingly out of the bar?

-"Fourthly, I know I sound ridiculous saying this, but Smith is totally hot. Rape is supposed to be traumatizing, but I don't see how screwing someone who looks like a hot US Marine, wait, IS a hot US marine can be so bad.

I can understand how some girls can feel all violated and disgusted when some old fat man rapes her, but Smith!"

Good. God. I have never felt the urge to strangle someone as badly as I do now. Sigh. Oh wait, make sure you note that she said "she kinda asked for it" and not "she deserved it" as she points out so vehemently later on.

So if you scroll up on Xiaxue's (or Wendy, as she apparently goes by) blog, you'll eventually come up to a response post to all the people calling her insensitive, a stupid asshole, etc (which is surpisingly few, compared to all the other people who wrote in to defend her views). She proceeds to defend herself against what she felt were the majority of the complaints listed against her (in the large blue font)

-"1) I do not believe Nicole was being raped, but indeed, had consensual sex with Daniel Smith.

I quote myself, "I don't know whether it is just me, but it seems pretty ridiculous to me that the girl got raped."
There were evidence that she got raped, but as far as I am concerned, it is definitely not proof beyond reasonable doubt.
Daniel Smith, in this case, is not a rapist in my mind.
So, to accuse me of saying rape is ok is not possible at all, simply because I don't even think rape occured in this instance!"

-"2) Rape by a good looking person is less traumatizing than rape by an ugly person.

Not totally not traumatizing, but significantly less traumatizing. How little trauma there must be to cross the line to consensual sex, that's the confusing part."

-"3) Am I saying that a good looking person can never be a rapist?

NO. I never said that - only idiots give sweeping statements like that.
What I am saying is that it is just more incredible and unbelievable that a good-looking person is a rapist."

-"4) In the unlikely scenario that Nicole indeed got raped (which I do not believe in, but hypothetically speaking), I think that Nicole asked for it. BUT I don't think she deserved it.

No difference in the two, are you kidding me?
If Mother Teresa went to poke a sleeping lion in the eye, she is ASKING FOR the lion to bite her, but she doesn't DESERVE getting bitten to death."

Okay, so my take on this is that
a) by defending someone based upon his race, national origin, and looks, who has been convicted of rape, you are DEFENDING RAPE ITSELF. It is this mindset that causes a majority of sexual assaults to go unreported. Our society is taught that womyn are objects, and not HUMAN BEINGS, and that being raped is something shameful that should be kept secret. It is this "blame the victim" mindset that pisses me off so much. Why is a crime that is committed AGAINST you, supposed to shame you? You didn't do anything wrong, but yet survivors of rape and sexual abuse often feel deep pangs of shame and self-doubt. Fuck this society that blames the victims and not the perpetrators.

b)Rape is rape. No matter how good looking someone is, it doesn't feel good to have sex with someone who you don't want to have sex with. Sex shouldn't be traumatic. If consensual sex is traumatic, it is not traumatic. No one should have to sleep with anyone they don't want to, period. Sex is so shrouded with secrecy (granted, at the same time worshiped and sold publicly) that we are socialized that we should have it when someone attractive asks for it. We're socialized to think that it's our duty once we're in a loving relationship. Spouses demanding sex and getting it even somewhat unwillingly is rape. And although I find it absurd to even address this argument, if someone ever, EVER says "no," "stop," or anything else that might seem like they don't want you to keep doing what you're doing, you need to stop. Anything farther and it's rape. If you want rough sex, or want to pretend you don't want it, discuss it with your partner, and play it safe. Safe words. They're used for a reason, people.

c)It's more incredible that a good-looking person is a rapist? I severely doubt that. Wendy seems to think that rape is about the sex. Rape is about power. Its the power that an American white male who is in the US Marines has over a Filipina womyn who is drunk and not capable of fully offering consent. It is about the power that the most powerful country in the world has over a country who has been crippled by centuries of colonialism, military rule, and corrupt governments. It seems to me that good-looking people (and I don't even think this guy is that good looking), would be the most likely person to rape someone. We live in a sexist, racist, militaristic, nationalistic, lookist world. So giving in to the notion that David Smith is attractive, he is also privileged in being a white American male who is good-looking and in the marines. Uh, with that sort of power and privilege, who would even suspect that he would get caught for raping some womyn from an economically-disadvantaged country? If you really thought you were going to get caught for something, would you do it? No. He thought he would get away with it. And I'm glad he didn't.

d) So Wendy thinks she asked for it. Well, I think that a marine who goes about dragging a drunk, scantly-clad womyn into a van with three of your buddies is asking for a rape charge. I agree, it's strange that his friends and the cab driver weren't charged with being accomplices, but I think they should be. And honestly, perhaps in the world we live in it is not wise to go out with 4 marines after a night of drinking and dancing, but it is exactly this kind of mindset that makes it unwise. Womyn should be able to drink, dress how they want, and have a good time without the fear of being escorted into a van and raped. In my mind, she wasn't asking for it unless months after it happened she was happy about the night in question.

Sure, I'll play along. It sucks to be thrown in jail for what perhaps you thought was a cool one night stand. Sure, she got down with you on the dance floor, and made out with you, so you figured she would be into it when you'd fuck her. But for me, even if this is all said and done, do you really think she wanted it that badly enough to struggle to the point of her wrists being bruised? Maybe she bruises easily and she did want it rough. But frankly, if it was me two years ago, and I was making out with a girl, and she took me home, and suddenly pushed me off of her, I would probably assume something was the matter, as opposed to think that she really wanted me to have rough sex with her.

In no way can I justify Xiaxue/Wendy's post. I understand that the cab driver may have been beaten into a confession. I also understand that the united states military picked Smith to be the scapegoat of a gang rape, in order to distance their reputation from Smith's actions. I also understand the patriarchy that is a part of Filipino culture, and that perhaps a man would testify that everything was okay in the cab because he thought the womyn deserved to be raped or felt a kinship with the other men or was paid off. I understand where we are so fucked up and disconnected we HAVE to drink to be able to socialize.

This is the reason why you should check out the Vagina Monologues at UC Berkeley February 9-11. Eve is directing and she's making it painfully clear that womyn's stories need to be heard. The good, the bad, the painful, the joyful, these stories need to be heard in order to prevent ignorance like this. This is the reason why classes like FemSex and FemAction need to be held. This is the reason why Take Back the Night needs to be an event every semester. This thinking is the reason why Eve was raped. Why I've been both the assailant and the assaulted. Why I can't stop writing poems about domestic violence, rape, and our patriarchal society. Why I can't forgive myself for nights where I don't know if I might have raped someone.

I can't stop asking myself questions. Were we both too drunk to consent? Have I been raped? Have I raped? How many past partners regret something they've done with me? They aren't easy questions, and the answers are even more difficult, but these are the reasons why I can't stop fighting for a better world.

To anyone who has ever felt violated by me, I'm sorry. This guilt that I don't even know is necessary weighs me down constantly, and although I know it cannot make up for the way I made/make you feel, I hope it is some consolation that I'm not happy how I treated you, and I now do what I can to make sure that it doesn't happen to others.

Good night.

School starts soon!

2007-01-15T19:03:00.000-08:00

So life has been pretty nonstop for me recently, thus my lack of blog postings. Seichi and I went to a bar on Friday night, and Saturday Eve and I went to the SF MOMA, saw "Letters from Iwo Jima," and had some good food. We also hit up Pearl Art and Craft and picked up some more stuff for our humble gocco.

I learned how to take letterpress orders at work now, and after doing two orders already, I've already made some commission off it. Awesome. If anyone needs uber wedding invites, let me know.

I took a pop-up class for the Source and finished my Create and Build requirements, so I get a fifty cent raise, plus knowledge of how to do pop-ups! Woot woot! I'm thinking about doing pop-up V-day cards for the Vagina Monologue booth, so stop by and keep your eyes open!

The Burning Crusade Expansion for WoW is coming out tonight at midnight. I was debating whether or not to go all the way to EB games to pick it up, but I've been so tired lately I think I'll just pick it up tomorrow after work. I also have to go in early to clean, so I think it's a nay.

So Letters From Iwo Jima was a really good film. I liked how it's obviously an American film, but it's nearly entirely in Japanese with English subtitles. I also liked how they didn't bother to subtitle people's names when that's all that's being said. It makes you have to recognize foreign names, and I like that. It also questions the idea of nationalism, loyalty, honor, and all that other crazy stuff that we have to think about in this modern era of war. Overall, I recommend it.

E and I stumbled onto a cool new anime with awesome animation called Ergo Proxy. Pretty badass and highly recommended. Eve made me a magnet of one of the characters, and it's totally chilling on my desk. Sweet.

I'm taking 5 classes this semester, and I start not tomorrow, like some of you Berkeley folks, but on the 29th. Fucking nuts, yo. I'm going to have to get used to a)doing homework, b)doing projects instead of midterms and finals, and c)being hella fucking older than a lot of these kids. Eve and I were at the open house, and there were so many young people. I was like "Shit, I feel hella old." And not to bash 18-year olds, but just 6 years later, I feel like they're so fucking young. Crazy.

Anyway, I'm going to go work on my pop-up design and play some WoW, and then wait for E to return home from her V-Day meeting so we can watch some of the movies she got from the public library. Go public library! Wooooo!

Peace out.

No posting for almost a month? WTF?

2006-12-30T17:58:00.000-08:00

Holy crap. I guess I haven't posted in a long, long time.

Anyhoo, so my life has basically boiled down to work, sleeping, and hanging out with Eve. I've been working like mad to try and pay all my bills bills bills, and the good news is that I'm getting more financial aid from art school than I had initially thought.

So either my huge private loan will be hacked down to size, or I'll have a shit load of extra cash to pay off credit card bills with and partially fund my online webstore's inventory. I played with the thought of going with a online store that I found through the site of one of my coworkers, but I feel like there's too much going on there and it would cost too much and would involve extra steps to doing what I want to do, so yeah. But I'm working on getting a paypal type store set up once I figure out all the html and stuff.

Anyhoo, so events of notice:
-I worked the Fri-Mon before Christmas and it was fucking insane. Soooo many shoppers, tons of inventory shipments to unpack, tons of orders to fill out....madness.
-My desktop died. I was in the middle of a WoW BG game, and my computer just shut off on my and wouldn't start up again. I fixed this problem by just buying a harddrive enclosure and turning my old 250GB HD into an external for my laptop. This is partially part of the reason why I was away from blogging so long. When I get the money (uh, so I guess like never), I'll be buying a new desktop. Or, I may try and build one myself from scratch, but that may take more time that I'll have.
-Christmas Eve I went to Roz's to have dinner with her family,and it was nice.
-Christmas Day, Eve and I scrambled to find chicken (yes, we cooked chicken for our parents) as the two of us were supposed to do dinner for the first real meeting between Eve's parents and my mom. Things went well (after nearly throwing up at the smell of a butcher shop in Chinatown), and my mom drove all the way out from S-town. Woot! And Safeway is a bunch of fucking liars who lie about being open on Christmas day. You fuckers.
-I got to hang out with Dibo, Mikebo, and Pavla-bo at a bar. The only downside was the spilling of beer on Di after Pavla's amazingly hilarious punchline of a story, and me spilling pizza oil on my shirt. It was nice to see family members again.
-I'm doing an epic amount of laundry right now. Fucking epic. I'm serious, so much laundry, it was like hauling a sack of tungston bars or something.
-Donny cooked dinner for me and Eve when we rolled into Stockton for my brother's 18th birthday. Awesome fucking pesto, my friend.
-My brother is now legal. Awesome.
-I've decided to write a book. I've said that a couple hundred times, but yeah. I also decided that I want to edit a book as well. Much more details on these projects as time goes on. I feel like I'm always the most creative when I have the least amount of time to do anything. I guess that's the way it goes.
-One of my coworkers fucking BLUDGEONED A RAT TO DEATH WITH A YARDSTICK. How fucking crazy and badass is that? Pretty fucking crazy and badass if you ask me.
-I saw "Stranger Than Fiction" with Eve. It was actually a pretty amazing film. I was pleasantly surprised by Will Ferrell's performance, and he really can act. It's an awesome meta-meta narrative, and just an enjoyable pic to watch. Also, Maggie Gyllenhaal was pretty fucking amazing as well. Awesomeness.
-New Year's Eve will be me and Eve heading to Donny's after work and playing video games with the rest of the band until wee hours of the morning. Huzzah!
-Yoko came to visit SF and E, Roz, and I had a nice dinner with her and her bf at Borobudur (the awesomesauce Indonesian restaurant we like to go to), followed by drinks at the Edinburgh Castle. Totally indie, but decent prices for drinks. They also apparently sell fish and chips, although it's ordered from a place down the street. Weird, but cool, I guess.

I think there was more, but I want to get a game of AV in before I have to take out the laundry. Tata!

I hate this guy

2006-12-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

http://www.norcalrapist.info/wp/

Help put this sick fuck away for life. Thanks to Angry Asian Man for the info.

My shoulder hurts

2006-12-05T17:29:00.000-08:00

So today I spent the afternoon working on the upcoming website and searching for affordable health insurance plans. I think I'm going to go with Blue Cross, since they're cheap and they also offer dental insurance. If anyone else who isn't in school and pays for their own insurance (although I'm not sure how many of you this actually applies to), let me know who you have and if it sucks or not.

Also, anyone have any good recommendations for dentists and general doctors in SF? They don't even have to be nice, as long as they fucking know their shit and are good.

Anyhoo, hopefully the webiste will go live in the next couple of months, and I'll be able to talk more about it. I'm not trying to be secretive, but I feel like these early versions are just me trying to figure out a look and identity for the project, so yeah. But basically it's going to be a progressive little design company that will work to fight nasty things like stereotypes and sexism with solid design work. Basically, I hope to eventually work as a graphic designer who works nearly exclusively for nonprofits offering work that is better than what they can usually afford.

I'll also be selling some merchandise at the UC Berkeley Vagina Monologues on February 9-11 of next year. Come and support a great cause, check out an awesome show, and buy some of my stuff!

Anyway, work has been crazy lately, as people have been calling in sick and the store is crazy. But that's retail in December, I guess.

I just finished the Kamikaze Lounge flyer, which advertises the monthly Improv/sketch comedy fundraiser show for One4All Theatre company. It'll be the 1st Sunday of every month at Jet, a club on Market and Castro. Woot! Now, time to get started on the projection thingy that will be displayed on the side of the building. Craziness.

I find that even though on my days off, I spend most of the time working on other obligations (like the flyers or products), I enjoy it. I feel like I work 9-12 hour days sometimes between Paper Source and the other projects, but I'm really digging it. I just hope that I have time to act as well this upcoming semester.

Also, Eve got called back for the Bay Area One Acts Festival. This is pretty impressive, as she's been going up against union actors and people who do this on a daily basis. Congrats E, and break a leg on call backs!

Anyway, I'm trying to work out some bugs with the website. Laters!

Whoops

2006-11-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so sorry about the wrong information in that last post. It's actually the DAY OF MOURNING, that we celebrate instead of Thanksgiving. Thanks to Mitch for catching that.

On that note, I was pleased that the day before Thanksgiving I was allowed to fax a picture of a Native American covered in boils with the heading "Happy Day of Mourning!" to the other P.S. stores in the Bay. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed the process of making it.

I'm now the lead graphic designer for the One4All Asian American Theatre Co. Sweeeeet. Although I'm still going to be getting hellsa help from E and Nonoko, cool beans. Now I just have to deliver the goods.

I bought a heat tool for embossing today. Score.

By the way, does anyone know any legal issues about slander and libel and all that crap? If I post a website using a person's full name, describing how I personally think this person is a mean, disrespectful, and pompous hypocrite who has no respect for another person's time, is that okay, or can I get sued for that? Seriously, now that I'm in retail, I need to know these things.

The trip to LA was pretty cool, as I saw Happy Feet with Eve's family. The movie's animation was AMAZING, with some pretty seamless integration of real footage in with animation. It was very hard to tell at times what was real and what was CGI. In the credits, they had a whole slew of software designers, so I guess they're using some custome software for all that. Sweet.

I had some issues with the ethnic stereotypes that they infused the penguins with. The penguin clan that the main protagonist belonged too had a California accent, "the Amigos" (yes, that's what they were really called) were obviously of a Spanish-speaking culture, and the prophet penguin was a Black Southern preacher. Sigh. Also, having the Amigos being a dancing breed of penguin was not cool, and having the preacher penguin being nearly strangled to death for half the film brings to mind thoughts of lynchings. Maybe that last one is taking things a bit too far, but yeah.

It's interesting how stereotypes are so prevailent that even voice acting is affected.
Craziness.

On the other hand, it had a pretty environmentally-cool message to it, and it does encourage people to think for themselves and be who they are inside, but yeah. Overall, I do recommend it, as it is a pretty entertaining film.

Anyhoo, so to the TR review. I had a good time at the show overall, and it was a bit sad seeing some people's last time on stage.
To do a brief overview, I really enjoyed the show.
Improv fucking tore it up, and they were going great until the end when they did a "blackhole vagina" thing, which I've already talked to Ernasty about. Other than that, the entire troupe did a great job, and I really saw the progress from Mock Show.
I was glad to see the changes that Nick and Linda made to the Beau Sia piece, but I was sad that I didn't get to see the rest of the poets onstage. I really wanted to see some of the newer poets come up, and I remember that Kenneth's poem was fucking dope, and I was sad the rest of the poems didn't go up.
Adaptation troupe made some strong improvements, especially in 3 Blind Mice, as well as in the 5 Asian brothers. The guard parts were strengthened a bit since Mock Show, which I was pleased with, and Jeff's character is enough of a clueless bigot to subvert the power dynamic.
CT's fantasy skit that went up was super awesome, and I thought it carried a strong message about being yourself. The costume of the misunderstood monster was awesome, and I really liked it. The Ta-Da part of the mystery skit was well done, although I felt like the skit was almost stronger in Mock Show, when the actors couldn't rely on the tech to differentiate between each telling of the story. I also was sad to see the unheard girl bartender part removed, and I was still upset that the punchline at the end was still at the expense of the drag. I think that the reason why I felt uneasy about the use of drag in this skit as opposed to the use of drag in the Kamikaze Theory's family dinner skit at the One4All Fundraiser, was that in the Kamikaze skit, the character itself was hilarious. Whether or not it was Joshua playing the grandmother, keeping the same movements, lines, and old lady voice would have made for just a strong of a skit. However, I feel like Yue was what made the old drunkard lady's character really funny. If the same movements, lines, and old lush's voice was kept the same, I don't think it would have been as funny.
I also think I enjoyed the MockShow versions of both the BART/love skit and the Graduation skit. The BART skit really thrived with the excellent props and tech (and I was less confused), but I really thought it was more poignant when the skit ended with the older couple. Also, the Graduation skit was a lot less confusing, but I felt like it's essence could have been distilled more, as some parts of the skit seemed to drag a bit.
So with the film troupe, I was still a bit disappointed to see that the comments Eve and I gave were ignored. The film, in my mind, romanticizes Stockholm Syndrome, and in ways, battered person syndrome and abusive relationships. It's not very obvious, especially if you have never experienced or met someone in an abusive relationship, but the film did reward the abuser who is abusive "because they care and want to make them stronger." Granted, I understand that to remake a film that's halfway shot in a few weeks is incredibly difficult, but, it is possible. I know the challenges of shooting a film in Theatre Rice: actor's schedules, lighting, sound, editing, locations, homework, rehearsals, etc, as I've done 3 intro videos, the Campus Film Fest, and Moving Day. At the same time, I think it is important, if the film's core message is so dangerous, to go and at least do what you can to reshoot.
Also: Alex Shen's animation was a fun addition. Hoo-ha!

Anyway, overall I enjoyed the show, but I just feel like there needs to be some sort of dialogue between alumni and current Ricers. I appreciate many of the directors making strong choices in changes, and I look forward to the next show!

Anyhoo, tomorrow I'm going to check out the NSU Culture Night. I look forward to seeing the show, and I hope it doesn't sell out by the time I get there. Yipee!

Happy End of the Native Americans Day!

2006-11-22T09:35:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to wish a Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day to everyone, since I'll be heading out of SF for a few days. E and I are having an early dinner (although it's late in the day) with my mom, then heading to LA for her dad's birthday. Huzzah.

So much to do and say, but so little time. Also, I made some soap for the first time last night. The easy way, of course, but I hope to get on the sodium hydroxide/oil bandwagon soon. Wooop!

Shit, I gotta make my lunch and get to work. Have a good holiday and be safe travelling around!

We have a table now!!!

2006-11-19T23:58:00.000-08:00

Finally, after two.5 months of eating on the floor, Eve and I bought a table. It's a nice drop table that we're going to put in our kitchen. Fuck yes.

Anyhoo, I worked today, and have work tomorrow, but things I need to post about:
-Theatre Rice Showcase! (Fuck, I forgot to advertise earlier, since it already happened)
-Ice Skating with my co-workers

Yeah, I guess that's it. Okay, time to hit the sack. Goodnight.

Yo

2006-11-12T19:45:00.000-08:00

So I've added the blogs of Sean Cardeno, Sun Tang (or Chen, or whatever the fuck you want people to call your ass over in China), and Jesse Sutanto to the list over on the right. Huzzah! If you want your blog linked (and that's assuming I actually know who you are...none of you random readers linking your shit over here), let me know.

I continue to fight my urge to buy out everything we have in stock at Paper Source. It's like a fucking artist's paper dream in there, and my paycheck is already being leeched into by the pull of colored business cards, print supplies, stamps, ink pads, and awesome specialty papers. Fuck.

Anyway, I'm off to spend time with Eve and make crafts. Weeee!

PS- It wasn't technically a Rice show on Friday night, but a fundraiser for the One4All Theatre Co. Huzzah! I hope Duy made some bank...

Gold Star Sticker Day

2006-11-11T09:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was definitely a gold-star sticker day. I woke up at 2pm, I played some WoW, I got to do two staged readings, I caught Theatre Rice and Kamikaze Theory, saw Seichi, met some old Ricers and new ones, got to rock out to Magnetic North (I got to share the mic with T-Vu for like 3/4 of a second on the line "the land of free trade where we're branded as slaves"!) and got to dance with the Eve.

I got a bit too drunk so I had to facilitate a trip with E and Seich to Carl's Jr., where I am now feeling the effects of too much fried food. I have such a fragile gastrointestinal tract now.

I gotta find a place to eat lunch at today that sells salads, cuz my tummy feels like poop. It also probably is all the booze, but whatever.

I really wish America was like Australia, where the final price of anything listed includes both tip and tax. We should just pay our waitstaff more, eliminate the tipping system, and have prices that reflect the exact amount of money you'll be shelling out. And that's my thoughts on that.

Now, I need to go and try and eat breakfast before work. Blarg!

Hopefully Satoshi and Pat will be able to come hang out later tonight. Score!

Also, thanks to E, Seichi, and Satoshi for coming out and supporting me and One4All Theatre Co last night! Woo!

If you have $15 to spare and are bored tonight..

2006-11-10T16:56:00.000-08:00

...check out this Fundraiser for the One4All Asian American Theatre Company. It's a cool-enough piece, and it's a good cause, so if you're 21+, check out Mr.Smith's (the venue) this Friday!

The Info:
Doors at 6pm - $15.00 cover
34 7th street, SF (7th and Mission, by BART/Muni Civic Center)

7:30- 3 staged readings at the Mezzanine (the reading I'm in is 2nd)
8:45- Theatre Rice performing at the bar
9:30- Kamikaze Theory on the Dance Floor
10:30- Magnetic North and DJ's on the Dance Floor.

Ok. Booze. Theatre Rice. Magnetic North. Staged Readings. Dancing. Fun.

Be there!

So I also just found out that I'll be in 2 of the 3 staged readings. Woo!

Anyway, so I slept in until 2pm today, as I was apparently a lot more tired from my job (which requires about 8 hours of standing) than I thought. I also don't get paid nearly as much as MacArthur, but my co-workers are awesome, the job is cool, and I get to learn tons of info about paper and crafts and such. Sweet. The trade-off is more than fair to me (although I do have to work both tomorrow and sunday! boo hoo!)

I need to hurry up and try making soap. I have a pretty big deadline at the end of the month I need to meet in terms of creativity, so I need to start scanning and printing a lot of my crap.

Anyway, I gotta go get ready for tonight, so weeee!

BTW, I hit 60 with Cowchan. Now I just need to get him uber-level gear.

Please VOTE

2006-11-07T00:51:00.000-08:00

VOTE TODAY PEOPLE!!!

And if anything, please vote NO on 85. Let's not send more womyn and young girls to backalley abortion clinics. Coathangers are not cool

Woot!

2006-11-06T21:42:00.000-08:00

So today I started my new job at the Paper Source on Fillmore! The whole staff has been really cool and welcoming so far, and this totally seems like a job that suits me and my personality a lot better than MacArthur. I mean, I got 20 minutes at the end of work to decorate my clipboard! How cool is that?

Anyway, so I'll be in a staged reading that is uber short (it's only one scene) for a Fundraiser for the One4All Asian American Theatre Company. It's a cool-enough piece, and it's a good cause, so if you're 21+, check out Mr.Smith's (the venue) this Friday!

The Info:
Doors at 6pm - $15.00 cover
34 7th street, SF (7th and Mission, by BART/Muni Civic Center)

7:30- 3 staged readings at the Mezzanine (the reading I'm in is 2nd)
8:45- Theatre Rice performing at the bar
9:30- Kamikaze Theory on the Dance Floor
10:30- Magnetic North and DJ's on the Dance Floor.

Ok. Booze. Theatre Rice. Magnetic North. Staged Readings. Dancing. Fun.

Be there!

Anyhoo, so Roz made some awesome pizza for me and Eve the other night, and we took a evening hike to Coit Tower. It was really crazy as there was fog swirling around the top and stuff, and it was just eerily cool. Dopeness.

Also, on Saturday Eve and I hit up Angel Island, but the fucking Immigration Center (the reason why I wanted to take E there) was under renovation and closed! Fuck people, you would think that this would be a big deal and they would put it on their website in big bold letters, but alas, nothing. But the good part about that was it allowed me and Eve to explore a lot more of the island, doing the full 5-mile trek around the perimeter of the island. We found some cool bunkers, and run down barracks, and some crazy, creepy-as-fuck shit too. Let's just say I would definitely not stay the night over there. (Shudder)

So I'm reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, and the goddamn book is so fucking suspensful that I hate to put the book down. I'm still waiting til I finish the book to really digest what I've read (so far, as Japanese culture tends to be, it's not the most womyn-friendly thing out there) but if anything I have to give it credit that it's very captivating in terms of drawing you into the world of the novel.

I also did my first BRD run in WoW. We ended up doing the instance with a shamen who was a big jerk, and on top of that, a racist bigot. When he was ganked at the entrance to the instance, he yelled "Fuck this jew nigger game!" It was not good. We politely asked him to refrain from racial slurs, and he didn't say anything else, but was pretty crazy. He apparently also threw up on himself while playing, and was kind of shady when we divied up the spoils.

Anyway, I gotta go cook dinner for Eve, and then hit the sack cuz I got work all week again. If anyone wants cool paper supplies, my store is on Fillmore and Pine. I'm not sure if I can give you discounts and shit yet, but we'll see. Huzzah!

Happy Late Halloween!

2006-11-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Woo! I've been busy lately with all this artistic stuff going on! Woot for art!

Anyhoo, to address Sam's comment a few posts back (I get comments sent to my email account) - I think the criticism of the film troupe killer film was very valid. I did think it was really well done but you're right, it could have been a lot stronger in the casting choices. But I felt with all the hallucinations and flashbacks it sorts of dilutes the reality of it all and questions the dark violence within everyone.

I agree that there is some element of influence that plays on you between when you are in Rice and when you are out of it. I'm definitely not above that, and I think we do tend to miss things when we're so involved in the creative process. Honestly, when you're editing a script after staying up 24 hours to study for a midterm I understand that mistakes are made, and hey, when I'm creating things I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I miss. I'd just like to reinforce that for the most part, I really enjoy Rice shows, and it's just nitpicky stuff that I point out because a majority of people don't catch it. I can't claim to have the solutions to everything, but as long as people are thinking about it, I'm happy.

Anyhoo, so I got a job! Woot! I'm starting on Monday and I'll be working at the Paper Source on Fillmore and Pine. It's really cool cuz it's only 6 blocks away from my house, I don't have to wear a suit, and I get to take art classes there and I get paid for it! Score!

I actually just took a bookbinding workshop and made a photo album dealy. Score! I also got paid for 3 hours of time for making it! Yes!

Anyhoo, I'm learning how to actually build websites. Dreamweaver MX makes it a lot easier than using notepad, especially since I'm still pretty clueless and it took me pretty much most of the day to just upload the index. I'll post the link once I get the site a bit more hashed out.

In the digital world, I just hit level 59 in WoW. Crazy.

I'm really starting to kick up the designing again, so it feels good to really get some stuff down on paper and I think things will turn out well. Wooo!

Okay, I'm going to work a bit more on the website, maybe do some battlegrounds, and then hit the hay. Night!

Send me your phone numbers

2006-10-30T01:19:00.000-08:00

No, seriously. So when my phone broke, I tried my SIM card in a Yes, Optus phone from Australia (Eve's Australian phone), which ended up wiping the data from my SIM card, and so when I went today to get a new phone, there were no contacts in there. So email me, or call me, and yes. So do that.

So I have a new phone, had dinner with Pat in J-town, and re-sewed my homemade black kimono for Halloween. I'm not sure if I want to go as Shuuhei or as Ichigo, and since I have an interview on the morning of the 31st, we'll see if I get a job or not before I go bleaching my hair.

Eve is teaching me how to read Japanese and how to use a sewing machine. I'm much better with the sewing machine than the Japanese, but we'll see how things even out over time. I'll probably still be able to sew better than I can read or write, but eh. Such is life.

Saturday Eve and I went to the Academy of Art open house. I'm really excited about my major, and I met the Graphic Design Associate Chair. He was cool, and I like how he said that it might be easy to get in to the University, but it's not easy to stay. That's the kind of thing I like. Let everyone in, and if you can hang you graduate, if you can't, you drop out. Cooolio.

The E started me up on a new anime: Nana. It's about two young womyn, polar opposites, who end up living together and trying to figure out their futures together. One's dependent, whiney, and needs to learn how to grow up, while the other is strong, confident, and dreams of being a rock star. Sounds cheesy? Perhaps. But the music is really fucking good, and is pretty progressive (from what I hear) for a commentary on Japanese culture. Overall, it paints the womyn as real people, with their strengths, their weaknesses, and their humanity. Coool.

Anyway, I hope to hit up some stores tomorrow to get a table for our house, as Eve and I still eat on the floor. I'm also looking for large piles of scrap wood, as I figure I can just build a table. But there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of scrap wood lying around SF, sadly.

Okey dokey. Off to bed now that it's almost two. I feel like I'm getting old. Good night!

For reals.

2006-10-27T11:29:00.000-07:00

A really good read on emotional abuse.

On a happier note, I should have a new phone by tonight, and will be turning in my financial aid stuff soon!

On a less happy note, my printer keeps printing out smudged copies. Time for a new printer soon?

Crap.

2006-10-26T17:48:00.000-07:00

My phone just fell in the toilet. Dammit. So I'm phoneless for a while. Email, or IM (either Google or AIM) if you need to get a hold of me. Sigh.

Stuff, stuff, and more stuff

2006-10-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

Thank you to everyone commenting. To address the comments to the last post:

1. Thank you old Ricer. It's cuz I'm silly that way. Idealistic and I realize that I could save myself the trouble if I just shut up, but that's not who I am. And I think they do listen. I don't think Julius, Ernesto, Jeff, Jeena and others would care if they weren't. And yes, I do want to visit NY soon. Huzzah to the Ricers of NY!

2. Thanks Jeff. I do remember what it's like to be in Rice, and I think one of my biggest challenges when I was in Rice was balancing the aspect between the issues that I personally believe need to be addressed, and the people itself in Rice. You're right. Rice's biggest impact is most definitely on the cast members itself, and by not being in the cast, you lose sight of that and the issues take over. That said, I still think that the content of the show is very important, as Rice is the voice for many who don't have that opportunity. Thus TR needs to be careful about what they're saying for others. But thank you for putting your opinion out there.

3. Thanks Julius. I will take your comments to heart, and I appreciate that more thought will go into the next show. I do hope to make it to mock show, but it is hard, as the other commenter spoke of, to not have that much advance notice of shows. Especially for out of town Ricers, it's hard enough to get over to Berkeley after work, fight the commute, and then give Rice the proper attention it deserves. I realize that I was nitpicky, and I'll still post some more general, less acrimonious critiques on my blog, but I'll send the more in-depth stuff to ExComm directly. And if I do vent on any future divergences between myself and TR, I won't link it to the forum.

I do appreciate your critiques on my own work, as it is valuable when I'm working on those again, or thinking up new projects. I do realize that I have unreasonably high standards, but I feel like someone has to set the bar high. I don't reach my own standards most of the time, and I don't really expect Rice to all the time either. But I do hope we'll all try.

I do apologize for not talking with the cast after the show. That was my fault, and I sincerely apologize for it. I do have problems offering criticisms face-to-face, and that's something I need to work on. So, sorry about that, and I'll make it a priority to stop by after Showcase.

4. Thanks Ernesto. Well, I assume you missed the post, but I did not appropriate the identity of "queer" as yes, that would be fucked up and asserting my privilege. I came out on my blog a while ago, and I do identity as fluid. Ie. I'm attracted to some men, and I'm attracted to some womyn. I mention my heterosexual privilege, because I'm still in a very serious relationship with Eve, so in terms of what everyone sees, I'm straight, and I get treated accordingly. I understand how problematic this can be, as most people won't even believe me if I tell them I'm fluid, so I don't usually try and make it a big deal.

5. Thank you other annonymous Ricer alumn. I agree with the fact that there isn't enough alumni/current cast relations, and I understand that once we're gone, the current cast is pretty much too busy doing their own thing. I do think there needs to be more advanced notice of mock shows, because it feels like the cast doesn't really want us there. I like the idea of having a committee member archive/talk with alumni, but I'm not sure how feasable that would be. Perhaps an idea for future historians?

~~~~~

In other Rick news. I really need to get a job soon. Art school and SF are expensive, so I plan to hit the streets today, armed with resumes and confidence. Woot!

There is actually a soap shop close to my place I want to work in. I can make soap! There is also a nearby bakery. That would be cool as well.

So there is this person who makes these awesome little flash games that are all logic based, semi-difficult, and fun as all hell. Assuming you're one to pick at a problem until you solve it. It has no instructions, and it leaves it to you to figure them out. I got Eve pretty hooked, and these games are almost as addictive as WoW for us. Check em out HERE. I recomment the GROW series, and Tontie.

Anyhoo, I registered for art classes next semester! Woot! I'm working on my financial aid now, and although I'm taking a lot of fundamental classes, I'm really excited about my graphic design courses. fuck yeah!

The pumpkin that Eve and I carved (whom we dubbed Prometheus) is now falling victim to some sort of fuzz mold. If I had a microscope, I would try to ID it, and I think it's either a mxyomycete or a oomycete, but I've forgotten most of my fungal knowledge. Bah. I just hope he lasts until next Tuesday.

Shit, I need to fix up my costume. I think Eve and I are going to do the Ichigo/Rukia combo, but we're still deciding which costumes to do, as I'm not sure if I want the bankai Ichigo or the one that he wears when he first starts his fight with Byakuya (the one with the bandages). Eve might pull a Yorouichi, so we still gotta figure this out and fast. The sewing machine will get overtime this weekend!

I'm working on a new style of painting for me, sort of like a comic book style but on canvas. Eh.

Anyway, I need to eat lunch, go turn in some applications/resumes, and do something productive with my afternoon. Laters!

Le sigh.

2006-10-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Julius and Jeena for expressing how they feel in their comments to the last post. First off, to most of their points, I don't totally disagree. A lot of the criticisms I'm making are really nitpicky and I probably shouldn't be so hard on a group that is committing mistakes that I have myself made. However, I'm glad people have called me on my shit before, and continue to do so now, as I realize that I'm not perfect, and still screw up. And that is what I'm trying to do now.

So the formula "x = bad if it reinforces anything traditional" is actually pretty close to being right. What most people fail to see, and continually fail to see, is that the media works because you don't think it does. Advertising works because you don't think it does. I'm not above being affected by them, and I don't think anyone is unless they shut themselves in a cave. The reason why I harp on Rice so much is that because every single piece of media Asian Americans get is so valuable I don't want harm done to the community. There is so little representation, people see one thing and that becomes the new stereotype. People believe Memoirs of a Geisha is accurate! I mean, come on.

And I admit that I get pretty nasty when it comes to talking about the Odd Couple Female piece. I was so offended by that, that I couldn't bare to come up to the cast and tell you "Good show." Believe me, there are a lot of people I wanted to speak to, but I got my ass out of there because I felt so personally let down.

So point by point:
Sure, homosexuality wasn't said at all in terms of Felix's character, but I've been in Rice long enough to know what a stereotype looks like. Being queer myself, I know how gay people act, both in real life and as stereotypes. And to me, that looked like a stereotype.

And again, race shouldn't matter, and race shouldn't dictate at all what parts you play, but get real. Race STILL MATTERS. The audience reads who they see on stage. And conscious or not, it makes a difference. Maybe not a big difference, but like I said before: the media works because people don't think it does. And I'm not saying that Leigh should only play subordinate roles, but a)she can get parts a lot of other people who are of Asian decent can't get elsewhere, b)this is Asian American theatre, and c) I just disagree with the piece in general, and would have totally be happy casting Leigh as a lead in another play that isn't so messed up in the first place.

In terms of the whole Hispanic vs. Latino thing. I'm glad Julius knows what he's talking about. I screwed up a bit, and I'm sorry. However, most people don't, and it was very dangerous of me to throw those around so carelessly. Also, it seems like most of the comical faux-pases are on the side of the Spanish brothers. There are no English manglings of Spanish, or anything like that. It's one sided, and one review (granted, it was from a high school version) called the brothers "Mexican," and "adding Latin spice" to the play. Reinforcing traditional stereotypes of "spicy Latins?" Uh, yes.

And yes, Improv was probably my favorite part of the show. It was all tongue-in-cheek, is for a college audience, and the whole soggy cookie via milk thing was funny. I get it. It was good. I was just being nitpicky.

To the first CT skit: I addressed this before. The lighter-skinned person as the manager character does reinforce stereotypes. Sure, it probably isn't a huge deal, but it is something. I'm just pointing that out. Am I privileged because I'm tall, fairly light skinned, and male? Yes I am, and that's why I'm pointing this out. And in terms of my own acting, I realize that I am still underrepresented as an Asian male in the larger, American media. So I probably would take a lead role, because I'd be happy for any Asian men to be on stage at this point, as there are so few right now. If I got passed up for an womyn or a darker skinned person? That's fine with me. Also, I do want to acknowledge that the same actor who was playing the admin became Newton in the next skit, so props to that. But like I said, I didn't want to point out the good stuff, cuz I figured with the way Rice self indulges itself in great shows (both before, during, and after I was in it) I didn't have to point that out.

And with the whole educationally privileged thing. I got the skit. I thought it was great. But there has been calculus jokes in the past, but I thought the older version (which I wasn't in, fyi) was better, as it juxtaposed two stereotypes (of a nerd and of a gangster) so well and promoted individuality that didn't rely on too many complex math jokes. Granted, the last punchline was totally math based, but it had a lot of other content besides it in it.

And the skimpy clothes thing. Sure, it might not be traditionally "sexy" but definitely revealing, and very distracting. Jade's character was asserting her right to sexuality, which is fine by me, but there is a difference in being sexy and wearing revealing clothes. I do admit that it was mostly the womyn in power, and I'm glad of that. Don't get me wrong. Sorry I glossed over the good with the more nitpicky issues, but once again, that's what I do. Also, if you want me to rewrite a script that would fixes the problem, I can work on that if you would like.

And so for the old pieces. Purple Spirals I think didn't so so much as reinforcing the stereotypical patriarchial rule of the Asian family, as it did display it for all its faults. There is a fine line between just showing it, and displaying it for subversion. It is a lot harder to display it for subversion in comedy, as you are softening the impact with laughter, and the whole point in displaying for subversion is that you want to disturb the audience enough to realize that what you are showing them is not acceptable.

The film troupe piece: good point.

Moving Day: Hm. Honestly, thank you. I didn't consider that, but I'm glad you brought up that point. I'll work on it. Of course, I don't believe I ever mentioned that in the first place, and it makes it seem like things are getting personal, but whatever. I also would have appreciated that feedback earlier, but better late than never.

The Pirate skit: It could be taken that way. I'll see what I can do about tightening that up if I ever decide to work that into a longer piece.

My point: Yes, everything can be taken as partially offensive, and that is because it can be offensive. My point is not that Theatre Rice is doing a terrible job, because it's doing a great job (well, besides the Odd Couple caracature thing, which I still really don't like). My point is that Rice can always strive to be better. It should. I never wanted to dismiss Rice as being low-brow, racist, homophobic, or any of that. I was merely pointing out that some of the material put up doesn't agree with me.

Honestly, like you've said, I've posted reviews on Rice shows ever after I left. Looking back, there was a lot left desired for in the shows when I was still in it. But I was too tied up either personally or as Producer. After all, the morale doesn't seem so great when the Producer is disappointed at part of the group. So you can dismiss my comments as being bitter and not caring, and that's fine. If you think I care about alienating myself from the group, then you obviously don't understand where I'm coming from. What did I learn from the Jericho incident? That all my concerns are valid. Being personally attacked showed me that much of my criticism was warrented. That whole thing wasn't something that I enjoyed, but it was something I did anyway.

If you think I like criticizing people that I had friendships with in the past, you're wrong. I criticize because I hope that one day everything in this entire world will be so fucking cool that racism and homophobia and sexism and all the other fucked up shit in this world will be fixed, and whatever you put up with be so fucking golden I don't have to write this shit anymore.

But I'm still going to come to the shows. I'm still going to give feedback. And you can say hello whether you want me to or not.

And I know we're all here to learn. I'm not expecting Theatre Rice to be perfect. But if no one ever says anything, then it's never going to get better. Maybe I sound grumpy because I'm tired of having to criticize groups for the same shit again and again. Maybe I sound a bit more pissed off because this happens again and again.

Label me how you will, but this is who I am. If you want me to come to the meeting after the show and talk face to face, I will. If you want me to come up to you after the show and tell you how I really feel, I'll do that next time. I just didn't want to ruin your night.

The Theatre Rice post

2006-10-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

So I have returned from my brief stint in Stockton, and my mom's doing fine. She had knee surgery, and she's walking around now, so all should be good.

Anyway, so since I could not finish posting this on the Theatre Rice forums, here, in it's entirety, is my critique of the Fall 2006 Midsemester show. And to respond to the last comments:
Ernesto - no problems. Thanks, and good luck with the rest of the semester.
Alex - Yeah, I know it's not possible for Rice to ever get too much larger than I'd like it to, but I don't really expect that. I want it to just be good, and there ARE old members of Rice still around, and they should be the ones holding people accountable. And yes, the lack of archiving is a problem. But that's why you have veterans of Rice around to keep people on their toes :D

The Post:
Hello all you wonderful new Ricers, and congratulations on the first Theatre Rice show for the semester! I’m sure there was the usual gallons of blood, sweat, and tears pouring into this show, and I’m sure everyone will be ready to go for Showcase!

That said, it is time for my usual critique of the show. So I saw the Saturday night show, and I want to reiterate that with feedback, I do tend to focus on the negative aspects of the show because I care. I wouldn’t spend the time to write all this if I didn’t, and the only reason I may seem like I’m harping on you so relentlessly is that I want Theatre Rice to be awesome. And I want to point out that “awesome” in my mind doesn’t necessarily mean “popular,” “hilarious,” or “overwhelmingly entertaining.” It can, but I’m more interested in how effectively Theatre Rice is in combating negative stereotypes, misrepresentation, and underrepresentation of Asian Americans and other minorities. That said, on to the show. Oh and by the way, since I’m now a year out of Rice, I don’t know a lot of people and I lost the program someplace, so please don’t be offended if I refer to you by your character name or role.

So if I remember this right, the first piece to go up was Neil Simon’s “The Odd Couple.” First, I’d like to say that I’m glad that Rice is putting up established work on stage. I think this can help bridge the gap between the traditional Rice audience and theatre, so I am glad that people are continuing on with what Lisa, Sun, and Eve started working on way back when. However, I felt like the piece seemed to reinforce traditional stereotypes of Asian men. You have Felix, who is played as if he is your stereotypical, emasculated, potentially gay Asian male. He shrieks, shakes when he’s upset, wears an apron, and is awkward around women. On the other side, you have Oscar, who is womanizing, brash, and only has sex on his mind. I find both the script and the way the actors/director chose to portray each of them as problematic.

Felix’s OCD uptightness was played for laughs, when the original script isn’t about Felix’s gasps, or shaking, or slapstick humor but the juxtaposition between him and Oscar. Perhaps it is just because a scene was shown and not the entire play, but I feel like the relationship between Felix and Oscar wasn’t there. Their relationship, and how they are such polar opposites, is what is supposed to be what’s funny, not each individual’s mannerisms. When Oscar goes to answer the door when the Pigeon sisters arrive, he suddenly bursts out with “THEN SMILE!” without any momentum behind it. The scene should escalate somewhat to this line, as there wasn’t anything before it to really warrant the anger that is suddenly jumps out. The whole point is the relationship, and Felix doesn’t even really look Oscar in the eye for a majority of the piece.

I felt like there was also a lot of motivation lacking from the performances. It boasted a talented cast, but I felt a lot of the acting was just rehearsed line reading. The portrayals weren’t realistic, but of caricatures (seriously, do people really get angry the way Felix was getting angry when the play started? I didn’t believe it.) There wasn’t character interaction and real motivation behind most of the lines, and I think this was one of the major setbacks of the piece.

Furthermore, the exotification of twins and women with accents is tired and harmful. Reaffirming the status quo of traditional male fantasies of twin sisters with “sexy accents” is just problematic. I understand that it’s in the play, but that doesn’t mean that it’s right. I was really hoping that the scene where the twins and Felix break down would be moving, played with realism, and allowing for a brief pause from the slapstick, but that obviously wasn’t the case. There was a huge chance to make a connection with the audience, as this poor guy is really pouring his heart out, and once again we make fun of men showing emotions and reinforce society’s traditional, harmful gender roles.

Next was Improv. With the Big Bangers intro, the main problem I had was the normalization of male power. I liked how the girls didn’t put up with their shit, but they still end up playing the boys’ game. It also reinforces the notion that power is violent power, that whomever has the biggest gun wins. It was cool that the women had a big-ass rocket launcher thing, but still. It would have been much cooler to have the boys realize how stupid they were being and join in something the women were doing.

So Half-Lives. Entertaining, but I felt like there was no real story arc whatsoever. I thought the “Tang Center” suggestion had a lot of potential to it, and I liked the twist on the disappearing limb disease, but there really was no clear story arc. The magic of half-lives is that you have to keep condensing a full story again and again, and the humor comes from that, and I think there was too much yelling and running around too early in the game. It should be relatively normal at first, so when it gets super absurd later on, the audience has a bigger payoff.

The playback game reverse thingy. I had never played this, nor ever seen it before, but it was really entertaining to see. I liked it overall, and can’t say much about it, since I really don’t have any criteria to base it on. However, as funny as it was, the “suck you…of all your blood” line was a bit of unnecessary potty humor, but I’m glad at least Linda kept it clean and didn’t take it farther.

So going along with that, the Harold was good, but the soggy cookie thing took a bit too much of the spotlight towards the end. I’m glad it wasn’t as central as it could have been, but going for less crude humor would have been nice. The first set of scenes around the milk supergirl and the jetpack woman was cool, but it set up the overly common theme of women competing against each other. I do understand the need for conflict in an improv scene, and that yes, you are making stuff up on the spot, but that was just my main concern with that.

The co-op food stealing was an absolute gem for me, but that’s only because I lived in the co-op system for 4 years. I must commend Nick on the name correction, and his scene partner for going along with it and turning it into a huge plot device.

The cookie baker maker scene was just weird, but that’s okay. Like I said before, the soggy cookie thing turned gross after a while, and I know everyone is talented enough to try and get out of the usual potty jokes.

Overall, Improv was pretty darn spiffy and there was definitely chemistry between the cast members, but I still feel it could have done a better job of cleaning the content up. Also, I think the scenes were tied together a bit too early, so be weary of that. However if it does happen that way, I feel like it would have been more rewarding as an audience to see other cast members start working their characters into the other storylines as well.

So I believe next was the “Odd Couple: Female Version.” First off, I have to say that this piece in general really pisses me off. Simon clearly doesn’t understand much about gender and racial dynamics, and totally botches it up with this one. My beef with Rice is that no one caught how offensive this piece is. I understand that many of my problems with this piece comes directly from the script itself, however I feel like because it was a script, people in Rice should have seen the problems with it early on and either decided to reinvent it in a more subversive way, or to change the selection.

First off, I have to say the racial dynamic between Leigh and the actress who played Flo was way off. I don’t want to make any assumptions about casting, etc., but having a white woman play the easy going woman who goes out and shops and having an Asian American woman play the woman who is uptight, stays at home, cooks, and cleans, is very problematic for me. There is already a stereotypical racial hierarchy going on, and this imagery just reinforces it.

Also, the scene doesn’t really reinforce Olive’s sexuality like the male version reinforces Oscar’s. Most of the sexual jokes come from the Costazuela brothers, and instead of reasserting a woman’s right to be sexy, the piece just puts the duty back in the hands of men. This again reinforces the typical gender dynamics of having men be in power, asserting their lust over accepting women. Let’s get real. Women can be assertive too, and this outdated play, written by a white male, obviously doesn’t take that into account.

The largest problem I found with this piece was with the roles played by Ken and Thomas. I was sorely disappointed when I realized that this was two Asian Americans playing two caricatures of Hispanic characters. I appreciate Ken and TT’s rise to the challenge of playing very ethnic-specific characters, but I felt like this was just perpetuating stereotypes of other ethnicities. Yes, this is Simon’s royal fuck-up, but I was really disappointed in Theatre Rice for letting this go up. Theatre Rice is supposed to stand for the misrepresentation and under-representation of Asian Americans in the media. The Asian American community has to deal with stereotypes in every single media portrayal, and is laughed at for not being able to speak English without an accent, or about how they get confused in a country that is not their own. These are portrayals that I personally fight against on a daily basis, and I thought Theatre Rice would too. So why is it any different when two Asian American men go and portray two Hispanic men who can’t speak without thick accents, get confused over words, and are ridiculed for being immigrants? C’MON!!!!! Get your shit together, Rice. It’s one thing to have Asians play white people, as opposed to Asian people playing caricatures of Hispanics because there is a very different racial dynamic there. Hispanics are as poorly underrepresented and misrepresented as Asian Americans are, and I would think that we would try not to further oppose another group of oppressed people. I’m all for “color-blind casting,” but I don’t think that’s possible until we completely and utterly stamp out racism. Basically, that play is racist, and I’m very sad that Theatre Rice chose to put that up without any sort of subversion or anything like that. The piece just exotifies Hispanic men more than they already are and perpetuate the Antonio Banderas/Latin lover stereotypes for cheap laughs, and I thought this sort of thing is what Rice was working against.

Additionally, the whole “not gay” part is just so heterosexist. Why is there such a big deal made about the fact that the two male characters are not gay? It normalizes heterosexism, and makes it seem so wrong to actually be gay. Basically, if a person takes up an issue with being gay, then that’s usually a sign of homophobia. Maybe not bash-gay-folks definition of homophobia, but the unreasonable-fear-of-queers-dictionary definition of homophobia. So why is it so “funny” and “comical” that they make such a big deal about it? The answer to that question: It’s not.

And on a technical aspect, once again, where is the relationship? The Odd Couple should be about the relationship between Flo and Olive, and how they are polar opposites. It’s about two people trying to cope. It’s about loss, and grief, and how you manage it, and that didn’t really come across.

Next came Magnetic North. The tech problems are obvious, and will always occur, so I’m not too worried over that. I would just like to humbly suggest, like I have before, that Rice gets its own computer, if nothing else for the SOLE USE of running video and stuff during shows. So all the RAM can be devoted for video and sound playback. Besides that, I enjoyed the video and thought the concept was fairly cool, so yeah. Otherwise, it was nice to see them again before they head on their tour to LA. I just wish that the mics were adjusted a little bit better, as TVu and Direct were totally overshadowing the beats in You and You. Things were fixed for We Will Not Be Moved, but it would have been nice to have been evened out earlier.

On to Comedy Troupe.

So my biggest beef with the intro is the lack of pizzazz. The intro is the one time when you can be totally offbeat and random and really just do your best to pump up the crowd for the upcoming show. I feel like the talking-heads-evil-Ct-director(s)-vs-cool-cast is overdone and overused by Rice, and if you’ve ever seen a Jericho show, it is also utilized frequently there. I think the intro that have worked the best for me have always been ones where there is less talking and more showing. I want to get pumped up to see CT, and with this intro, I was not. This is the one chance to use irreverence to your advantage, as intros like the Never Gonna Get ‘Em and the Lion King intro were really well-received because they simply functioned to get the audience excited about what was coming next. Also, music seems to work well too.

For the first skit, I appreciated the interacting with the video screen, and the walking through the aisles, but I was hoping for less showy tactics and a more developed plot. I felt like the plot was shaky, and the skit suffered because of it. How is the secretary going to go from loving Charles’ character to not caring, to being a water wizard to deciding to suddenly become a real person again? What happened there? It wasn’t quite a dream and it wasn’t quite real, so I was a bit confused.

Also, this skit was problematic in that it not only defines masculinity as heterosexual sexual conquest, but as very violent and conquering. If the skit was trying to subvert this norm somehow, it didn’t do a very good job. It reinforced competition over women, the traditional system of patriarchy, and the emasculation of the Asian male in both Phil’s initial character and the imagery of Charles in drag. There was also a racial dynamic, as the office intern/admin was played by an actor with darker skin, and the abusive, domineering manager with lighter skin just reinforced the traditional values of lighter skin being more valuable/beautiful/etc.

Additionally, the fairy didn’t have to be a literal “fairy.” The pink jacket was just reinforcing queer stereotypes. Just because you are a mythical character with wings that is a fairy doesn’t mean they have to prance, have an attitude, and wear pink. And the use of drag as a comedic device is lame. I have personally used this many times, and yes, it is a crowd-pleaser, but it is so not necessary. You all are more talented than that to need to use cheap tactics like this.

So for the Ernesto/Jeff transition. If you guys are going to capitalize on the audience’s obvious homophobia/heterosexism, you might have well just made out.

The calculus garden song. I appreciated it, but it is a bit assuming that the audience is even going to know what antiderivatives are. I feel like it’s playing off the stereotypes that all Asians know math and science, and this is not true. I’m sure any Liberal Arts majors who have never taken calculus weren’t that entertained. It was a nice song and dance routine, and I thought it was great, but it could be sort of divisive when you pull out the educationally privileged card. Also, I was hoping the rapping would also be up on the screen, as I couldn’t understand him at all, and I was really hoping to get the lyrics to that.

Finally, the Pluto v. Earth dealy. So I thought this was going to be some awesome commentary on the war, but it ends up with the Plutonians alive and yelling “Plutonian pride!” Hmmm. So was the skit supposed to endorse war and racial pride? I was hoping there was going to be something deep about how in war everyone loses, or how racial (or in this case, planet) pride can be your undoing, but it just seemed to promote that. The cool effect with the thought bubbles should have been saved for later. It worked well in the last Sci-Fi skit done, but that’s because it was saved for the end in a pretty awesome finale that caught the audience off guard. Also, what was the “second meaning of the war?” I was totally confused and thought the message was that everyone has to die to win a war.

And as much as Charles’ captain’s costume was great, the yelling at the ambitious cadet was not. It was unnecessary, and it just promotes the often patriarchal verbal abuse of women. Not cool.

Also, there were some serious wardrobe issues. As much as I can appreciate the female form, Jade and Lisa needed to put on some clothes. Seeing Lisa’s nonpants through her jacket and Jade’s nonclothes were distracting, and it seemed to be unnecessary for the plot. Yes, sexy clothes do sell, but such talented women shouldn’t be selling yourselves short like that. Yes, I know the Theatre Rice cast is hot, but I don’t need it blatantly shoved in my face, and the cast is hot without having to be half-naked. Yes, if you are an old Ricer, you may point out that I was half-naked on stage too much. I know. That’s what I thought people would have figured that it wasn’t necessary.

So for CT overall, I felt there was just a lack of motivation and conviction in many of the lines. I understand that most of the lines were probably figured out that week, but still. Also, the overwhelming presence of potty humor and sex was a pretty big issue. I realize that this was a fairly inexperienced CT, but nevertheless, I would have hoped to see more depth in the material put on stage.

Overall, the show had its high points, but I was pretty disappointed in the content put up. I appreciate the effort to include established works, the showiness of the CT skits, the music guests, and the inclusion of both long and short form improv, but I felt there was still a lot to be desired in terms of strong content. Don’t get me wrong, the audience as a whole loved the show. But I feel like the mission statement of Theatre Rice was largely ignored, and it became about the cheap laughs instead of putting up high quality stuff. It was a good show, but I’ve seen better. Just keep your heads up and keep on striving for excellence, and don’t let the allure of sold-out audiences bait you to making poor choices.

Best of luck on Showcase, and I look forward to see what you’ve all cooked up in the coming weeks."

____

I got the Banksy hardback collection. Ebu got it for me for my birthday, and it's here now. I drool. Now I want to get some cardboard, a knife, and a can of spraypaint and go do something.

More later. Night.

I am such a shitty friend

2006-10-17T14:38:00.000-07:00

So I just realized that I've TOTALLY forgotten a lot of people's birthdays. I'm very sorry, and happy belated birthday to you all.

So I was thinking in the shower today that I have really been a jerk for much of my college life. Like, my heart may have been in sort of the right place, but honestly, holy shit, I've done some pretty fucked up stuff.

Most of it revolved around me being too drunk to take responsibility for my actions at the time, leading to being too drunk to drive people to the airport, not remembering entire evenings, pepper spray, general debauchery and a sense of detachment, and just being a jackass. I'd like to think there is something worth salvaging in myself that people still talk to me, even though I forget their birthdays or don't call for months, but yeah. I'm sorry.

I think this recent revelation has been coupled with my lack of a social scene now that I've graduated and moved out of Berkeley, which has been my life for the past 5 years. I'm finding who I really want to keep in contact with, and I'm trying to resolve my fear of losing people with my fear of talking to them. You always see old people in the movies complain how they can't get in touch with someone they care about because "it's been so long." Shit, I can't imagine 10 years or so (like in the movies) when I can barely call once a month. What the fuck is going on with me?

Maybe I'm not nearly as mature as I once thought I was. I'm struggling to pay bills, keep/find a job, take care of things around the apartment, get myself to go out once and a while. Fuck. But maybe that's who I am; a scared little kid who was forced to grow up too fast.

I think maybe the Rick most people know is just my best example of acting yet. The confident, work hard and play harder, drunk, outgoing person that I thought I was perhaps is just a big figment of my imagination that became so real I believed it. Sure, there are parts of me that miss those times of drugs, long nights, random hookups, crazy parties, etc., etc., but maybe I've just been socialized to think that way.

The hardest part about realizing how important the media and our peers are in influencing who we are is that you begin to question yourself. Why do I like this? Who am I really? And when you face these questions, that's when the scary stuff comes out.

I played World of Warcraft from around 10am to 6pm Monday. Can anyone say "escapist?"

I'm trying to balance my usual detachment from emotional trauma with some sort of human reaction to my overwhelming situation. Or maybe it isn't that overwhelming in the first place? Shit, I have no idea anymore.

I'm going to Stockton to stay with my mom for a few days since she had surgery on her leg, and since she lives alone, doesn't have anyone else to take care of her. Now, since I'm unemployed, I figure I might as well get out there to help out the womyn that spit me from her womb 23 short years ago.

Maybe some time away from WoW and San Francisco and Berkeley and the Bay will do me good to clear my head and give me time to work on some creative stuff.

~~~~~

On another note, I went with Eve to see the Theatre Rice Midsemester show on Saturday. Once again, I have a huge critique to post, which I'm still debating on posting on their forum. I feel so torn with that group. It was really great, and now that I've grown up, it seems so...less than ideal. I feel like I've developed so much since my last Comedy Troupe, and like the group is even going backwards in terms of staying true to its missions statement.

I thought at first that this feeling might be something like me wishing Rice was the way it was when I was in it. But I disagree. There was a time when I felt like we (Rice) was really pushing itself in terms of story crafting, entertainment, drama, and really taking some chances in terms of fighting the misrepresentation of Asian Americans in the media. And now, I feel like we've reverting to the days where we use cheap (although Berkeley-crowd-pleasing) jokes, lewd and crude humor, and are in it for the packed houses and not for any real change.

Sigh.

I mean, to be hoenst, Rice basically had a whole scene based on the wackiness of Hispanic stereotypes. Granted, it was written by Neil Simon, but just because it was written by a famous playwright doesn't mean it isn't racist. I mean, C'MON!! Did no one see the fucking blatant caricatures displayed on stage?!?!? Fuck, people. Get your heads screwed on straight. Besides that, typical gender dynamics were once again reaffirmed on stage. CT had 3 skits, all three in which there was a dominant male figure and subordinate female characters. Queers are once again mocked/made a spectacle of. Skimpy outfits to draw more attention. Same old problems I always have with most CT skits. Also: talking heads intros are pissing me off. They are overdone (especially the Bad-CT-Director(s)-Get-Mauled-By-Angry-Cast flavor), and if you want some fucking craziness with all spectacle and no content, please, make it the intro, and not one of the skits. Also: I'm going to keep throwing this in every CT's face until they stop making a big deal out of it. If you can't do 60 minutes content in 17 days, you aren't pressed for time. 3.5 weeks is nothing for 3 skits, no matter how inexperienced a cast is.

Sigh.

Back to less personal gripes: Making fun of other ethnicities. Where did it go wrong? Granted, the audience ate it up. But I just wish Theatre Rice could hold itself up to higher standards. And don't get me wrong, I've participated in tons of skits that were stupid, sexist, heterosexist, badly done, offensive, etc., and I thought they were great at the time. But I'm glad I had other members in Rice to tell me that I needed to tone it down a little. I even remember once incident when I got so pissed off I kicked a desk and stormed out of 156 Dwinelle over the 2nd version of the Prop 54 skit since it wasn't "pushing people's buttons enough." I remember the Stalking Made Easy Skit, the Summer of Rice Spiderman/Llama's Goiter/Bad Pickup Lines trio of horror, and the Roommates from Hell Skit. Even the Mockshow version of Sex/Fight Club. But I thought we had started to move forward.

Hurricane Katrina. The 3 couple Cafe skit. Berkeley Royale. Ranch 99/Costco. Film Troupe. Doris Day. Purple Spirals. That was some good shit. Granted, some problems here and there, but overall, pretty fucking great pieces.

I can forsee what happens. I post my 4-post long critique. New Ricers get offended/scared/discouraged. Old ricers reassure them, cast me off as a grumpy old Ex-Ricer that quit at the end of his last semester 2 weeks early. Cycle progresses.

And that's fine. I am a grumpy old Ex-Ricer that did quit at the end of my last semester because people didn't take things as seriously as I wanted them to. And to any new Ricer (especially those that don't even know me) who finds this entry- don't worry. I was exactly in your place 4 years ago with Grace harping on my inablity to do basic characterization.

And to anyone affliated with Rice that stumbles on to this post: Don't take this personal. This is coming from someone who's life mission is to alter the media's take on Asian Americans and other minorities. This is coming from someone who put Rice before school, friends, and family. I shouldn't expect you to live up to my standards, but I do, and that's just the way it is. In the very cliched words of many, I am harsh and grumpy and seemingly pissed off because in the end, I care.

Freeeeedom!

2006-10-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

So I finally quit my job yesterday. It was surprisingly hard, since I really like my now-ex-co-workers and my ex-immediate supervisor. Cool people, but the job just wasn't right for me. So I'm now home looking for jobs to cover my ass until I start the Academy of Art in January. Woot Graphic Design!

So I was considering either Fine Art or Illustration, but I decided on Graphic Design, since I think it's the best fit for the skill set that I want to develop. I mean, I'd love to just sit around and paint and sell paintings at gallery shows for thousands of dollars, but I think my niche is more in the dissemination of information in graphically dynamic ways. I'd rather design protest posters, and indie rock show flyers, and websites, and basically figure out how to make pictures look good no matter what. Illustration would also be cool, but I'd rather work for myself, and I think that with a rigorous ass-kicking in the way of graphic design, I'll be able to produce the best products for the coming store.

FYI, the kick-off of the store is coming in February 2007. Hopefully if I get my shit together, there will be a full line of buttons, journals, wallets, clothing, posters, and hopefully some other stuff I have in the works. Woo!

Foooood. I'm hungry. I also have an itch to go play WoW. Time to kill before I head over to Berkeley to meet up with Eve (Happy Anniversary!) and we grab the dinner, then hit up the TR show. Anyhoo, I'm off to eat some lunch and shower and all that good stuff. Have a good weekend!

Whoops

2006-10-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

Woo. So it's been another week or a few since my last post. I think the reason that my posts have become less frequent is that my life is considerably less exciting than it was in college. Or, I have just become more apathetic and brain-dead due to the nature of my work.

So I thought I was starting to like my job, and then the approval rating of my job has been in slow decline thus far. I'm still trying my best, but there are times when I just want to slam the phone down, rip it out of the desk, and chuck it through the window to make a hole large enough for me to jump out of.

Thus, I am considering the notion of going back to school. Working and paying bills and trying to make rent and saving money on food and all this "grown-up" stuff is so less than ideal. Yes, I realize that this is just a part of live in a industrialized society, but at the same time, I want to make it doing something I really, really enjoy.

I completely missed the air show in SF this weekend. For some reason, modes of transportation turned into feats of awesomeness don't really get me going a lot of times. For example, car racing and boat shows and all that are cool, but it's definitely not something that's going to get me to ford the masses of masses that flock to certain areas of the city during these events. The cool thing was that on Thursday and Friday I got to see the Blue Angels dart through the sky over downtown SF. There are times I'm glad we're on the 20th story.

I am so dreading the day my student loan repayment begins. It starts very soon, and between my large credit card bills, my car insurance, rent, and groceries, it seems like I will have a whole lot of nothing left over from my paychecks. Sigh.

Eve's parents came and visited us two weekends ago. They stayed with us one night, and we went out to Benihana's. I had never been there, and it was decent food, but I guess you pay for all the knife tricks and stuff like that. Eh. I would have prefered a nice bowl of wakame udon from Mifune.

Also, my mom came and stayed with us last night. We ate at a Japanese restaurant on Fillmore, and watched Nobody Knows, the extremely heartwrenching story of the 4 children who have to fend for themselves.

Other highlight: Snakes on a Plane with Diana, Seichi, Pat, and Eve. That movie is so fucking horrible, I loved it. Seriously, this is THE movie to go see with all your friends when you are very drunk and belligerent.

"I'm sick and tired of all these motherfucking snakes, on this motherfucking plane!"

My brother made it to homecoming court (just like me), but sadly, lost (just like me). However, there is talk of voter fraud. I feel like the politics of America are trickling down to even homecoming elections. Lame.

Also: no more RISK until 4am. Fucking crazy shit, yo. Gomenosai, Ebu-chan.

Oh yeah, so I went to the SM '06 Global Audition thing. Whooo-wee, soooooo Ah-SHUN. If anything, I could potentially get called back for modeling (where I dont' have to speak Korean), but it was a bit frustrating doing a monologue in front of an auditioner who doesn't understand English. Bri-tal. But, they did have me spend some extra time posing for the camera, so hopefully I'll get called back, but I'm not really holding my breath.

Anyway, I gotta gets up early for work tomorrow, so enough of these shinanigans. Goodnight all!

I'm back, baby

2006-09-27T23:48:00.000-07:00

for reals.

Anyhoo, I finally have internet in my home, but I'm often too tired from work to really get on and post. Like now, it's late, and I have to get up early tomorrow, so thus I will keep this short.

I'm starting to not hate the job so much, and have actually had some good days. Thus, with the nice paycheck, I'm going to do my best to stick it out with the company. It's a rough job that keeps me on my toes, but when I do leave the job (I'm eventually going back to school sometime) I'm going to be so badass on the phone, I'll be unstoppable. Score.

I'm also painting again. Hopefully I'll pick up another button job, and I'm working on getting a real store up and running by February.

Eve is doing well, and she's busied herself with job searching, directing, and facilitating. Things are wonderful with us, and so far the moving in hasn't been a big deal at all.

Anyway, like I was saying, I need to sleep, so good night!

Hello!

2006-09-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

Holy crap it's cold out here...I'm typing outside a Starbucks on Divisidero since we haven't been able to get in contact of the internet person. Anyhoo, so since I last posted, I found a job in the ultimate sell-out position as an IT recruiter. So I'm basically the lacky of a corporation that places IT people in awesome jobs. It's rough, it starts early, but it pays fairly well, and since I am very, very, very broke right now, I need the job.

Ideally, I'm going to do awesome there, then leave after I make enough cash to pay off some major debts and save enough to start up my own design/radical merch store, but that seems a long way off.

Things of note: Anchorman wasn't as sexist as I thought it would be. Believe me, it's still very sexist, although I think the writers were tryin go to make it so. Either way, I was asked to watch it by my team leader, so yeah.

3 Extremes - also not femme friendly, but what do you really expect from an Asian film? Fucking patriarchy gets me down every day.

Anyhoo, Eve and I moved into our new place, and we have most of the boxes unpacked. We had a bit of a misunderstanding with our neighbors and the garbage company, so there is garbage can use/storage craziness around.

My fingers are getting cold.

Anyway, so thanks to everyone that helped me and E move in: Mike, Roz, Seichi, and Pat for helping with the desks. Awesomeness. I still owe you all dinner, so as soon as I can afford it, it's on me :D

I really could use internet in my apt. right now. The good news is that I'm getting pretty good with Adobe Illustrator now, so I hope to have some digital projects in my portfolio soon. One more step to becoming a designer, eh? Just another tool in an artist's arsenal...

So my internet is about to start costing me more, my fingers are almost numb, and my battery is dying, so I'm about to start wrapping it up right now. I'm slowly getting used to this job thing, but this 7:30-5:30 shit wears me down. Fuck. Eh, gotta keep at it, and hopefully I'll get up to speed making deals soon (I'm still a lowly trainee). Anyhoo, I'm going out for drinks with the office tomorrow after work. Nuts.

Seriously, did anyone ever see me taking a corporate job? Well, I kinda thought it might happen, but I was trying to avoid it the best I could. Still, the people are pretty chill there, so we'll see. If anything, I still need to keep to my roots of activism and stuff, so deep down inside I'm still wearing my black hoodie and holding a spraycan.

Okay, I'm off. If anyone needs me, call me, cuz walking to Starbux sucks shitballs. Plus, I hate going inside, cuz I'd feel obligated to buy something, and I refuse to buy from those assholes.

Woot, we found a home!

2006-08-24T16:30:00.000-07:00

So if you haven't been keeping up (and I don't blame you if you haven't), Eve and I have been staying at her sister's place while we job hunt and look for a place to live. However, yesterday we dropped off our deposit for our new soon-to-be-home on Pine Street in the lovely city of San Francisco. Wooo!

It's a nice, ground-level apartment that we hope to eventually turn into a live-in graphic design studio.

Until then, we are still looking for jobs, and if anyone knows of any leads, I would be very thankful.

I didn't get the job at the nonprofit (lost it to a guy with more educational experience, but I hear it was close), and I interviewed at the Kinokunia Stationary shop, so I might be a Japanese stationary peddler for a while. But, I'll find out in a few days if I got the job. Thus, I'm still sending out applications and resumes and cover letters and such.

Also, because my internet is sketchy now (I'm bumming off a semi-reliable signal from someone close to Roz's), I've been very lazy about putting up photos from Australia and Europe. However, some Australia pics are up on my facebook account. So for those that are connected, you can find some up there.

Anyhoo, I going back to the online job hunt, so wish me luck, and I'll see y'all later.

Good god

2006-08-17T03:21:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, it's been 13 days since my last post. Well, such is life.

So Eve and I are kinda homeless, but thankfully her lovely sister Roz has put us up for the past week and a half. We're doing our best to find housing, but it's hard as recent grads. But, hopefully I'm getting a job soon, so it'll be nice to actually have a steady income.

I'm applying at various non-profits, so hopefully I'll either be making the world more aware of environmental and public health issues, or organizing after school programs for disadvantaged kids. At best, I'll get a call back from Good Vibes and I'll be a sex educator sales associate, but everyone wants that job, so we'll see.

Other than that, I've been going to rehearsal for Blood is Thick, a play written and directed by one of the founders of Theatre Rice, Duy Nguyen. I have one of the lead roles (yipee!) and am working with a pretty damn talented cast. Hopefully it'll go into full production, and I'm crossing my proverbial fingers that I get recast for that show. If you want to come to the show, details follow.

I recently saw Oldboy. Holy shit, this movie is fucked up. I mean, the cinematics were great, and the storytelling was amazing, but it was so disturbing on so many levels that I have a hard time recommending it. The biggest issue were that the womyn were basically just tools for the men's psychological warfare. Some fucked up shit. Cold blooded!

Sadly, I find the whole "use womyn as objects" theme fair strong with Asian cinema. Wait, let me rephrase that. The whole "use womyn as objects" theme is MORE OBVIOUS in Asian cinema. Hollywood is just as bad, but they disguise it better and pass poor womyn roles off as "quirky" and shit like that. Bah.

I am in the process of starting up a online store. A real one this time. I took advantage of the awesome design literature in Australia, and have been reading up on how to do shit properly. With branding, logos, etc., etc. It has the classic radical slant to it though. You may wonder how a store with logos and brands can be radical? Oh, you shall see. However, it shall be a store that does more than just sell radical merch. 25% of the cash will go to charities of consumers' choosing. Look for this dealy in...well, to be honest, like 6 months or so. Just giving everyone a head's up.

I picked up Flight: Volume III. OVerall, I think Vol. II was better, but Kazu Kibuishi does it again with a fucking awesome comic on war. Also, Rudophe Guenoden has a great one on stereotypes. By far these are the best two comics in the book. I am also insanely jealous of Kibuishi and want to kick his ass based solely on the fact his style is amazing, his colors fabulous, and his storytelling badass. Fucker.

I have also realized that I gotta cut back on my cussing a lot if I get this fucking kid's job. But, if I get this kids' job, I think cutting back on my fucking toilet mouth is more than worth it. Disadvantaged kids! Rick! How can this not work?!?!?! But seriously, I'm tired, and this would be an awesome job opportunity. Plus, it starts at 11am! I can sleep in! Ahhhhh! Oh man, I really hope I at least get to interview. Sigh. It's late, I'm sleepy, and now I'm going crazy. Time for bed, it seems.

Anyhoo, so I'm off to sleepy sleep, and here's the details if you're around and want to see a crazy play in SF. It's good, but crazy. Also: No, I don't get naked, or even take off my shirt. Goodnight.

JON SIMS CENTER AND ONE4ALL THEATRE PRESENTS
WORKS-IN-PROGRESS:
BLOOD IS THICK
Directed by Duy Nguyen

Friday and Saturday, August 18th and 19th, 2006 at 8pm

"It takes a bit of blood to be normal."

Told in-the-round with the action surrounding the audience, Blood is Thick is a dark comedy about what it takes to be normal.
Hien-- a drug dealer, a sex hustler, and various other no-no's-- shapeshifts through society. He assumes different identities in an attempt to find his father and deliver a message. Along the way, a bit of blood and lot of lies grease the wheels. . .

Featuring
Nonoko Sato, Annie Wang, Rick Kitagawa, Christopher Chen, John Shin,
Nick Kiefer, Russell E. Wright, Pearl Wong

Ticket Reservations: 415.554.0402
Admission Cost: $10 - $20 (sliding scale - no one turned away for lack of funds)

Back in the USA

2006-08-04T01:40:00.000-07:00

Hello all! I'm back in the States! It was a hectic 13-hour airplane ride home (mostly because I was sick), but I'm feeling much better right now, and after taking a 5 hour nap, am up and about post midnight. Seems about normal for me :)

The last week in Melbourne was pretty spiffy, as well as our last week in Australia (which was in Sydney). We checked out that Dracula's place, which was really fun, but a bit disturbing, as it showed how Australia (or perhaps just comedy?) is a bit behind the times in terms of political sensitivity.

The show was made up of a bunch of different short acts making up the "Beasts of Burlesque" show. The most disturbing act probably wasn't the glow-in-the-dark blacklight song and dance routine about a sperm and egg and featured a giant dancing penis and a huge fetus, but was an act about Independent Womyn. Usually, you would think that womyn singing "Independent Woman" by Destiny's Child (or was it just Beyonce's song?) is just fine and dandy with Rick. But when it's a white lady singing a song by black womyn while dressed up in a rip-off geisha costume doing a lame "oriental" dance, I have a few issues with it.

Besides that, everything was entertaining, but it just made me miss my radical little bunnyhole that is Berkeley a bit. Still, I was glad to go, as we took a little train into the dining room, and had some awesome drinks there.

Also in Melbourne, we hit up the International Film Festival there. We managed to snag opening night tickets for my birthday and we ended up getting to walk up the red carpet with all the people that seemed to matter a lot more than the two of us. It was still very cool walking past all the photographers and stuff.

So. The opening night film was 2:37. It is probably one of the most disturbing, honest films I have seen in a long time, and I don't want to talk about it any more as its plot has a lot of twists and turns and I don't want to spoil it for anyone that has the opportunity to see it. But it turns life inside out and shows some very real and very troubling problems that lay beneath the surface of our daily lives. Seriously, probably in my top ten list EVER, and easily in my top 20.

We managed to catch two films the next day before we had to catch our bus to take overnight to Sydney. We saw "Tales of an Osaka Love Thief," a Japanese film about male hosts, guys who are paid to entertain womyn in Japan. Also emotionally stirring, with interesting twists in the way the documentary pans out, I really enjoyed this film. Also highly recommended. I'll probably post more about this later.

Finally, we saw a film "Searching for Cheyenne," a French film that was a replacement film for a film that didn't make it to Melbourne due to late mailing or some sort. It was a bit long, but a good piece about love, your beliefs, and the economic problems of France. Another good recommendation, although out of the three films I saw this was my least favorite. But it was still good (the other two films were really great, so the bar of comparison is high).

That night we took a train to Sydney, and we both nearly killed ourselves lugging our hiking backpacks, our day packs, and a suitcase filled with dry goods and souvenirs. You see, we bought some rare Asian foodstuffs at a place called Laguna in Melbourne, meaning to mail them to Eve's family and ourselves in the US. However, it turned out to be ungodly expensive (~$50 per package, and we had 3), and without a permit to mail food to the US, it might not even make it. Thus, we bought a cheap $50 luggage, filled it with all our souvenirs and food, and lugged that beast around for a while.

But finally we made it to our hostel in King's Cross (Sydney is divided into burroughs or something like SF has the Castro, SOMA, etc, and King's Cross is one of them) named Eva's Backpackers. So as Rick and Eve were staying at Eva's, we found it a lot smaller than the Greenhouse Backpackers, but just as friendly, and we were delighted that we had a window in our room and the bed didn't excessively squeak everytime you even roll over. It is also worth noting that after we had already booked the hostel, we read in the Lonely Planet that Kings Cross is a stew of prostitution, drugs, crime, and general low-lifes abounding. After a bit more exploration of the area farther from the little strip of hostels that we belonged to, we found numerous "Club X" operations (the universal title for a seedy strip club/peep show/etc. in Australia, it seems) and a bunch of prostitutes walking around.

Anyhoo, so we explored Darling Harbor, met up with Jisun, a nice Korean womyn we made friends with in Melbourne who was also travelling to Sydney, checked out the Museum of Contemporary Art, the Powerhouse Museum, the Australian Museum, Luna Park, Manly Beach, Paddy's Market, Chinatown, and the Sydney Aquarium.

Sydney is a fun place to play, but I think I would still rather live in Melbourne. Although, public transportation seems to be cheaper in Sydney, as it is more accessible and goes farther. Eh.

Anyway, we got to go surfing at Manly Beach, and we didn't get killed by sharks, jellyfish, nor blue-ringed octopi. It was physically exhausting (and we only surfed for two hours!), which means that Rick needs to get off his lazy butt and start exercising again. Our exercise program in Australia fell a bit short as Eve got sick, then I got sick, so it was a bit rough sometimes, but we managed alright.

Paddy's Market still paled in comparison to the mighty awesomeness of Victoria Market, but it was still nice getting fresh veggies at super cheap prices. Lovely.

Quickly, to respond to Bruce's friend's comments: Thanks for the clarification on "No standing" vs "No Parking" (No standing means not even idling there). Also, yes, I could have gotten cheaper beer, but seriously, Victoria Bitter and Carlton Draught? Kinda lame beers in my opinion. I perfer my imports. Also: Yes, I hate American toilets after seeing how water-friendly Aussie toilets are. However, with my massive shits, I think I need my American super flushes.
Thanks Jesse for the conversion factor, and yes, wombats are super fucking huge. They apparently easily put huge dents in your engine if you hit one while driving.
Oh yeah, and they have "pokies" here instead of "slot machines," but I already knew that thanks to Cranium.

Anyhoo, so the Aquarium was pretty cool, as they have an underwater area where you get to see into a seal tank, as well as a shark/ray tank. Pretty sweet, as I got to see a stingray as large as me.

The Australian Museum was pretty chill, as they had a bunch of cool animal skeletons and neato stuff on biodiversity, and the Powerhouse museum was a nod to modern and historical industrial innovations and science and stuff like that. My favorite was the MCA, which had an exhibit called "Zones of Contact," which focused on migration, displacement, and shifts in culture and identity when two or more peoples meet. We sadly only got to stay for about an hour and a half, but from what we saw, some of the works were amazing. They really hit home on what it feels like to be a refugee, or what happens when you're trapped in a no-man's land because something is wrong with your papers. One of my favorite pieces was an installation where you walk in a room and you see floorboards, lighted from above, installed above you. A very grim and disturbing nod to anyone that has had to hide in a basement or under a house to avoid persecution, deportation, or death. Good shit. Eve and I pitched in for the book that had the artist commentary on all the works exhibited, so I can't wait to take a look at that.

Also: thanks to everyone that remembered my birthday. You guys are cool.

Eve and I bought a one-week travel pass which was good for all buses, ferries, and trains in Sydney, which was super cool. Thus, we road ferries a lot and saw Luna Park, Manly Beach, and the Sydney Olympic Park. It was like having a super-pass for SF.

So on the second to last night in Australia, Eve and I ate at a super-nice Japanese restaurant. We came after our ferry ride back from surfing, so we were a bit tired, and I was carrying my big-ass backpack stuffed with our towels and swimsuits. We ended up sitting at the sushi bar, and once we walked in, we noticed how nice the place really was. Let's just say I was the only guy not wearing a dress shirt and tie. However, the service was really great, and the food was amazing. I think I had the best piece of Maguro (I know, I shouldn't be eating tuna, but eh) I've ever had in my life. We had fresh oysters, a seaweed salad, soft-shelled crab, a sashimi platter, and some spicy tuna rolls. It was awesome. It was also pricey ($140 AUS), but it was worth it. Especially since no one was sure whether or not were were "from Japan Japanese." They kept speaking to me in Japanese when they brought the food out, but I just kept nodding my head and saying "Hai! Arigato." There was a table of business men behind us who apparently were having a debate to whether or not we were "Nihon Nihon," as we call it. The funniest thing was, was that I was wearing my Japanese World Cup Jersey, and Eve was wearing a union jack shirt. We spoke in both English and Japanese, so we left them all very confused. It was lovely.

Oh yes, one of the bad things about Australia is that, just like a lot of white people here, people have a hard time wrapping their heads around that fact that people can be American and not be white. It was mindboggling to so many people that I was born in America, and so were my parents and grandparents.

So the song of our trip was "Forever Young," which I swear I heard at least five times a week (and mind you, we didn't have a radio to listen to). A lot of music we heard was late 80's, mid 90's stuff, although the mix was so jumpy, I couldn't really tell what people listen to there.

Anyway, I'm getting tired of typing, but I did take over 2000 photos between my Europe and Australia trips, and once I get settled, I'll post the better ones online.

Oh yeah, and one quick last self-promotion. I'm cast in one of the lead roles in a play "Blood Is Thick," written by old TR co-founder Duy Nguyen. It'll be playing in SF on August 18th and 19th, so keep posted for more info. Okay, goodnight!
PS - If you asked for a postcard, you'll be getting them fairly soon. I sent them out pretty late, so it may be a week or two.

Australia!!

2006-07-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Woot! So I'm in Australia now, and even though most people have probably given up on checking this blog with any sort of frequency, I am back!

So the trip was long as shit. 17 hours, 55 minutes. Crazy. We had a brief stopover in New Zealand, but we really only had time to get a bit lost in the terminal, buy some kiwi cream-filled chocolates, and get a cup of coffee. We then managed to mysteriously lose a day and arrive two days after we had left.

We took a Skybus to the Greenhouse Backpacker's hostel where I'm currently staying. Eve and I will be here in Melbourne for another week or so until we hop on an overnight bus and head off for our last week in Sydney.

Melbourne is really awesome and it reminds me a lot of San Francisco. It's foggy, cold as shit, and rainy. But sunny and overcast more, so it's cool. I also don't sweat here, since it's fucking cold as hell wouldn't be, so I'm happy and dry.

So far I've been able to hit up the Great Ocean Road, where I saw koalas in the wild, checked out the 12 Apostles, and saw some great coastline. I've also hit up St. Philip's Island where I got to see these tiny, cute, 1-foot tall penguins waddle up from the ocean to their nests. It was fucking awesome, and I even was able to find some bootleg footage of the event. I was also able to hit up a wildlife preserve, where we hand-fed kangaroos, wallabies, and saw tazmanian devils and emus. I also got to pet and take a picture with a wombat! They're like little fucking tanks that can weigh up to 45 kg. I'm still not quite sure how that converts to pounds, but from the look of the little fucker, it must be pretty goddamn heavy.

The biggest thing about Australia that takes getting used to is the metric system. Fuck America and their goddamn pounds and shit. There is this awesome street market that has fresh, organic produce, seafood, and meat for cheap, and everything is in kilos, so I have no fucking idea how much I'm saving/losing money. If anyone knows the exact conversion, please email me. Seriously. Bananas are fucking hella expensive, but that's cuz there is some shortage. Also, golden kiwis are the bomb.

We met up with Eve's aunt and we cooked for her and her family, which was really cool. They're super nice people, and really hospitable. Sadly, when her aunt took me and Eve out to dinner with her church friends, we got a lot of sexist and old fashioned shit from them. First off, I must tell you that since there is no cultural equivalent to what Eve and I are (serious partners), Eve's mom introduced me as Eve's fiance'. So I get some old fucks telling me how I'm asking for my own freedom and shit like that. It pissed both of us off, especially that the guy's wife wasn't even standing up for herself. She said "When I first got engaged, I got an engagement ring. Then, I got a marriage ring. Now, he's suffeRing." Sure, that's pretty funny if you buy into the old-fashioned bullshit of patriarchal dominance; that womyn should just stay at home and have babies and bake and clean. Yeah, fuck that.

Eve and I have realized that marriage is a lot of bullshit, and that it priviledges couples. We bought an awesome book in the gift shop of the Melbourne Design Festival about subversive advertising, and we saw an ad about how we shouldn't be asking if it's right for queers to marry, but that we should be questioning marriage in the first place, as it privileges couples, plain and simple. While I agree that as long as we're marrying anyone, queers should totally have that right, I do question the entire system, as it discriminates against independent people, people's self worth, and basically makes people feel shitty if they aren't married. Fuck this imaginary standard that forces people to stay in relationships they don't want and makes people feel like they really only succeed when they find a partner for life. Lame.

Anyway, the hostel is clean and cool, and has a large kitchen that operates like the co-op houses. It's nice to be able to cook a lot and make my own shit. Saves money too.

Tomorrow we're going to some restaurant/bar/entertainment venue called "Dracula's." Apparently it's like a burlesque show/carnival that serves a three-course dinner, drinks, and has a two-hour show followed by dancing. It should be super fun, as all the entertainers have some sort of gothic/undead/vampire thing going. Good stuff.

Also, I got to see an Aussie Rules Football Game. It's a mix between Rugby and soccer and maybe football, and they give 6 points for a goal and 1 point if it comes close. They bash the shit out of each other sans pads, and it's a fucking great sport to see live. I hope to see another game soon, but if you have time, check up on the AFL. Fucking crazy fans and fun stuff. I want to buy a regulation footie. And a team scarf, but I still haven't decided which team I want to support. Speaking of which, "rooting" means "fucking" here. So if you want to root for that entier team, your genitalia will be tired post root session. Strange.

Quick Australia tidbits:
-Burger King is "Hungry Jack's
-they drive on the left, and the driver's side is on the right
-they have both half and full flushes on the toilets
-I still can't tell which way the water drains
-"No parking" is "No Standing"
-Alcohol is super fucking expensive. AUS$40 for a handle of Smirnoff, and I paid AUS$38 for a 700ml bottle of Absolut. Beer is AUS$24 for a 6-pack of Stella Artois, which goes for $9 in the US.
-The exchange rate favors the US dollar, but it's about 70 cents to each Australian dollar. So booze is still hella expensive.
-They spell everything over here like Brits, so it's favour, colour, and other things like that.
-It's weird how it's winter in July.

Anyway, my time is up for this computer terminal, so I must be off to bed now. Goodnight, and I hope everyone's summer is grand!

Cheers!

Post from Europe!

2006-06-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

So, this trip has been really cool thus far, as I've been traveling at breaknecks speed, hitting up Britain, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and other countries in only 6ish days. Crazy. It's also with a tour group, so I haven't been able to do everything I would have liked, but I guess that's the main reason I want to head back.

Main points of interest...
1. The water in the Central Park Hotel in London is slimey. Pretty gross.
2. Austrian people have seemed to be the most racist thus far. We were seated in a shitty corner of a restaurant that was half flooded, and we had shitty service.
3. There is a lot of racism around, especially coming from a town as supposedly tolerant as Berkeley.
4. Amsterdam is pretty cool, but I didn't really have a chance to experience the city the way it was meant to be experienced. But I did snag a fucking cool sweatshirt.

Anyway, I gotta hit up breakfast so I gotta roll, then we're off to Italy. Crazy! Also, we've been having insane 6am wakeup calls all week. Okay, hope everyone is doing well! Laters!

Europe!

2006-06-17T22:47:00.000-07:00

Usually, when I think of Europe, I think of "The Final Countdown," which I do adore, but this time, when I think of Europe, I think of this magical place where I will fortunately be transported via international flight in less than 18 hours.

I'm packing my bags, armed with multi-colored sharpies, stickers, sketchbooks, snacks, and my camera, and I'll be heading out with Eve and her family to tour Europe for two weeks. We'll be hitting up the UK, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, Italy, Switzerland, and France. Craziness.

Anyway, I've been staying with Eve's family in Bellflower for the past few days, and we've hit up a purikura shop (holyjesuschristthisplaceisawesome), Disneyland (only because we know someone that works there), and various awesome places to eat food. Before that, I was in Stockton with my mom, making the Glasswall rounds, hitting up Leanne's wedding (congrats again!), and watching videos.

Things to blog about eventually, but I probably won't get around to it:
-Underworld: Evolution
-GenX Cops
-Disneyland (ski ball!)
-Purikura (Japanese photo booths that are AWESOME)
-Leanne and Wilson's wedding

Anyway, I'm off to see the world, as when I get back, I get a day to rest/repack/shop, then I'm off with Eve to Australia for a month. I'll do my best to update here and email peeps that have contacted me, but I may or may not be able to get internet, as Mr. Laptop won't be travelling with me, and I'll be on only at internet cafes and all that jazz.

So I'm getting ready for my first REAL trip out of the country (Rosarito, MX, doesn't count), and what a doozy it will be.

Alkaline Trio - The Fillmore - June 1, 2006

2006-06-02T08:55:00.000-07:00

Set List:
Cringe
Cop
San Francisco
Nose Over Tail
As You Were
Enjoy Your Day
Clavicle
My Little Needle
Southern Rock
Message from Kathleen
Trouble Breathing
-
Matt Skiba acoustic:
Sorry About That
Blue in the Face
-
Dan Andriano acoustic:
Every Thug Needs a Lady
Blue Carolina
-
Good Fuckin' Bye
Armaggedon
I'm Dying Tomorrow
Dethbed
Warbrain
You've Got So Far To Go
Burn
Goodbye Forever
She Took Him To the Lake
Private Eye
This Could Be Love
Radio

It was an awesome show which ended up with me getting both the first AND second half setlists, while everyone else only got one of the halves. Muah ha ha! Thanks to Eve for coming with me, and to everyone else who made it a relatively injury-free concerts (which doesn't happen with most of the shows I go to).

In other news, Eve and I are finally out of our apartments and staying at the cozy and quaint Hotel des Arts in San Francisco. If you are around and want to do something/hang out, and still read this, let me know! Woot!

This coming week: apartment hunting, experiencing the life that is SF, and bunnies!

Summer

2006-05-26T16:57:00.000-07:00

Ah, summer. Post graduation bliss.

So now I'm living with Eve in 204, and we've just been slowly moving stuff into storage a little bit each day. So far we've gotten most of the larger stuff in there, including my fridge, her large bookshelf, our desks, and my computer and television. Now we're pretty much just packing up Eve's books and papers and clothes, and we'll be ready to go.

It's going to be really interesting for me, as this will be my first apartment that I don't make tri-monthly payments to a central office that takes care of everything for me. It will also be the first time since the dorms where I don't have to do workshift. But, it will be our apartment, and that definitely seems worth it.

We've also been watching a lot of Blood+ recently, a cool newish anime about a girl who fights giant vampire bat monsters. Coolness to the max.

I got to hang out with Seichi and Brian yesterday, making a trip to Albatross, Brian's work, as well as Thalassa for some pool and shuffleboard. Good times catching up and drinking various beers. Also, two games of connect four being played simultaneously while inibriated is great fun.

Wednesday night Eve and I hit up a place in the City called Medicine Eatstation. It was a trendy Kyoto-temple-meets-SF-chic place on Sutter St. It was pretty good, although the appetizer portions were really small. The entrees were surprisingly filling though, so you can easily get pretty full with a $18 dinner. Not bad considering I expected to end up paying a lot more. Eve had a roasted artichoke stuffed with red peppers and tofu, while I had morrel and asparagus gyoza with a pepper dipping sauce. We also got 9-grain rice, soup, and pickled veggies on the side. We also got some "snow princess" sake, which was super yummy; probably the best that Overall, the food was pretty cool, and you get to sit on these really comfortable butt mats. Not amazingly great, but overall a fun experience with some tasty food.

Afterwards, we hit up A.C.T. for a showing of "A Number," by Caryl Churchill. It is a play examining cloning, but more of a look at what it means to be original, to be yourself, and second chances. It questions authenticity, what it means to be you, and redemption. It was a short 65-minute dealy, but it was pretty cool and thought-provoking. The acting had something to be desired, as Churchill writes with a lot of dashes and unfinished thoughts, and the delivery of such lines were very methodical and didn't seem to be backed up by real motivation or fully flushed out characters. Granted, I give Josh Charles props for being able to play three different characters (he jumps back and forth with only short scene changes in between), but still, the dialogue seemed a bit cut and dry. Overall, I felt it was a strong piece and was enjoyable.

Today we've been helping out Kathleen work on her video project. It's been cool and fun and after filming her interview I can see how awesome she is and how deserving she is of the internship that she's going for. Go Kathleen!

I love Eve! Just need to write that. Okay, now it's time for our run today, since we woke up late, and I was a bit drunk. So on to the afternoon run! Marathons, here we come!

Graduation and all that jazz

2006-05-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

So I'm done. Really done, as I just checked my grade in Physics and I got a C!! I also managed to get an A in yoga, A- in Asian Studies, and A- in Human Sexuality and Reproduction. Overall, not too shabby, considering how much effort I actually put into my classes.

So Graduation. My mom, my brother, and Pat came up the night before and crashed at my place. My brother had a couch, my mom had my bed, Pat slept on the couch in the living room, and I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. I got very little sleep, and was up at 7:10 to shower and get all purty for my graduation ceremony. I met up with Christina and we sat next to each other during the ceremony, making Arrested Development jokes and trying to keep ourselves occupied. My mom bought me one of those orchid leis, which was pretty dope, as she got me the blue/purple ones, rather than the purple dealies. She knows what colors I like.

Overall, the commencement was pretty cool, with my medical ethnobotany professor giving the keynote lecture on the awesomeness of integrative biology and being able to integrate lots of different experiencens and fields together. Go Carlson!

My anatomy professor was the one that read my namecard, and she completely butchered my name, although it was phonetically spelled right below the actual spelling. Also, she apparently couldn't read "Asian American Studies" until during the second try. Overall, it was pretty funny at how inept a 75-year old womyn who looks like a zombie could be when she's also one of the best anatomy teachers around, apparently.

But it was pretty cool, as Ruby, Howard, Leanne, Mom, Dad, Mick, Donny, Patrick, and Merianne all came up for the ceremony. Also, Seichi showed up to root the rest of the Trinity of Evil on, which was lovely, besides the fact that he just didn't want to walk even though he could have.

Afterwards, lunch was nice. Tuk Tuk Thai was cool, and lots of awesome friends came. Thank you to everone for showing up and putting up with my stupid speech and my father's one. Woot!

Anyway, after lunch in a fury I rushed home to move the rest of my shit out, as I had to be out of the apartment by 6pm. Thanks to Seichi and the gang, I was able to move some of the heavier stuff really quickly. Also, major thanks to Sun and Eve for putting in the extra time and effort to get my ass out of that co-op.

Craziness. I'm currently staying with Eve and Lisa, although Lisa will be gone as of tomorrow morning. So, apartment 204 is our temporary residence now. After the 1st, we will be in SF looking for apartments and hanging out, then we'll be in Stockton for a friend's wedding, then we'll be in LA.

Then, on June 18th, we head out to Europe for 2 weeks, then back to the states, then Australia for a month. Crazy. This is a huge step in my life, as a)I have never lived in my own apartment (I've always lived in either the dorms or a co-op where I can leave it a fucking huge mess with holes in the walls, trash on the floor, and spraypaint on the walls and it's only a $100 deposit loss), and b) I have never been out of the country. Plus, I'm moving in with Eve, which is another pretty fucking large step, but one I'm very happy and enthusiastic about.

Anyway, that's pretty much all I've been up to recently. Now it's just time to spend time with friends and catch up before people move to NY, we move to SF, or we head out of the country. So hit me up. I'm much more free and would love to spend time with awesome people like you guys. Wooooo!

Now, it's on to the real world, apparently.

Done

2006-05-17T13:22:00.000-07:00

Wow. I'm done. I'm confident enough in my performance at the final that I'll graduate without a hitch. Well, actually, I either did fairly well or horrendous, but either way, I'm now assuming I'm graduating, and if I have to come back to get my degree, I'll worry about that later.

But it's finally coming to a close. 5 years of UC Berkeley has come to an end. Sigh. As great as it has been, its time to move on, but only a little bit. I'll still be around, helping out with Take Back the Night, FemAction, Vagina Monologues, Theatre Rice, etc. But I'll be living across the bay, trying to find a stable job and seeing what it's like to live in a thriving metropolitan city for once.

Summer is almost here, with my first trip out of the country (as I don't really count Baja California as being out of California). Time to pack shit up once again, find a new place to live, and set up shop once more.

Fuck I'm tired, but if I sleep, I won't wake up for a while, and I have my mother's 50th birthday to celebrate tonight, so the Eve and I will be driving back to Stockton for a one-night engagement.

Whew. Just finished lunch and drinks with Jade, who will be co-commanding CT next semester. It was good catching up and just hanging out.

I feel like this summer is my first REAL break since I started college. Well, the Vegas wedding trip, the Grand Canyon and Half Dome were all breaks, but I don't think I've ever had an entire month to myself where I'm not worrying about Theatre Rice, school projects, or trying to deal with some sort of commitment. I'll be gone for an entire month, and will be traversing the streets of Melbourne and hanging out with penguins. Sweet.

But for now, I'm going to clean up a bit, and get ready for this evening's festivities.

I still can't believe I'm done.

Rice critique, finals suck

2006-05-16T13:08:00.000-07:00

Goddammit, I spent the majority of yesterday trying to handle some computer problems instead of cleaning my room. Arg! Luckily, the internet can make up for my CD boot disc deficiencies, and Windows ME is easliy rebootable. Woot!

I also packed up a lot of shit and threw it in storage, although I still have lots and lots of shit to do. By the way, anyone that's been in Europe during the month of June, what's the weather like there? Shorts? Sweatshirts? Eh? Anyone?

Also, yes, Lisa, I was in a Heald Business College commercial. And tell your mom I said hi!

So I finally posted a critique on the Rice Showcase here at their forums. I think commenting on Rice shows can be really hard, as I see Rice as this mix of business and pleasure. You have a lot of friends in the show, but if things didn't go so well, you don't want to smash their egos, but at the same time as a critic of theatre, I feel obligated to point out the deficiencies. Eh, life is hard. But as someone put it, it's better to have a friend tell you that a shirt/dress/whatever looks hideous on you than have you walk around looking like an idiot all day.

This is my current AIM away message:
Finals:0, Rick:2.
But the ball is in Physics' court and I have no legs, and the next shot is worth 50 billion points.

Seriously. I haven't started studying for my final that will determine whether or not I graduate. Oh boy, I need to get cracking. Okay, okay! I'm going! I'm turning off the computer and heading to the library. wish me luck people. I will so need it.

Ug, finals

2006-05-15T16:21:00.000-07:00

Gosh, it's been so long since the last update here. Eh, so it goes.

So I've actually been pretty busy with packing, planning the move, studying for and taking finals, and doing the whole graduation thing.

I actually managed to score an A- in my Human Sexuality and Reproduction class. I didn't think this was possible, but I managed to pull off a B+ on the final and all the participation in discussion and lecture pushed me up to the A-. Weeee! I still don't know what I got on my Asian Studies class, but I calculated that even if I got a B- on my final, I would probably still get an A- in the class, and I think I did really well on the final, so yay.

However, my physics final is Wednesday, and I have yet to start studying for it. Sigh. This is the class that is most likely to cause me to stay an extra semester at Berkeley to get my degree. Sigh. The new material we're being tested on is pretty easy and straightforward, but the final is culmulative, so we'll see how it goes.

Yesterday was Eve's commencement cermony. It was brutally hot sitting in the sun for 2.5 hours (as we got there early), but it was actually one of the better cermonies I've been to. The speaker was really good, and she managed to tie in storytelling with identity, literature, current events, and graduation very well. It was a good dealy. It was also great seeing Eve walk the stage with a big smile and get her commencement scroll. It was also cool seeing CT (Christina, not the Comedy Troupe) and Jesse walk as well. Yay!

Afterwards, we hit up this awesome Thai place in SF with Lisa and Eve's family, and it was tasty, as always.

I'm currently up to my waist in boxes full of my books and other assorted things, and I've realized I need to start really packing shit up, but I guess I should wait until after my last final Wednesday.

Anyway, I really should at least crack my physics book, as well as take a nap, because I am really fucking tired. Too much good food at Chevy's today makes Rick a sleepy bunny.

Woot!

Yaggle yaggle yaggle

2006-05-08T15:07:00.000-07:00

So I don't know what "yaggle" means, but it reminded me of the Ally McBeal episode about the "gaggles." Does anyone remember that shit?

Anyway, so first off, I just have to re-port Kaelynn's awesome O-chem post. For anyone that's taken O-Chem at Cal. Can you dig it?

wind kicks a cloud of dust down the empty boulevard

townsfolk have gone into hiding

sheriff is cowering behind the water trough outside the jail

two figures stand with 20 paces between them....

Kaelynn (in her tight-@$$ jeans): I thought i told you never to come back.
Aldol: That was before I heard about what you done to Nitro.
Kaelynn: Nitro?
Aldol: Nitro.
Kaelynn: ahhh. 2-nitrobenzaldehyde. Nitro saw it comin'. Let's just say you wouldn't recognize him anymore... after I'd wittiged his @$$. Muahahahahaha!!!!
Aldol: Live it up Kaelynn, cuz you're never gonna get my purified crystals this time.
Kaelynn: Oooo. Oh we'll see about that, Aldol.
Aldol: What you got up your sleeve this time, undergrad.
Kaelynn: [takes out a syringe filled with NaOH]
Aldol: *shit*!
Kaelynn: Prepare to dehydrate!

[Aldol is too slow in releasing his HCL gas trap!]
[Kaelynn showers Aldol in base!]
[Aldol condenses and turns into an alkene]
[water and regenerated NaOH are all that's left of the carnage... (it's like boomerang base... it just comes right back atcha!)]

Kaelynn: Sheriff! Recrystalize the fool. I have one hefty lab report to write up.

So I ended up not getting the Kaiser job, and in fact, I was actually cut at the half-day point (where they made the 2nd cut of the process). I wasn't the least bit surprised, as I didn't do well in the dance portion of the audition, and I didn't hog the stage nearly enough during the teambuilding section.

I'm not really bummed at all, as although it would have been nice to have a year's job security with full benefits and a 30k salary doing education acting, it's not necessarily the kind of stuff I'd like to do. There's a lot of stress, 5am calltimes, and reading for shitty kid roles. Also, I really don't like when I have to audition based on my ability to be schmoozy and happy all the time. Fuck that.

I'd much rather have an audition where I go in, do my monologue and/or cold reading, and get judged based on that, rather than if I can be friendly all the time and be everyone's best buddy.

But fortunately, I can now audition for other acting gigs that would be more challenging for me, as well as stay involved with Take Back the Night and FemAction and stuff like that. Now it's just about finding a job :D And finding a place to live. Ug. It's hard cuz Eve and I don't want to rent something out when we're not even going to be living there for at least a month. Although maybe we'll try and get something for July, and then actually move in in August. I hope it doesn't come to that, but eh. We'll see.

Also, there was a little painting thrown up on campus last week. See if you recognize the location. I don't know who could have done something like spraypaint on our magnificent campus, but at least this vandal put up a positive message. I wonder who could have done such a thing. Definitely not me. But either way, I appreciate this person's piece, which is a bit sloppy and hastily done, but since it looks like probably one of their first pieces, I guess it's okay.

Also, due to the sightings of the tag "love." like this one (right next to the "Crime: don't even think about it" UCPD poster) on campus, I wonder if these two artists are in any way related. They probably aren't the exact same person, but who knows? Not me, that's for sure.

Anyway, street art is cool.

So, I should be studying for my final tomorrow, as it is going to be a lot harder than my last MT in the class, and I am in prime position to actually get an A, so I really need to buckle down, but alas, I so don't want to study. Bah.

I feel like everything is going by so fast. I have reviews up the wazoo this week, and two finals, plus Eve's graduation, grad stuff to take care of, plus all the moving/finding a place/job stuff to worry about, but whatever. It hasn't really hit me that in 29 hours I will never be obligated to take another class at Cal (unless of course, I come back for an Asian American Studies PhD), nor has it hit me that I will be done with school in 12 days. Crazy.

That said, I'm now getting into Hitman 2 for my gamecube. I've had the game for 2 years now (I bought it on sale for $18), but only recently have I really been playing it. It's not extremely hard, but there's a lot of trial and error, which can be frustrating at time. However, when you figure out how to finally assassinate the people, it's pretty rewarding. And who says that video games reward violence?

Anyhoo, I should shower now and start on the studying. Blarg. Okay, wish me luck.

Woot!

2006-05-04T13:36:00.000-07:00

Yay! So I auditioned yesterday for Kaiser Permanente's Educational Theatre Program, and I thought I did so so. I did a monologue from Neil Simon's "Brighton Beach Memoirs," and I actually did it under 1-minute for the first time DURING the audition. Whew. I was a bit upset with myself due to lack of projection (it was an room with weird acoustics), but I thought I did a good job, and after I finished, it looked like they enjoyed it.

I was hard finding a good monologue (and I wasn't even crazy about that one), because I was supposed to do something reflecting my ability to play a character between 12-18. Most of my monologues that I like are in the 20-30's range. But yeah, I think I did okay, and I just checked the list, and I made callbacks! Woo!

I was glad that I have experience working with kids and doing health education, and I think that helped out my mediocre performance, but yeah. Wish me luck again this Saturday, as I have a 4-8 hour callback. They're making cuts at the lunch break, so hopefully, I'll be stuck there all day...and for the next 11 months!

Besides that, we had a really cool last De-Cal meeting for my Social Revolution de-cal, and hopefully we'll stay in touch to do awesome activist stuff. Emma even offered to take me along with her the next time she goes dumpster diving, so I'm excited about that.

Anyway, I gotta eat and get to class, but yeah. I'm at least glad I made callbacks. Woot!

Kind of long post

2006-05-02T00:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, just fyi, I'll be posting my review of the Theatre Rice showcase soon, but not now, as I have other stuff to do/write about right now.

To take care of some old business, until I figure out to do the "continue reading here" abridging thing that Junichi and Oliver use at Poplicks, I've just posted two separate posts for my review of Export Quality and my review of The Fantasticks. You can just click on those links to jump to those pages.

In more breaking news, from what appears to be a real video clip, Stephen Colbert of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and The Colbert Report, lampoons the President and other conservatives RIGHT TO THEIR FACE. Check out Junichi's rundown here.

My favorite quote is here:

I mean, it's like the movie "Rocky." All right. The president in this case is Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed is -- everything else in the world. It's the tenth round. He's bloodied. His corner man, Mick, who in this case I guess would be the vice president, he's yelling, "Cut me, Dick, cut me!," and every time he falls everyone says, "Stay down! Stay down!" Does he stay down? No. Like Rocky, he gets back up, and in the end he -- actually, he loses in the first movie. OK. Doesn't matter.

The point is it is the heart-warming story of a man who was repeatedly punched in the face. So don't pay attention to the approval ratings that say 68% of Americans disapprove of the job this man is doing. I ask you this, does that not also logically mean that 68% approve of the job he's not doing? Think about it...I haven't.

Anyway, so Saturday I hit up the Rice show and the afterparty, then walked Lisa back to her apartment where I proceeded to find out that I was a lot more drunk than I had thought. I found this out as I was taking care of people at the party, but then when I made it to Eve's place, I didn't need to take care of anyone anymore, and my inebriation overwhelmed me, and I fell fast asleep. Eve was kind enough to tend to me, as she was up most of the night working on her new thesis. Thank you again, super bunny.

Sunday I spent cleaning my room (or at least attempting to organize it somewhat) and doing my best to find a monologue for my audition Wednesday. If I didn't post about it before, Eve and I are auditioning for Kaiser Permanente's Educational Theatre Program. They do shows all around Northern California to teach kids about health issues like STI's, peer pressure, smoking, and stuff like that. I figure it's health education and acting, so it's right up my alley. Also, it pays well, is full-time, and offers full-benefits, so hopefully we'll get it. Ideally, we'd both get it, but hopefully, at least one of us gets it. We have to play kids between 10 and 18, and I'm hoping that the fact that Eve and I can look like we're between 8 and 16 will help us out. I'm hoping that the fact that I think we're both good actors will help us out even more.

I've decided on a Neil Simon monologue, and am currently working on the monologue break-down right now. The full monologue is about 1.5 minutes, which is a shame, as it's only a 1-minute audition. But, there is a nice place where I can cut it at, so hopefully it'll work out okay.

I got a 100% on a paper I wrote for my IB 140 class. Score. I really didn't expect anything lower than a 97%, but I'm glad I handled my shit and rocked the class. The rest of the class might be better at me in terms of memorizing biological terms and how the reproductive system works, but give me 4 pages and a chance to talk about the socio-economic-political factors behind attitudes towards sex and I'll rock it. Woo!

Physics, of course, is making me nervous. I'm still wondering how I'll do, as apparently the professor has decided not to give any more D's out. So I have to fucking bust my ass to get a C now. Sigh.

Oh yeah, and exciting news: I'm going to Europe after I graduate. I'm heading on a trip through England, Germany, Switzerland, France, and I think some other countries, and then am heading off to Australia with Eve afterwards. Apparently this trip is the will of God (or at least is according to Eve's mom), as when Eve's mom called the travel agency to ask if there was room on the trip for me, a spot had just opened up a few minutes before. Crazy. So I'll be on a 2-week whirlwind trip through Europe with Eve's family in the end of June, then hitting Australia up after a few days break in LA. Score.

Holy shit, I'm graduating in 20 days. I only 4 more days of class (although 2.5 more weeks). Gagagagagagagagaga! Craziness! This shit is seriously coming up faster than I would like. Egads...

In more political news, today I took a break from my homework and errands to go to the Immigrant Rights rally on Sproul. It was really dope as both Carlos Munoz and Ronald Takaki spoke at the rally, along with some dope student and worker activists. After the speaking time was up (we're only allowed amplified sound on Sproul from 12-1), the gathering marched from Sproul all the way down University to the North Berkeley BART station, then went to SF. I hadn't eaten, nor was in proper full-day protest attire/mood, so I regrettably bounced at San Pablo. But golly, was it a sight. We marched in the westbound-side of University, completely stopping traffic with the police's help (they had a permit for the march). It was definitely not business as usual as cars were stuck in a deadlock for quite some time as we marched past, chanting the whole way. Also, props to Cha-chia for being the only other Ricer I saw in the protest. I seriously wimped out, but I hadn't eaten yet, and was completely dehydrated and getting sunburned.

I seriously regret not going all the way to SF. I take some solace in the fact that at least I was out there in the first place, but it was my own concern for my well-being and my future (homework, studying, chores, audition preparation) that kept me from helping to challenge the system. Sigh. But I guess you just have to pick and choose your battles, right? Sigh. As much as I want to completely stop giving a fuck about this capitalist society that's destroying the world, I'm still wrapped up in it. Fuck. Baby steps, I guess. I just hope society doesn't unravel by the time I get up the courage to really free my mind. Sigh.

Anyway, I gotta get crackin on really getting my monologue, as well as going to sleep. Oh yeah, and I cut my hair back to spiky. And I'm shaving again. I'm going from 22 year-old emo kid to 16 year-old skater boy. How a few inches of hair can change so much.

Review for the Fantasticks

2006-05-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

So about a week ago, I managed to catch Bearstage's production of "The Fantasticks." Overall, I thought it was pretty well written, although a certain song still kind of made me cringe. It did a good job of subverting the naivity of a classic fairy-tale type story, and was done quite well.

A quick side note: I saw a man in the audience that looked almost exactly like my father...only shorter, a bit slimmer, and with a rounder head (my dad's head is more oval shaped). It was so obviously similar that I pointed him out to Eve mid-performance and we almost busted out laughing when the audience was completely silent.

Anyhoo, so the story revolves around a boy and girl who are neighbors, and are in love. They think their parents want to keep them apart, but the parents are only pretending to feud to make sure that the couple gets together. They end the first act by paying El Gallo to stage a kidnapping, where El Gallo would stage a defeat to the son, making the daughter swoon for her illusionary hero.

The main issue I had with this is that there is an entire song about "the rape," which is meant to mean the kidnapping. It is a play on words based on the origin of the word "rape" which means "to seize." There is a classical allusion to the "rape of the lock," in which someone steals a lock of hair. However, the word "rape" has taken on an entirely different context, and to sing an entire song about how you can get a grand rape, or a smaller rape, depending on what you pay, is pretty fucking offensive. This gets slight leniency, because a)it's not actually about what we now think of when we hear "rape," b)it was written like 100 years ago or something when the word didn't quite mean what it does now, and c)they do a good job of subverting classic ideals of romance. But nevertheless, that shit made me cringe, and I wish they would rewrite that song.

Anyway, so in the second act, they find that the imagined ideal of love isn't quite what it's cracked out to be, and that life is not as sugary sweet as they had first imagined. The way the play shows you both the idealized life, as well as what really lies beneath the happy veneer, is quite clever and is done well. I won't spoil the ending for you (even though the play is done with), but it was a good ending. Not the best way to end it, nor the worst way to end it, but a good ending, in my opinion.

The acting was, for the most part, pretty solid, but the show was really stolen by Jonathan Amores and Alicia in the two more minor roles in the show. I forget their chracter's names, but their characterization was so well defined that they really were a delight to watch. The leads were all good too, but I must especially commend Lisa for her movement work. Even in the dance scene, she managed to keep up her old-lady physicality, and walked the fine line between not doing the dance routine because you're not prepared, and making the audience know that you're not 100% on beat because you can't move as fast because you are old. And if you don't believe me, you should watch Lisa do hip-hop, where she can dance.

Other than that, the singing was pretty darn good, but El Gallo, who was a damn good singer with a great voice, outshadowed his castmates. Even though his voice was better, deeper, and stronger, he should have toned it down to more evenly match his peers, and when one person outshines his castmates, it's just selfish acting.

I also wish the Mute would have utilized her role a bit more and interacted with the scenes and the characters a bit more. Even though she had no speaking roles, she was an omnipotent force in the world of the play, and could have used that power to make it more exciting and engaging.

Also, the half-curtain that only covered the center of the stage was terrible. It would have seriously been better if there was no curtain at all and they just cut the lights. So utterly rediculous.

Overall, the production was very enjoyable (Besides the horrendously disturbing rape song) and was well done. I was definitely glad I went.

Review for Export Quality

2006-05-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

Overall, I thought the monologues were well written, and were quite moving and powerful, however the main issue with this production was the production value. The four actresses were mostly spot on, and extra props to everyone for adapting so well to the technical difficulties: Victoria's mic didn't work, Eve had to adjust to using a lapel mic while she was easily the most active performer on stage, Diana had to work with a huge pregnancy belt-thing on, and Annie had to deal with the lights going on and off during her performance.

I know this was sort of a work-in-progress, as there was a whole dance sequence and other stuff cut out, but the production value was severly lacking. This was primariliy due to Kat's role as both producer and director, and we all know that without an assistant director, things don't go well. I know this first hand, as when I tried to direct Commitment and produce Rice at the same time, Commitment would have seriously been a piece of shit if it wasn't for my awesome A.D. (who was really basically the director) Lisa Lee.

Also, the contraints put on the production by the circumstances of the venue really hampered the performance. This was their first time inside the room there were to be performing in, and they had a paid tech crew that didn't seem to be familiar with the light board. The lighting was inconsistent, and was distracting from the performance. It was most TERRIBLY AWKWARD when, in the very middle of Annie's piece (the closing monologue of the night, mind you), the fucking lights went out. Then, instead of just hitting the house lights (since they obviously couldn't find which lightswitch worked the stage lights), the constantly were turning the house lights on, then off, then a side light, then the house light, then all off...
This utter tech retardation went on for at least five minutes before they finally figured out how to restore the stage light. Stupids. And they were the auditorium's paid tech staff, wtf?

Also, the use of lapel mics was distracting. Eve was required to jump in the Pilipino clack-clack thing (you all know what I'm talking about), and since she was wearing baggy clothes, the mic hampered her movement as she didn't want it constantly popping. Also, I hate seeing performances where actors use mics. I know the acoustics were bad there, but seriously, good actors shouldn't need mics. I also know this was a decision by the director, so that comment in no way reflects on the talents of the womyn in the cast.

In terms of the acting, the womyn were all great. Victoria's lapse into a Texan accenet was a bit strange for me, as she was basically breaking character, but other than that, she was really good. Eve delivered an emotional piledriver, and she used the stage well to boot. The only thing was that I felt she was denying her impulses to move more, as she was afraid of the mic popping. Diana did a great job, but her inexperience showed a bit as you could tell at times that she was still nervous. Annie' poise and confidence really shone, and the fact that she didn't even miss a beat when the lights went off attested to how deeply in the scene she was. I mainly didn't like the way her scene was set up, with her daughter sitting next to her, but besides that, it was pretty darn good.

Overall, the actors did a damn good job considering the circumstances they were faced with, but I just wish that the overall production quality was a lot higher. Less technical difficulties, and the performance is going to be magnificent. When it comes back with the full production, I will definitely be anxiously awaiting the performance.

Thank you

2006-04-29T00:33:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to quickly thank everyone that made Take Back the Night such a huge success. Every survivor that had the strength to go up and talk about their experience was so touching, truthful, and powerful, and I cannot express the admiration I have for all of you. I can only hope that the event helped others find the courage within to break the silence and speak out against the crime against humanity that is rape.

A special thanks to all the amazing FemAction men and womyn who made the event possible. Kathleen, Kaeli, Lynae, Eve, Michelle, Pammy, Kate, Yve, Pouriya, and all the other AMAZING activists...you rock so hard.

And to all the insecure frat boy fucks that were threatened by our march: Fuck you. If you were truly against rape, you would get off your balconies and march with us. What do you have to be so defensive about?

Vote Taylor Allbright 109 for senate!

2006-04-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

So I haven't been following ASUC politics lately, but if you still haven't voted (there's still tomorrow!) you really should give Taylor Allbright your #1 vote as she's a really awesome candidate for senate. She's an awesome organizer, and is super involved in the womyn's movement here at Cal, plus she's CalSERVE, so unless you're a silly, silly, silly stupid Student Action person, or a fucking sexist, you should vote for Taylor, #109. Seriously.

Also, I'd recommend voting for Igor and Ben for the Exec and External VP positions. They might not always been the most liberal, but they get the most shit done, and they're pretty open minded and fair. so yeah.

Vote.

Weeee!

2006-04-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, so I'm still busy, but I wanted to also plug the Theatre Rice Showcase this weekend, Friday and Saturday, 155 Dwinelle. Film troupe, monologues, CT, and improv. I've heard it's pretty darn good.

So, go to that on Saturday night, and come to TAKE BACK THE NIGHT on Friday. 5-9, Upper Sproul.

Also, props to Eunice for joining in on the awesome TBTN organizing!

That said, gotta finish a presentation.

And today is the Day of Silence. I'll be participating (although I probably shouldn't be posting this), and will also be at the 5pm "Break the Silence" event on Sproul. Come support Queer Rights!

TBTN, reminder

2006-04-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

Ag! I was so tired this weekend, I feel like it went by so fast. There was so much to do and see and stuff, but alas...

Anyway, when I have some free time (perhaps later this week), I want to update more in depth.
-Export Quality review (overall: awesome, but fuck shitty tech people and poor producing)
-The Fantasticks (overall: pretty good, although the rape song doesn't sit well with me)
-Latex project: coolness.

Since most of my energy is going into Take Back The Night, WHICH YOU SHOULD ALL COME TO, here is the flyer that Eve designed. So go to it! There will be a march with a lantern I've built, and I'll be reading a new poem, so yeah. But don't go for me, go for yourself. Rape is not just a womyn's issue; it affects us all. 1 in 6 womyn are survivors of rape or sexual assault. Every 2 Minutes, another person is sexually assaulted or raped in the United States. So yeah, it'll be a powerful event.

an excerpt from the poem Jane Doe which I think sums up why this is a good event for both men and womyn to attend:
"You may say 'She shouldn't have been drinking alone with those boys,' and to that, I say 'THEY shouldn't have gang-raped her.'"

As the primary perpetrators of sexual violence, men need to step up and denounce these atrocities. We have so much priviledge as men (we do live in an androcentric world, after all), and we need to use that priviledge to end rape, sexual assault, and domestic violence. I know that yes, 10% of sexual assaults are done to men, but that's a whopping 90% that's committed against womyn. Either way, all genders need to unite and tell the world that we aren't going to sit back and let others scare us into submission. It's time to take back the night.

Export Quality

2006-04-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry for posting this so late, but GO TO THIS!

FIRST-EVER PREMIERE OF
"EXPORT QUALITY"
Monologues loosely-based on real life stories of Mail-Order Brides.

Presented by GABRIELA Network SF Bay Area & San Francisco State University Women's Center

San Francisco State University
3rd Floor of the Cesar Chavez Student Union, Jack Adams Hall

Friday, April 21, 2006
Doors open at 7:00pm
Show starts promptly at 8:00pm

$8-20 sliding scale, no one turned away for lack of funds
All proceeds go to the Purple Rose Campaign Against Sex Trafficking of Women & Children.

For more info contact sfbayarea@gabnet.org or SFSU Women's Center @ 415.338.2486

"The personal is politikal."
GABRIELA Network, Berkeley Unit
berkeleyunit.sfbayarea @ gabnet.org
www.gabnet.org

WE ARE SOOOOOOO FUCKED

2006-04-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

So for reals, if this article is even PARTIALLY CORRECT, we
ARE SO FUCKED!

I'm glad I'm learning how to make a house in the woods and fend for my own survival. I wish I was already living on a commune.

Man, this sucks.

2nd post of the day

2006-04-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

So today I have done nothing of real value (as defined by something of productivity) yet.

I've been reading stuff online, watched a "Ninja Gaiden" OVA which was total 80's style entertainment (and about 43 minutes of mindless distraction), and also slept for a few extra hours today. For reals. I was so ungodly tired. I think it's because I've been having some really strange, fucked up dreams that keep waking me up early, or in the middle of the night.

Perhaps it's some unconscious problem that I'm trying to resolve, but I've had dreams that I remember (which isn't that often) for hte past few nights, and I haven't been sleeping continuously like I usually do.

I've had a dream where I've had to slice the biceps on each arm of an old, crazy female werewolf, then I had to cut out (or slash and rend, to be more accurate) her heart from her chest. I've had a dream where I was in the hospital and Eve was mad at me for having ex-girlfriends visit me. I've had a dream where I was a servant for a giant dragon, who was caputured by some flame-whip-wielding guy. I've had a dream where I could feel my teeth falling out, little hard, polished chips of enamel floating around in my aching jaw. What the fuck is going on in my head?

Suffice to say, I haven't been sleeping well.

On a lighter note, apparently there is someone in Texas, and another person in Japan that has been reading my blog. Goodness! Who do I know there? Hello, readers from afar!

I think I can finally safely say that I did not get into SFAI. I've given up waiting for notification from them via snail mail (either good or bad), and have assumed they're assholes that let my second rejection letter slip through the cracks. Eh, so it goes.

I think I want to work on writing plays again. I churned one out that perhaps I'll refine, and I guess I always have good old "Commitment" to rework. I've always gotten the critique that I should work that into a full-length play. Maybe I shall.

I watched "Closer" (the film, not the play) this afternoon before my nap, and I'm still not sure what I make of it. I think it says something about society and people in general that everyone always calls it "the worst movie to see with your girl/boyfriend." I don't think, however, that this movie is saying that "Everyone cheats," as so many of my friends have put it. First off, one person doesn't at all, period. Second, well, wait. Let me revise my initial statement. I don't think this film/play condones cheating. Yes, there is a lot of it. Yes, it's enough to make even the most confidant couple a bit iffy for a bit. But if you really look at the relationships, and how happy people really are, I think the general message is that cheating only causes pain and suffering.

On a side note, after typing that, I can't think of a certain card game I used to play addictively that had a card called "Pain/Suffering."

I think the film really makes us look at our own insecurities, and questions our ideals of love. I mean, when science has shown that love is really only the simple release of neurotransmitters and hormones in specific parts of the brain mixed with conditioning and evolutionary impulses, what is so sacred about love that we should hold on to this notion of everlasting love?

To be honest, I don't really know the answer to that. I know the science about skin hunger. About oxytocin and vasopressin. About pleasure centers of the brain and the parts that control addiction. ABout societal conditioning and the need for touch as a child. About polygamy, infedelity, identity politics, paraphilias, and evolutionary baggage that makes us want to reproduce. I know about the roles the media plays in our sexual identity, the way the internet has changed our sex lives, and how things like family, religion, friends, and past sexual trauma all affects how we proceed in our relationships now. However, know all that, I still feel like love is something magical.

Granted, it might be able to be reproduced in clinical settings, but I feel that this fact doesn't make it any less special. Real love includes something else, something greater than yourself that makes it work. There is a difference between love and an addiction; with an addiction, you can't get away. But with love, you choose to not get away. The feeling of love encompasses the need to fight for love, the need to work for love. The need to give, to love someone else more than you love yourself.

I dunno. I guess I am still a romantic, despite the cold, unromantic knowledge of science. Fuck, I don't even know what I'm trying to say besides that I know that love can be real, and it's a very cool thing.

Jericho, video shoot, commercial

2006-04-17T10:58:00.000-07:00

So Saturday night I ended up going to the Jericho show in the Naia Lounge, Cal's new gelato lounge place. First, the gelato was great, as they had both papaya and kiwi (both which I enjoy very much), and the space was pretty cool. I hadn't been there yet, and it is a pretty cool hang-out spot, although the acoustics were kinda bad in terms of the show.

Bad acoustics aside (I sat in the front, so I had no problem hearing), the show was pretty damn good. After the opening, which was a strange marriage thing of sorts, they started off with a Harold. There were some parts that were definitely hilarious, although one of the storylines was really confused. Granted, this was part of the theme, and it was pretty funny at times, but it was quite confusing. This wasn't the best harold I've seen by Jericho (I guess they were a lot better the night before), but it was still good, and very entertaining.

They moved on to sketch comedy next, and it was good. The first skit was about a family that treats itself like a business, and their children like employees (ie. they could be fired and replaced). I was worried at first that Krismin's role as the wife was a subordinate one (like the secretary), but it was pretty egalitarian when I realized that they were partners in the corpora...uh, family. Also, when Edwin busted out in a dramatized version of Natalie Imbruglia's "Torn," I nearly died of laughter. Fucking funny stuff. Also, Moujan's hilarious immigrant replacement daughter was a bit pushing the line in terms of corporations taking advantage of an immigrant workforce, but I think that was the point, and it was executed well.

The second skit was much more abstract, and focused on the term "meningitis" which they changed to the pain of having "men in my gitis." Ellen and Jonty gave such emotional performances that it was quite painful and sad more than comical. I was offended at first, as it kind of sounds like a metaphor for sexual assault and rape, but I thought when Jonty broke down and admitted he too had "men in his gitis," and Ellen defending him because "it is a gender-neutral crime," I thought they really handled it well. After talking to Cathy and Moujan after the show (the Producers, for those that don't know), they told me it was more of an abstract skit based on the play on words. Even if it was an unintentional look at sexual violence, I thought that the portrayal of the survivors was still very empowering and truthful. So even if it wasn't funny, it was a very interesting societal critique.

The third skit, Y Do We Fight, was about "eracism" in the land of alphabet letters, where vowels are made to sit in the back of the bus, and ruthless trios of K's go around making sure consonants and vowels don't fraternize. I must give Amos mad props for this one, as it was really fucking funny. I thought the "U" jokes were a bit overplayed, but it was a nice way to keep the continuity of the jokes going. I thought it was a good way to do a skit on tolerance, racism, and language while keeping the mood light and being hilarious. Awesome skit.

Finally, the Armando closed off the night. The Armando was really good on Saturday, and I think the highlight of the night was Krismin spinning around on the floor. Projection was a bit of an issue sometimes, but overall, it was funny and entertaining. Moujan's constant wipes were also well-timed, and funny, and even though it ended on a bit of a random note, it was good times overall.

So yeah, it was nice getting to reconcile this whole blog-inspired madness with Cathy, Mounjan, and the rest of the Jericho people. I'm glad they were much more consciencious of their material, and I was definitely happy I went. I was a bit worried of being hounded by a mob of rabid Jericho fans, but that didn't happen, and I just hope they continue to move forward with cleaner, more socially consciencious comedy.

Also, when I got home that night, Eve greeted me with that Indonesian drink that is made up of sugar cane juice stuff and green "alien brains." I don't remember what it's called, but that shit is HELLA good. It was a nice treat, thanks Eve-chan!

Sunday I had to wake up pretty early, but since I crashed at Eve's it was nice because I got to roll out of bed, brush my teeth, and voila! I was at my designated meeting place. I met up with Lisa's film group and assorted Ricers (Diana, Charles, Vivian, Jon Y., and Nick) and we went traversing through Berkeley via bus and BART to get various shots for her music video. It was a good time, and we had Pho afterwards. Yummy. I also got to drink some sparkling white zin, which was tasty.

That night, Eve and I went shopping, then we hit up Writer's Block, where Henry shared a dope piece with a lot of potential to be an awesome monologue. Coolness.
Then, after being super tired, ate some soup then went to bed.

Oh, and although I feel a bit iffy about this commercial, if you want to see my newest commercial I've shot (for Sprite, which I don't really endorse), check out sprite dot com (I'm not linking them), and watch the video that has a shot of graffitti in it. It's a wonderful example of me selling out, and I'm interested in your opinions on the video itself, as well as the ad campaign in its entirety, which I think really, really sucks. Hopefully the lameness will discourage sprite drinking.

Anyway, it's 11:23, and I proabably should do something productive, although the lure of my bed to my sleepy eyes is quite attractive right now...

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills...LONG post..beware!

2006-04-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

I loved Zoolander. Great, great stuff.

Anyway, on to something of substance, I guess.

First off: Breast implants linked to suicide. A news article about how womyn with breast implants have high rates of suicide. I think the more disturbing issue is not the obvious: that people that get cosmetic surgery, especially breast implants might have low self esteem, but the fact that at least 12,000 womyn hat breast augmentation between 1960-1988. How many do you think have had it done since then with the extended reach of mass media influence? Fuck.

Second, I don't know if I posted this before, but there has been a big-ass rape trial about three 17 year old boys that gang-raped a girl in the OC. The article is not longer availible, but my old FemSex facilitator Jen thankfully cut and paste it in an email I was forwarded. You can find the original article, as well as the poem I wrote in response to it (which I'll be reading at the Take Back the Night event at Cal) at my poetry blog. Also, links to more recent articles are here, and here.

On a happier note, last night was our 13 month Anniversary, and Eve and I headed out to the City to first hit up her Export Quality show rehearsal. By the way, Export Quality, a monologue-type place loosely based on stories of Filipina Mail-Order Brides (sponsored by GabNet) is playing on April 21st at San Francisco State. I'll post more info soon.

So we picked up some Jalapeno poppers and curly fries at Jack-In-the-Box due to my overwhelming hunger (first meal of the day) and then saw "The Rivals" at A.C.T.
So the play was a bit slow to begin with, but in the second half, the pacing really picked up. It was a Restoration period, and the actor's dialogue took a bit getting used to, as they were speaking in Rural, Proper British, Cockney, and Irish dialects. But, overall, it was entertaining and quite funny at times.

The play is about love, lies, and the error of language and names, which was pretty interesting. It was written in 1775, so I guess that gives it some wiggle space, but I felt like it could have done so much yet fell short. For one, it didn't really punish Captain Jack nor Faulkland, who's lies and charades deserved of much more vengence from their respective loves. Also, the character of Julia (who was by far the most awesome actor of the bunch - major kudos to Stacy Ross) was so strong and empowering that she could have held the men responsible, yet she yields in the end to give it a "happy" ending. Similar themes and issue have been handled in similar plays (ie. Avenue Q)that have been done recently and much better, but that's comparing something from the 18th century with something that came 200 years later.

Also, a big issue I had was with the fact that the white-white couple got to kiss onstage, while the kiss by the black-white couple was concealed behind a parasol. That shit pissed me off. Bastards. That really didn't have any excuse, and upsets me.

Yeah, so it was enjoyable overall, but my politically-sensitive ass was still a bit pissed off at the end. Racists.

On the way back to SF, we ran into Jean-Louise and her friend on the BART. It was nice seeing her, and we had a cool talk on the end of the world, global warming, and of course, theatre. Fun times, and I always enjoy running into cool alumni.

Anyway, afterwards, we ate at Tuk Tuk Thai on the East Bay side, and was, per usual, really good. We also ran into Cha-chia from Rice there and his law school peeps, which was cool. (Cool ricer count tonight: 2) Drunk people are entertaining. The only thing of great note was that the waitress (who I presume was Thai) asked me "Where are you from?"
I said "Uh, I'm from Berkeley" cuz that's the response I usually give people who ask me this stupid questions, but she corrected herself with "No, like, what is your heritage?"

So normally, especially if this is a white person, I give them all sorts of shit. "I'm American." "Where are your (grand)parents from?" "The United States." Etc., etc. However, I felt bad about giving her a lot of shit, and I said "Well, my great-grandparents were all from Japan" to which she then asked Eve aobut her ethnicitiy. She then started speaking to us with some Japanese phrases, which was cool, kinda, and we went on with our dinner.

So the thing that pisses me off, is how I changed my response because she wasn't an educated white person. This is SOOOO problematic. It means that a)I give her slack because I assume she doesn't know better cuz she has a thick accent (so I assume she's an immigrant); b)I assume white people do know better; and thus, c)I assume white people are educated. All of this points to my own racism. Fuck. I realize that I need to be less angry and militant towards white people who ask me this. GRANTED, I realize that it is somewhat different as the levels of priviledge differ. This (perhaps falsely assumed) immigrant womyn is underpriviledged (assuming me as the reference point), while most white people are overpriviledged. But, this is a false assumption most minority activists, especially at the college level assume. We assume that all white people are college educated, and should know better. Granted, EVERYONE should know better, but if you've never had a conversation with someone educated on identity politics and structural power and racism and all that, how can we really expect that of people.

This of course warrents the distinction between people that innocently ask you about your ethnicity due to ignorance, and people who ask you about your ethnicity for creepy reasons, like they're rice chasers, or stuff like that.

Basically, I just think that perhaps I need to find a middle ground, where my answer to the "Where are you from?" question gets a standardized response that doesn't immediately make the questioner feel like I'm looking down on them. Because even if the ignorant white people do hold lots more priviledge, how can we fight for equality when we're basically calling them stupid? We have to hold people accountable for subtle influences of racism, whether or not their informed, but at the same time we do not have to demonize them. In casting blame so readily, we only serve to further divide peoples and create larger rifts.

Also, by "subtle influences of racism," I include things like thinking that everyone that is ancestrally Japanese can speak Japanese, or that since someone is Italian they obviously know my friend in Italy, or that shit like that, which isn't blatantly a hate crime (like assaulting an Arab American because you think they're a terrorist), but is still inherently racist.

Also, as much as I think ignorant people need to be yelled at sometimes, it really doesn't do any good to change their minds. Shouting really only gets you so far in life, and until we realize that, we will only further divide humanity. Also, I feel like you need to speak to people on their terms, otherwise they shut off and nothing gets accomplished. As an activist, one needs to change thinking patterns and opinions, and the only way you can do that is to combat arguments on their ground, not yours.

In other news, I feel like an asshole. I slept through both the API issue conference (or most of it at least), and VSA, missing both Jennifer Nguyen's directorial debut, as well as performances by Alex Shen and Direct. Fuck.
Granted, I excuse this as sustainable activism, as I'm tired beyond all belief for some reason, but I'm still pissed off at myself for missing both performances. Instead of choosing either Alex and Direct at the API Issues Conference and Jen and Huan at VSA, I slept through both. Sigh. Sorry team, I'm a bastard.

I also feel like I don't know what I can get out of the API Issues Conference. I feel so thoroughly educated about API Issues right now, I don't feel like the past conferences I have attended have really done anything for me. I mean, I in no way know all the issues, but I feel like there is already so much I want to change, 4 hours of 1 hour talks isn't going to get me that far anyway. Sigh. Poooop. Blag! I'm being an apathetic Asian American activist! Noooooooooo!

Although I am definitely excited about my Social Revolution class. I feel like I'm realizing such awesome ways to make a difference, and how to lead my life way more progressively. Sustainable farming, having to rely on stores less, etc. I even picked up a DIY compilation for Eve and myself, and it's fucking great.

Another political issue: I went with my latex project partner to Planned Parenthood in Oakland to pick up free condoms for the project...and they were OUT. FUCK. Do you realize how problematic this is? They said "Check back next week." Not even 'tomorrow' or 'Sunday,' but NEXT WEEK. In a poor, urban area, you do not want your planned parenthood running out of condoms. Sigh. What the fuck is this world coming to?

This experience makes me want to work for something like Planned Parenthood even more (I think I want to work there, or someplace in the sexual health field). I want to be able to make a tangible difference in people's lives. Yarg! I have to talk to my instructor on how she got a job there...I want to work for you, Planned Parenthood SF! I even hear if you work on site, there's usual bomb threats and protestors and stuff! Awesome!

Anyway, I can't believe that I haven't really even played WoW this week. I've been so busy with actual substantial events that I haven't had the time, really. That's probably good.

Well, I think that's all for now. Tonight, I'll try to hit up the Jericho show, and tomorrow I'll be filming most of the day with Lisa for her Asian Am 171 project. Woo Rice-related stuff. Gosh, once a Ricer, always a Ricer. No matter how hard I try to get away, I still find myself coming back, in a way. Garg!

Anyway, I should shower, hit up the Art Store for TBTN planning, and try and do something productive. Also, I'm very sure I failed my Physics Midterm. I hope the curve isn't too high.

Graduation, etc.

2006-04-10T14:31:00.000-07:00

Sigh. I have a paper due tomorrow (which I at least finished a draft of last night) and a midterm tomorrow night, which I haven't really studied for. I'm catching such a case of senior apathy it isn't even funny.

I know I have to study, and will probably do so starting at like 8pm, but I really don't care. I only need a D in this class (Physics) to graduate, and I don't really need to do phenomenal in any of my other classes. Sheesh.

Also, I feel really lethargic. I think having all these 4-day weekends are terrible. I run around all crazy-like on Tues-Thurs, then I don't do anything really productive on Friday-Monday. Terrible. Gah!

Jericho's show next show is the 14th at Gelataria Naia Lounge on campus (where the old Bearcade used to be). I wish I could go, as I've heard the skits are much more politically sensitive, but I already have tickets to see The Rivals at A.C.T. and it's our anniversary, so yeah. If anyone is planning to tape it, I'd like to see the show, cuz I think it's unfair to do a critique of one show and not be able to do a fair critique of the next. So yeah.

In terms of politics:

Fuck the stupid immigration bill. I know I haven't really done anything to talk about it, but if you don't know, it's a stupid-ass bill to make it a felony to aid any illegal immigrant (or, undocumented citizens, as I prefer to call them). So if they catch you giving a glass of water to some poor dude dying of thirst, and he's not a documented citizen, you're boned. I think there was a rally on Sproul today at noon, but I just woke up at 2pm, so fuck me.

-----
[EDIT]: So this is the kind of fucking ignorance and nationalistic pig shit that our country is so well-known for. Immediately following this nationalistic rant of ignorance is a response from Patrick, who thankfully is combating such blatant stupidity in the Myspace front. Thanks for fighting the good fight, my friend.

"From NATIONALISTIC IDIOT: More than 36,000 students from throughout Los Angeles County, California skipped classes and marched through streets and on various freeways Monday, March 27, 2006, to protest an immigration bill being debated in Congress. "We may be illegal immigrants, but we are human," Metropolitan High School senior Melania Preciado said as she waved a Mexican flag. "We deserve the same rights as everyone else, not be treated like criminals." What an ironic statement.

If we all went to Mexico...would we be treated as humans?? (Think of all your friends who have driven down to Mexico for a weekend trip and were either thrown in jail for looking at the Mexican police the wrong way, or were pulled over for no apparent reason and FORCED to pay off the Mexican police in order NOT to be thrown in jail)...

1. Try driving around as a Gringo in Mexico with no liability insurance, and have an accident.

2. Enter MEXICO illegally - never mind immigration quotas, visas, international law, or any of that nonsense.

3. Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.

4. Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.

5. Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.

6. Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.

7. Demand classes on American culture in the Mexican school system.

8. Demand a local Mexican drivers license. This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico.

9. Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.

Good luck!

It will not happen in Mexico nor any other country in the world...except right here in the United States...

Land of those who want to take care of everyone, except American Citizens!

These "student" protesters, haven't the slightest clue as to what the hell is really going on. They just want an excuse to leave school. What a disgrace to AMERICA, our country!

If you're going to waive a Mexican flag to support your heritage, fine... Just make sure there is an American one next to it...the land that gives to all of its immigrants, and you. IF Mexico is SOOOOO great - Why leave it and come to America?

Oh and the whole thing with America treating you unfairly... there is a reason we call it ILLEGAL immigration... we cant let the whole damn world over here so stop complaining.

If you agree, pass it on.

If you don't, Please....go ahead and try all the above in Mexico (and enjoy the prison there too)

Sidenote: Why is Mexico so special? Just because they share a border with us? If someone from China or Indonesia or Russia or France or ANYWHERE wanted to come here, they'd HAVE to do it legally, they can't just waltz on over and expect a fanfare and parade in their honor. They have to fill out the paperwork, wait an eternity for the bureaucrats to finish their business........Why should Mexicans and Mexicans only be allowed to just skip all that and get right to the parade and fanfare?

And WOULD you go over into Mexico and just DEMAND things from them? Would you go anywhere and do that? Would you go into China or Indonesia or Russia or France and just say "well I'm here, so start dishing out the rights and cash flow"? No, you wouldn't. And if you did, you'd be laughed at and probably thrown in jail. But no, America is land of the free, or should I say land of the liberals, where rather than look out for the hard-working tax-paying AMERICAN, we work for the hard-working tax-paying ILLEGAL.

And no, this doesn't make me a racist. I have nothing against Mexico or any of its peoples. I wouldn't want this kind of behavior from ANY race or ANY country. We shouldn't just start handing out freebies just because they'll be TAKEN if we don't. America's got plenty other more important things to worry about rather than bending over backwards for people WHO SHOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

If someone broke into your house and demanded all YOUR cash, would you give it to him just because he was raised in hardship and is battling "the man"? Would it be fair? After all, he had to work really hard to break in and steal your stuff, so you might as well just hand it over with a smile."

"From PAT: this bulletin is a load of crap, and i hope whatever fascist wrote this will do some research before spreading this propaganda. the writer obviously has a lack of understanding of US-Mexican relations. to begin with, this was mexico before it was the US, and before that it belonged to the indiginous people...before this great country was built upon their graves. for the past two hundred years the US has infringed upon mexican borders and took what it wanted by way of violence, which is no surprise considering the US continues to use this tactic of building/maintaining the failing empire (see "Confessions of an Economic Hitman" by John Perkins, among others). government officials in mexico do abide by a culture of corruption, and that makes it even easier for the US to "negotiate" things like NAFTA which ensured that mexico and it's people would suffer so that the US could reap economic benefits. in the border regions, there are great factories that take advantage of the lax regulations in mexico, resulting in increased incidences of cancer and birth defects...just so that the international corporations can increase their profits at the price of the health and life of the mexican people. thus, the revolution continues in the south, but that is another story. maybe the most important point is that all those immigrants are actually supporting the economy which is all so important to whomever wrote this garbage. they're not working jobs anyone here already would want to take...they're keeping farmers in business, and that is keeping a staple of the economy (food) affordable and accessible to all of us here in the US. the costs incurred by immigrants living here are far outweighed by their contribution to many facets of the economics of the US. this country was born from immigrants because we killed most of the natives, so who are we to judge. comparing an american's trip to mexico to that of an immigrant coming to the US is like trying to compare apples and oranges. this sentiment is blaringly clear when it comes to middle eastern relations as well...whoever wrote this, open your eyes and educate yourself...nationalism is a load of crap - we are all human regardless of our skin color/religion/sexual preference/place of birth, and if your greed and spite don't allow you to see this, then i feel sorry for you."
----

This site is kinda cool, as it gives people the opportunity to post pictures of stupid fucks that harrass people on the street. "Since you can't slap 'em, snap em'" or something like that. Anyway, I'm not sure how completely effective this is, as you have to have a digital camera or a camera phone, but whatever. It at least poses some sort of a forum to showcase these assholes.

Also, it seems like the Homeland Security fascists seem to be a bunch of pedophiles. While this isn't really surprising, as you would think people who like to spy on people are probably a bunch of perverts anyway, it is pretty disturbing to think that people that have basically unlimited power here are trying to fuck little kids. Not cool. Not cool at all. Thanks to poplicks.com for the heads up.

I feel really ambivalent about graduation. I mean, I'm ending another part of my life which amounts to about a fifth of the time I've been alive, and I should be excited. At least, excited about moving in with Eve, living across the Bay, and having to find work and all that crap. But this whole thing about graduation itself seems so fake.

I feel like its not big deal. Granted, this is coming from a priviledged point of view, where I didn't have to work to pay tuition, or my parents haven't had to go through extreme financial stress (I still paid for school with loans, 85% of which are in my name), and I'm definitely not the first to graduate college. But for reals, Berkeley wasn't that hard. The classes are only hard if you don't study, well, at least for me. I'm lucky enough that school comes really easy for me (granted, I've failed classes before, but that's when I just stop doing anything in that class) and I feel like this isn't that big of an accomplishment. I'm still waiting to celebrate something really fucking amazing. I feel like even my commercials aren't that great. I want to have the big party and celebrate when I do something worthwhile, like get a part in an A.C.T production, or when I come back from the peace corps. Or something BIG.

Given my priviledged background, I feel like college is expected of me. Something that I just do so I can get a job that pays more than minimum wage. But to celebrate it? Eh. I want to really celebrate when I do something that few have done, like climb Everest, or open my own store, or I can live off my art. There are a lot of people at Cal doing a lot of really great things, and I feel like graduation is the farthest from the great. Poop.

I'm also trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I've realized that since I'm kinda good at everything, I can't figure out what I really enjoy. I tend to really get into things for a time, then move on. Even acting, art, WoW, spoken word, activism. I get really into it for a while, then I find something else and move on. It's probabably due to my fear of failure, but I really need to find something and go for it. I mean, my list of things I might do after college include: Grocery store clerk, Japan via the JET program, grad school in Asian American studies, getting my teacher credentials, starting up a gallery/store/restaurant, pursing acting, selling scripts, drinking a lot, art school, eg. I think the guy at SFAI was right...I need some sort of focus in my life.

The only thing really constant in my life right now are my friends, family, and Eve, which I guess is really all I need. And maybe that's why I'm not sure of what I want to do with my life. I'm lucky enough to have really great friends who are still my friends even when I don't call, family that supports me even when I do stupid things or chase my dreams, and a girlfriend who I can really be myself around. I mean, what else do you really need?

Anyway, I really should start on my laundry, as well as my studying. Just a few more months, and it'll all be over at last. Graduation, here I come.

Spitting lyrics like mad

2006-04-07T18:09:00.000-07:00

For reals. So about a week ago, I dropped some cash for Magnetic North's record debute. So for those that don't know, you can check up on this hip-hop duo at Magnetic Hiphop.com, their home site.

So I've seriously been waiting for this album for 3 years now. I was there to see one of the earliest instances of a collaboration between Direct (Derek Kan) and TVu (Theresa Vu). This was actually one of my first exposures to Hip-Hop that wasn't blatently misogynistic or about money, cash, and hos, so it was quite refreshing. They've played Theatre Rice in some form or another forever and ever, and are fucking cool people to boot. I remember countless times TVu and I would be drinking buddies, as we both hit the sauce pretty hard back at Rice parties. Either way, I'm glad they've finally dropped their CD (and I'm in the liner notes, woot!).

So the album is pretty fucking good. Derek self-produces all their beats, and the collaborations with Alex, Shaden, Vienna Teng, and all their other muscian homies are great. I have really no complaints about the record, besides I wish there were more songs, but knowing how hard it is to even drop a single record with 10 strong songs (2 of the tracks are interludes, which are still dope), I really can't say anything.

Overall, I'd say my favorite songs are Under Control, Drift Away, and One 2 One, but there really isn't a song I don't like. Their lyrics are refreshingly unique, as they take a very progressive spin on life, and each song sends a powerful message calling for change and hope.

Recently, I was part of a discussion about Asian American Hip-Hop. So granted, I am far from the best person to be talking about Hip-Hop, but I totally disagreed with the person who was talking smack of M. North because they weren't Black Americans.

First off, fuck that. Anyone, no matter their ethnic background, should be able to make music of any kind. I do admit that I initially supported Magnetic North because they are Asian American artists, but what's wrong with that? I agree, that if they were shitty, I would probably be diasppointed of them (can anyone say William Hung?). But they're good, and I feel like as an underrepresented minority in all forms of modern Western music, I should be supporting awesome Asian American artists.

What also really upsets me is that we should go "make our own music." Well, fuckers, what kind of music is "our own?" People perceive R&B and hip-hop to be black, and rock, country, and pop to be white, so where the fuck do we fit in as Asian Americans? So fuck those stupid categorizations. I say people should be able to make whatever type of music they want. Like Derek raps, "I still get played down for not being black/as a matter of fact, ain't my skin yellow?/so what am I doing rapping? I should be playin' the cello/but really though, this is the kind of shit that I fuckin' get/impresed i speak english without an accent?" For reals.

Anyway, check out their album, and if you don't like it, that's fine. But don't hate just because they're a couple of suburbanite Asian American rapping about issues that affect them. Go and open your mind.

Spring Break 05, etc. etc.

2006-04-03T02:53:00.000-07:00

Hello. So sorry for the long hiatus, but due to not wanting to really do anything requiring a whole lot of thought over the break, I've held off until now.

So this past week was Cal's spring break, and I spent most of it hanging about with Eve, watching films and playing World of Warcraft while she read and researched stuff for her third senior thesis. That's right, Eve is hardcore and is currently working on her third senior thesis for her third senior seminar. Yeah, that's hella crazy. My lazy ass picked Integrative Biology mainly because it was a science major without having to do a single senior thesis.

The only major trip besides my weekend trip to Stockton (see below) was with Eve in an attempt to go camping. We ended up heading over to Kings Canyon National Park, hoping that perhaps the snow would have melted by now, but we were sorely mistaken. So we drove all the way up there, played in the snow for a while, then made our way back with a nice stop at Anderson's Split Pea Soup Restaurant. It may seem like a worthless trip to some, but I think just getting out of the city and taking a nice, long drive did us both a lot of good, and it was a trip filled with good company.

Anyway, because there were new posts about the topic, I'm more than happy to continue to discussion over the Jericho show. But before that, I mainly just want to clear some stuff up first:
1)The people calling me "cunt" and such, are in no way related to Jericho.
2)I realize that a lot of the animosity over this issue has arisen because it was posted on a public space (albiet a personal blog). Sorry, but from what I can tell, this part of the debate is something that we might as well drop: I think that it was perfectly in my right, others feel I should have talked to the cast first. There will be disagreement, and that's okay.
3)I never meant this as a personal attack on Jericho, nor did I mean to imply that the group or castmembers are sexist or misogynistic. I did, however, mean to explicitly say that the CONTENT was sexist and misygynistic.
4)I never offered any SPECIFIC suggestions as to how to improve the role of womyn on stage, and I'm sorry for offering criticism without offering solutions. I will try to remedy that here.
5)The group did rewrite the script of the second skit (the one I had the most problems with) for the second night. I can't say how this went, as I didn't see it, but I hear at least attempted to alleviate some of the major issues I had with the show.

So thanks to all the people still posting, including Thong, John and the other two posters. I agree that sex and stuff is very subjective, as I get pissed off everytime my classmates in my human sexuality and reproduction groan whenever there's talk of anal play, which I think is perfectly well and fine, but nevertheless I still feel like the ads for porn on the sxxxy.org site are pretty degrading towards womyn.

Thanks to John for defending my masculinity while also breaking down the idea that it is something that all people with penises should be striving to attain. The idea of masculinity defined by some of the previous posts were also blatantly homophobic, sexist, and misogynistic, and I feel like a more inclusive definition should be used. Preferrably, one that doesn't create such a state of binaries that the common usage of "masculinity" suggests.

To Anonymous 1: Once again, I know Jericho is all about improv and comedy, and not specifically about feminist issues or politics, but once again, I don't think that should excuse a group from being held accountable for the material they present to the public. Also, I know that the cast is composed of a lot of womyn, and I do realize how talented they all are, but I also don't think that this is empowering if they are portraying themselves in manners that work against breaking down stereotypes. Just as talented Asian American actors can empower the Asian American community, if they just take stereotypical roles, I would even venture to say that they are more harmful to the community as a whole than helpful. Finally, I think we just differ slightly on our points of view about the offensiveness of the content, which is fine.

To Sato de Italia: Nice to hear from you, and I appreciate the distinction you brought up between critiques and criticizing. I know the original post was more of the latter, which I regret, but yeah. Thanks.

I kinda said these suggestions in round-about ways, but more explicit suggestions on how groups could help break down sexism in the media are as follows:

1)Have people who stand on their own, without their existence only being justified by someone of the opposite sex. For example, womyn characters can be very sexual, but if their sexuality is their only point of reference, that can be problematic. This is especially problematic when it's womyn being sexual in reference to men (due to the socialized power structure), although vice-versa is almost as bad. This can usually be remedied by the creation of complex, three-dimensional characters.

2)Womyn can act as stereotypes, but SUBVERT them somewhere along the line. I'm fine with seeing stereotypes on stage, as long as they are used politically to make the audience reconsider the validity of these stereotypes. Granted, this is really hard to do on a universal level, as sometimes audiences will think you are promoting something rather than speaking out against it. I honestly can't offer any concrete ways of doing this, as this is something I try to do (and sometimes fail at) in my own plays and skits, but it is something that has to be evaluated on a case-by-case basis.

3)Don't reward sexism and such. If you are going to have characters that are "bad" (ie. racist, sexist, homophobic, etc), you can have them deliver funny lines at the expense of other characters. But in the end, they need to get what they deserve. Don't give them the last line (which would give them power), and make sure they are justly punished for their bigotry. If you're going to have some guy making sexist jokes, he should have his arms accidentally cut off or go bankrupt or both.

So those are my three main suggestions as to how performing arts groups can be more politically sensitive and less offensive (at least to me).

Basically, feel free to post more if anyone wants to discuss any of this further. I will hopefully be able to meet with some cast members to talk in person about this and come up with some sort of resolution to this "conflict" or whatever it is. But discussion is always good, and although I don't have anything really new to add that I haven't said before, I'll kind of lay this topic to rest for now.

Happy Birthdays to Corbin and Donny. I was in Stockton to celebrate their birthdays, and it was quite the blast. From snowboarding a good 7 hours after 2 hours of sleep, to then drinking late into the night, to shooting shotguns, to playing pool and eating Japanese food, it was awesome to the max. Hope the birthdays was a good one.

I must remark that the conditions on Saturday were amazing. From the powdery banks to the groomed areas that were pretty damn soft, it was a good time. I'm still slowly improving, and we even went down a sort of naturally-made half-pipe-type valley thing, which I sort of successfully boarded through. Donny has vastly improved (due to the frequency of his outings), and now kicks my ass thoroughly in boarding. And Corbin has always kicked my ass in any "extreme" sport. Fuckers. People that we still need to take: Patrick and Eve. We'll get you two on the slopes soon enough.

Also: Fight Night 3 for Xbox 360 is a really entertaining game, but the more and more I think about it, it can serve as an interesting reflection of modern boxing: Why are all the competitors either Black Americans (or African-Americans, depending on your preferred term usage) or Mexican Americans/Latinos? There's something strange about seeing minority-minority violence glorified...

Note: I really hate the conservative majority that makes up Stockton. Especially those that work with Donny. I think they'd fucking lynch me there. For reals.

I've been having some weird dreams lately. Hopefully tonight will be one of good rest, and dreams that don't make me ponder life so much.

Tonight Eve and I went to Kirala's again, where we enjoyed most of our favorites, including the Chawanmushi, Natto rolls (I LOVE NATTO), and Salmon Teriyaki, among other yummies. Good good times.

Anyway, I'm tired, and Eve has been using my laptop to more easily work on her thesis while I was in Stockton, so I'll give it back to her so she can finish it up. Wish her luck!

Stupid Gmail

2006-03-20T15:31:00.000-08:00

So a quick update: yes, I left the exhibitionsist site up on purpose, so thanks to whomever pointed that out.

Also, yeah, seriously, I had no idea things were going to get this crazy, but eh, so it goes. Maybe a forum or something would help?

Anyway, on something unrelated to the craziness, Gmail is starting to piss me off. I use it to send files to myself a lot, and it keeps giving me this server error BS. Jerkwad Beta testing. But I guess the awesome features and whatnot outweighs the craptastic server errors. But we shall see.

Anyway, I have a midterm tomorrow night that I need to study for, so yeah, I'm going to go do that. Laters.

Controversy

2006-03-19T23:53:00.000-08:00

Woo! It looks from my recent floods of comments that people don't like what I have to say. So thus, I will post my comments about certain issues that their comments bring up.

First off, I do apologize for not talking to Cathy or Moujan (the producers of Jericho) earlier. The fact is, that I was planning on talking to everyone I knew in the cast after the show, but since I walked out of it, I didn't have that opportunity. I probably should have sent them a personal email, but I don't apologize for posting what I did. Granted, it was not formed in the most constructive manner, and I do apologize for that, but I stick to the general message of it, mainly being that I thought the show was offensive due to what I perceived to be sexist and misogynistic.

However, I just emailed both Cathy and Moujan, and I assume will be having some sort of dialogue with them soon. In response to Cathy's comment about this being a monologue: Yes, it is MY blog, so a majority of the content will be written by me. I allow my readers to make comments in order for them to give their side of the argument. Since Moujan said "I don't feel the need to defend the show through the internet.." then this post will mainly apply to the other people who have posted comments.

Another quick thing: Thanks to Cathy for pointing out that I do have a link to sxxxy.org on my "fun stuff" link. I agree, that the content there is filled with ads that are pretty sexist and misogynistic. I originally started reading the site a long time ago, when it pretty much exclusively featured news articles about the world of sex. More recently, it's taken up ads and filled up with a lot of porn and shit like that. It's a shitty excuse, but I don't visit my own blog very often, and I haven't really looked at what is up on the links part. Thus, I'm taking down the ones that are basically shitty porn sites.

So in response to Jonathan's post, I'd first like to thank him for such a lengthy and well thought-out comment. First off, I agree on the point that some womyn (I'll talk about the spelling later) have chosen to assert themselves an "highly sexualized" manner, and I'm perfectly fine with that. I didn't find that offensive, and when one of the cast-members doing the "sexual wife character" held up her breasts and said "let's have sex," I didn't have a problem with the fact that she was asserting her sexuality. What I found offensive is that this was in response to a call out for "better wife." By answering this call for a better wife with a highly sexualized womyn, this is basically saying that a wife's value is based upon how often she wants sex. And yes, I do understand that Jericho is run by two womyn, although I feel like that does not excuse the fact that it was, at least in my mind, sexist and offensive. If I went out and said "Dude, all Asians DO like math," the fact that I'm of Asian decent doesn't excuse the fact that I'm perpetuating a stereotype. In fact, in my mind, that's even worse.

Also, I personally do not mind seeing people portray stereotypes of themselves in certain circumstances. I think that if you are using the stereotype of try and undermine the stereotype, then it's fine. But when you are using stereotypes for cheap laughs, I'm don't really find this useful. Margaret Cho's impression of her mother pops into mind, and I've always been made a bit uncomfortable about this, and I don't know her routines enough to really justify it, so I won't. Also, Theatre Rice recently had a skit that basically threw up stereotypes, and I also had a problem about their use of stereotypes for cheap laughs. Overall, I agree that it is a tough, fine line to walk, and that it is hard to create comedy that is intelligent, funny, politically sensitive, and creative, but I think that it's a line that needs to be walked.

Although I think I covered most of the points that I wanted to make about Cathy and Moujan's comments, I am interested in the fact that although Cathy did call this a monologue (which, again, I'm not really denying), she didn't decide to write anything in general defending the show but only tried to attack my character with the porn thing, and comment that she found it "interesting that someone who lacks a vagina, cunt, furburger (or whatever you choose to call it) is taking the intitiative to tell [her] how to conduct [her] group." Well, I found a few things troubling with this. First, I don't think it should matter what my sex is whether or not I found the show to be sexist. My sex (or gender) shouldn't determine whether or not I found the show offensive or sexist. Second, I'm not telling you how to run your group. I'm just stating my opinions concerning the content of the show. I think your show was sexist and misogynistic, and that's that. I personally think that you should cut down the amount of offensive material, but what you do is entirely up to you.

Next, on to Adam's comment. I think the main thing that I wanted to point out was my use of the word "radical" in "radical feminism." The term stems from the "radical feminist" movement, which considers itself radical because it redefines feminism as the movement to combat sexism, in all of its forms, and to instill sex and gender equity. Feminism is generally defined to mean the belief in the ending of the oppression of womyn. Thus, radical feminism distinguishes itself in that it means to end inequality, no matter who is perpetrating it. I've personally found that due to the heaping amount of shit womyn have to deal with in this androcentric society we live in, there is a lot of backlash against men in SOME (not all) feminist communities. Thus, radical feminism is about the equality of men and womyn, not the degrading of men, but the equalizing of both genders in society. So there is no self-hatred of my beliefs in any way.

Also, I understand that the linguistically, the roots of the word "woman" is gender "neutral." However, it is a political choice to use to word "womyn" in order to allow womyn to stand on their own, without having any linguistic reliance on "men" or "man" to stand on. Language reinforces beliefs, and even if the roots of the word may have not been oppressive, the choice to use "womyn" is a choice I have made in order to try and allow womyn to stand on their own without any reference to a man or men.

Finally, about the statement: "I assume that somewhere along your education at Cal, you were emasculated and didn't even realize it, and now you embrace feminism as the 'progressive' struggle for social and sexual equality, and it appeases your 'guilty' conscience for being a man."

Please. I do embrace radical feminism as a struggle for social and sexual equality, although I've moved past the guilt of being a man. I have a very solid idea of my identity, and that includes both what are stereotypically considered masculine and feminine aspects. I've come to terms with the privileges that come along with being a man in an androcentric society, and I now try to use these privileges in order to work towards a society that is more equal for everyone.

Personally, I feel like your comments are more of a shot at me (ie. saying that I'm emasculated, confused, and self-hating) than any defense of the show. They are my own opinions, and I'm sticking to them.

On to Joey.Nguyen's comments. Well, there wasn't much there. So I decided to go to follow the links to his blog. After reading the post that pertains to me, I really want to laugh. The basic assumption that because something sexist is alright if it is produced by two womyn is what I perceive to be sexist itself. Just as if something is racist being produced by a minority is racist, or something abilist produced by a disabled person is still abilist, something sexist produced by womyn is still sexist. See, this is where the radical feminist part comes in. Gender EQUALITY, people. Both men and womyn should be held accountable for putting up misogynistic stuff. And I know the way that society wants me to spell "women," I just don't think society is right. See above for more.

Also: "I like comedy and I like boobies. If seeing a woman squeeze her breasts and jump up and down is offensive to you, then you should cut off your penis and give it to someone who can use it." I think this is a bit misogynistic and homophobic. Once again, it's the personal attack on me, rather than any intellectual defense of the show. Sigh.

I already posted in response to Julius, so thanks!

Finally, "lern how to spel"'s comment. "Wow, a lot of sand in your mangina... also, no douche
I read some of your post. Why some, you ask? Because I decided to stop .1% through due to the offensiveness towards my sense of humor. Stop bitching, you cunt."

So I wanted to thank whomever wrote this as it links to wikipedia's definition of "womyn" and where it comes from. So you can disagree all you want, it is my own personal choice to use it, so there.

Also, this does not really defend Jericho at all, either. This makes me thank Jonathan even more for replying in an intelligent manner. "Stop bitching, you cunt." Since I'm assuming this poster isn't praising me in the reclaiming-of-the-word-"cunt"-and-"bitch" sort of way (check out "The Vagina Monologues" or Igna Muscio's "Cunt: A Declaration of Independence), and is using "bitching" and "cunt" in derogatory ways, it really goes well to defend something I'm claiming to be misogynistic and sexist. And if by "well," you mean "poorly." This reinforces the sexist society we live in, and the reason why I find it important to speak out about instances where sexist material is given stage time.

Extra props to Julius and Jonathan for giving me something to work with. I appreciate your perspectives on the show, and it was nice having something more about the content of the show rather than my own personal character to talk about. Sorry if people got all offended at what I said, and I'm sorry that I didn't say it in the most constructive way, but it makes me think that if I wasn't so right, people wouldn't be so upset. I try not to make assumptions, but I feel like most of the people posting comments are just having trouble dealing with their internal issues, whether it be sexism or whatever. But, assumptions just fuck things up, so disregard the past statement.

All in all, people's comments have only made me surer of myself in posting what I did. So thanks everyone, for showing me how much work still needs to be done. I'm sure there will be much more to post about this later. Goodnight!

Woo!

2006-03-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

First of all, thanks to Julius for responding to my post about Jericho's Improv show on Saturday.

I mainly agree with Julius' conclusions, which I understand to be that yes, they did blow it in the second skit BIG time, and that yes, they basically are a really young class that haven't had the background in political consciousness that I've had, nor the rigorous squad of Ricers that do a quality control over material that goes up. They also got humor the cheap way, and that's fine.

Also, regarding to the whole Family Guy thing. Yes, I agree that it's funny probably because it's offensive for the sake of being offensive. I was talking to Nathaniel today, and we agreed that Family Guy does it more out of the fact that being offensive to EVERYONE is basically it's schtick, and that it does a damn good job about it. Also, there's a difference between being offensive for offensive's sake and doing a good job of it. Jericho may have been going for this, but I feel like their execution of it was of poorer quality than that of Family Guy. Also, Family Guy has a team of professional writers, so I'm not harping on Jericho for this.

But Eve had brought up a point which I forgot to point out earlier, in which she asked me what was the real redeeming quality of being offensive because they can. Is Family Guy only tolerated because they are so entertaining? Probably yes. But seriously, what is the real redeeming social quality of showing something like that? Well, not much, as far as I can figure. I mean, I enjoy Family Guy, even with the Tricia Takenawa bit, but seriously, there is much better programming out there (both animated and live) that I think is much more worthwhile.

I think that's pretty much how I wanted to respond to Julius, but I may post more later on this topic, as it's something I'm constantly thinking about, but I'm in my physics discussion :)

The main thing I wanted to say, was

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EVE!

and also, equally important,

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EVE!!!

Okay, that's pretty much it :) Aishteru yo Eve-chan! Aku cinta kamu!

Now back to the non-understanding what's going on...

Wow, a lot of posts in a few days...also, improv critique

2006-03-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

Yes, I've been posting a lot in the last few days, but it's kinda due to the fact that I have free time now, so yeah.

Anyway, so the main reason that I'm writing, is that I saw the Jericho Improv show tonight. Well, correction, I saw some of the Jericho improv show tonight. Why some, you ask? Because Eve and I decided to walk out midway through due to the offensiveness of the show. Let me also point out, that as an actor/writer/director/whatever, I really don't walk out in the middle of performances out of respect to the artists, but I was so uncomfortable there I had to get out.

Besides the fact that the intro was really, really, really long, I saw numerous things that made me cringe. tThe first act was the Armando. Some points were really good, but there was a lot of mysogynistic elements again and again, including an improv actor setting up a scene with a fully automated house. When a womyn stepped in to play his wife, someone said something, then the actor said "new wife," to which a new female actor stepped in and immediately said something along the lines of 'let's have sex." If you don't see what's wrong with this, I'll point it out for you: it's the basic denegration of a wife to a sexual object purely existing in reference to the husband. Yes, that's what's called sexism.

Things of this nature occurred more than once in the Armando, but okay, I'm used to Improv people getting caught up in the moment, then blurting something out, then the rest of the players go along as they don't want to break the scene. I don't excuse it, but I can see how it can happen.

However, the sketch comedy was what drove me to walk out. The first skit: the only womyn character was your stereotypical crack whore who is dressed provacatively and wants sex. The second skit: a womyn comes to greet her comatose husband who has just come back after being out for 6 years. He divorces her on the basis that she is a crack addict, and makes light of the fact that she hates her mother and was abused by her father. Weee, let's make fun of domestic violence and broken homes! The third skit has a womyn on stage for about a minute, for the sole role of being shouted at. Also, the only other womyn character just wants to have sex.

Wow. I haven't seen something this mysogynistic in a long time. Like, seriously, there are people in this group that should have known better. But come on, team, what the fuck was that? There were some cool concepts, like the idea of someone who speaks for you, and spider-man in an office setting, but you basically ruined the skits for me by having such material that would deeply offend any radical feminist.

And I have, for a long time now, asked if maybe I was being over-sensitive about issues such as feminism, racism, etc., etc. But I've come to the conclusion that no, I'm not being over sensitive. If you think I am, you a)aren't sensitive enough, and b)probably don't see the larger picture between identity politics and the media. Email, call, or respond if you don't get it. I'd be happy to explain. And also let me make the distinction between political correctness, and poltical sensitivity. Political correctness is something I don't always agree with. Political sensitivity is being sensitive to the issues behind political correctness and then either being PC or choosing not to be PC-but for a distinct purpose of subverting common stereotypes and hurtful forms of oppression. Political sensitivity is what I try to strive for in my writing.

However, I realize that I used to be just as bad. I liked having offensive stuff in skits just to make people upset. I even wanted to have a skit where we would have a giant banner that has every possible thing you could be offended of written on it, and each item would be checked off as we went through the skit purposely offending everyone. But then I realized, what the fuck is the point of that? I was younger and stupider back than, and now I see how dumb I really was being.

There is a difference between being a piece of offensive comedy, and being satirical. If JEricho was really trying to subvert things, and show an example of, I don't know, maybe the way womyn are horribly treated in some relationships, then please, I'd like to apologize for not getting it. However, I didn't see it as satirical, but just as offensive.

I was talking to Eve about how I was confused to why I thought Family Guy was alright, while I see much more problematic things in other forms of media. I then came to the conclusion that I think that it is a satire on the American family, and that it's okay to be offensive, as long as you offend everyone equally. But in retrospect, is it really a satire, or is it just a cheap facade to hide offensiveness behind? I couldn't really think of any good messages Family Guy had to share that wasn't somehow undermined by a last minute joke, so if you could, I'd like to hear from you. But I've decided that although it entertains me, Family Guy is no longer in the playlist until I can find something redeeming about it.

Also, I still wonder about satire. What happens when the writer or actor intends something to be satirical, but comes across just as offensive? Or what if they are just hateful little bigots, but it comes off as being satirical? What then? Is there any way to figure out the right connection between audience and performer and writer? How can we go about presenting questionable material and not have it taken the wrong way? Lots of questions, few answers right now.

So if anyone has any enlightening answers to these ideas, or questions, or anything about this, I'd love to talk more on the subject. Also, I'm sorry to all the performers I didn't get to see perform after I left. But such is life. hit me up. Especially anyone that was in, or saw, the Jericho show.

Holy Caca

2006-03-10T11:31:00.000-08:00

So I woke up at 8am this morning, feeling completely rejuvinated. I am still congested, but my POUNDING FUCKING HEADACHE that I had yesterday went away. I went to sleep at 6, woke up at 8, then went back to sleep until about 10. I took a shower, which turned into me taking a bath, then a shower, and that helped for a few minutes with the congestiveness, but the snot came back with a passion soon after. I forced myself to eat instant wonton and a bite of ravioli last night at around 11, then I took a vicodin with an entire nalgene bottle worth of water, then I fell asleep.

I woke up at 8, and I had dry mouth, but the headache was gone. I drank another nalgene, and started painting, and I seem to be relatively okay now. I think I just need to keep drinking lots of water and getting some food in my tummy and I'll be okay.

Oh yeah, my dream. I had a strange fucking dream where my dad died. Yeah. I didn't know what of, but I was at the Stockton Buddhist Temple, and we were having a funeral for my dad. I was sitting next to my brother, and for some reason we got gifts. I guess my dad had two other children, and they got gifts first as the sons, and I was like "what the fuck?" But then Mick and I got larger gifts. Strange. I remember my dad always saying that you don't treat funerals the same way until your own parent dies, and I remember kinda believing him, then I was all choked up and constantly crying after the funeral was over.

I then found out that standard dead father wear is a denim button up shirt and khaki slacks with shin-high cowboy boots that have teal accents on them, as when I left the funeral there were a lot of older men walking around dressed like that, and my dad was one of them. Apparently, I was the only one that could still see my dad, and I tried to toss him some keys, but someone walked into the hallway where we were, and he vanished, and the keys fell into another room. Strange.

But yeah, then I woke up, and called my dad's work. He wasn't there, so I figured it must be his friday off, so I waited until 10 to call him up and make sure he wasn't dead. He isn't. So that is good. Strange dream, but it didn't really seem like a premonition or anything, so I'm hoping no one I know suddenly keels over today.

Good news: I'm going to the botanical gardens with Eve soon, as well as hitting up the Jericho! Improv show tonight. Awesomeness. I just have to remember to bring a shitload of facial tissue and my nalgene.

Additional info:
-I bought a respirator so I can spraypaint in my room without worry of brain damage
-I bought a character design mag that came with free software. Looks promising.
-I threw up a little last night.

Okay, that's it. later.

Dag namit

2006-03-09T18:06:00.000-08:00

My head hurts, I'm stuffed up, congested, and I apparently have a bacterial infection via the color of my snot.

Just in time for the weekend of trips and such. Fuckin' shit fuck.

Sorry Bev for skippin' out on you. I'll beg you for notes later.

poop.

I can't sleep

2006-03-09T01:08:00.000-08:00

So I'm getting sick, and in an attempt to fight my oncoming illness, Eve was kind enough to make me dinner (a nice, sour soup) and the mythical cure-all, ginger and lemon tea-broth-extract-thingy. Also, I went to bed at 10pm. Sadly, I woke up, and knowing me, I won't be able to sleep for at least another two hours. Sigh.

Update: I've killed two more mice, and I saw at least one more, so the body count is up to 4, hopefully 5 in the morning. I'm pretty disgusted at my current living conditions, which I think everyone who has ever lived with me knows is pretty bad, but at least I've never had mice before.

I got a 47 out of 100 on my Physics midterm, and I think I still have a strong C. Take that!

I have a fun filled weekend coming up, as we're celebrating both Eve's birthday as well as our 1 year anniversary come March 14. Huzzah! It really seems like we've been together longer and shorter at the same time, but I guess that's a good thing.

Anyway, just wanted to update quickly. Goodnight.

Death

2006-03-07T09:32:00.000-08:00

There is a dead mouse with its spine sundered by a Victor brand mouse trap that I set last night. The little mouse is laying half on the trap, the metal wire pressing into the middle of his back.

I am kinda sad, but am also happy that my shit (ie food) won't get eaten, and there won't be hanta-virus carrying shit (ie shit) on my floor.

I felt kinda oogly about killing this little fucker, but alas, it is done. Eve suspects there is another one, and that is why I have a second trap set up.

In other news, my throat hurts and I feel like shit. It's going to be a long day.

sIGH

2006-03-06T01:43:00.000-08:00

Oooh, that was kinda ugly, with the caps lock on and off for the title...

Anyway, sorry for the lack of posts. The past week starting on Wednesday was pretty hectic for me.

Well, Tuesday night, I got a call saying I got the Sprite.Com shoot, and that although they initially told me it was going to be this weekend, it was in fact going to be on Wednesday.

So I got to sleep in a bit on Wednesday, as my call time was 1:30pm, and I ended up getting there early, going to safeway for some snacks, then meeting the crew underneath the I-80 overpass by 3rd street. So I changed into a grey hoodie with bright yellow rain gear over that. I also had a grey ski mask thing and goggles. The absurd premise, was that of a "urban chameleon," as one crew member put it. I basically stand in front of a constructed wall that gets spraypainted over, and then I jump out and scare someone walking by since I got my back spraypainted as well.

I won't bore you with the behind the scenes look at the shoot, but after I got painted on a little, due to the health concerns and me not wanting to stand in place for 20 minutes while two guys tagged up the wall, I got swapped out for a dummy, then I changed back into the dummy clothes and shot the rest of the scene.

Overall, it was a long day, but I got to keep the painted clothes, as well as new pair of cheap white shoes, goggles, a ski mask, and the hoodie. Score. I also snagged $250 for 5 hours work. Not bad.

After I got home, I ended up meeting some Physics study buddies and did problems and studied for my Asian Studies MT until around 12-something. I drove one of them home, then started studying again.

I ended up with about 6hours of sleep, then I woke up and skipped both yoga and physics lecture, as I had to study for my Asian studies midterm at 2pm. After I finished that (which wasn't that bad), I started studying again for physics, and I took a food break, then headed out to take the exam at 7pm. I finished at 9:something, clocking in about 2 hrs, 10 minutes. Kinda shitty, as I probably did a few of the problems wrong, and the exam was written to be done in 90 minutes, even though we were given 3 hours. Eh.

Friday Eve and I went to the women of color film festival, which was actually pretty good. The best piece of the night was probably "Breakin' In," a documentary about three dancers trying to make it big in hip-hop dancing. Very insightful as to how shitty and mysogynistic the industry is, and how hard it can be following your dreams. The only sad thing was the lack of people there, as the PFA wasn't filled up to nearly half-capacity. Sigh. I think the conference/festival needs better publication to non-students.

Saturday, we headed out to CCA (California College of the Arts) in SF for their open house. We took a tour of the facilities, and managed to ask a few questions and check out the kind of work coming out of the school. Overall, I liked it a lot, and Eve REALLY likes it, so we're both thinking of perhaps applying their for a MFA since it looks likes we could potentially both be doing post-bacs at SFAI.

After the tour, we hit up Pacific Catch. Oh god, the food is soooo good there.

Saturday night we hit up the Theatre Rice Midsemester Show with Roz and her date. The show was pretty good over all, although there were some rough patches. I felt that the first scene and the monologue could have been worked on a lot more, in terms of blocking and characterization, but the third scene was really quite superb. Very subtle and poignant. Good work, though, team. Improv was pretty good, especially working with my suggestion of "donkey farm" for half-lives. I felt there was some spotlight-stealing and denying by one of the improvers, but overall it went fairly smooth. Oh yeah, and I felt like the last few scenes need to be cut shorter. Like, a lot shorter, as I felt it starting to drag, and I don't like it when improv starts to drag. Don't be afraid to swipe the scene! Comedy Troupe was also pretty darn good, although I had issues with the first skit being kinda shallow and just full of stereotypes. The womyn roles weren't that great, and I felt like the first skit got lost in itself. The second skit was really good, however, as it managed to come off a bit offensive at first, but managed to round itself down at the end where it leaves the audience pondering a deeper message. The third skit was just pure fun and comical coolness(like the chair gag, the sock puppet, and the sparkles and rose petals). My overall concern was that it was very Chinese-centric, as there was a large focus on what seems to be Chinese families and film stereotypes, which may alienate some of the audience.

Overall, though, I enjoyed the show a lot, and it was nice to be in the audience of a Rice show for the first time in 3 years.

Today was a bit rough at first, as I woke up late and just headed over to see Lisa in "Seven Lears." Frankly, I didn't really like the play, and overall, the acting was kinda bad. Granted, a lot of it was the stylized acting of the director, who apparently isn't very good, mixed with a script that isn't the best either, but still. Cool sets, some neat special effects, but overall, ug. It's hard when all the departmental productions I've seen have been pretty shitty, besides Harvest. And also, each production is like 3 fucking hours long. I mean, damn. But whatever. I guess it's just like old theatre rice shows, but I guess that also says something about the quality of deparmental productions. Lisa and Jeena were superb, as always, as well as a lot of the smaller roles, but some of the leads were kinda comical when they shouldn't have been. It was getting to the point that Eve and I were glad we weren't a part of the production. Woof.

Anyway, so now it's late, and I'm blogging and playing wow, and I'm about to go to sleep. So goodnight!

Life is fuck...kinda

2006-02-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

Sigh.

So as per usual, life has been going on the up and down dealy thing for me.

So I auditioned for a Sprite.com commercial. I think I pretty much have the part, but I'll have to miss class again on Wednesday to film it. Look at me, selling a Coca-cola product, which means I'm basically helping the murder of union organizers in Colombia. Great. There goes my morals again. They can't make any final decisions until Monday, but as of now I'm the top choice for the role, so it's pretty much in the bag, although I don't want to get too excited.

I went in for my SFAI interview today. Good points: the professor I interviewed with told me I "have raw talent and raw ideas." Also, I got my painting back that I sent in. Also, they like the fact that I have a non-traditional background, at least in terms of art school students. Bad points: My work is kinda "all over the place and needs some focus." Also, I lack any sort of college-level art history. Thus, I'm not getting into the MFA program, but I think he's recommending me for the post-Bac program. Ug.

Walking out of the interview, I couldn't help but to think of the lyrics "People trying to tell us all we need is some focus/but focus/focus is overrated/cause you see every blemish and mistake and can't change it." I think focus is boring. I want to do art that's all over the place. I mean, having a distinct style is cool, but I don't want to paint the same damn shit in different ways over and over again. Sigh. Maybe art school isn't for me?

I can't tell yet if I'm just discouraged, or if this is just telling me that maybe the way I want to do things don't mesh with institutionalized art. Ug. We'll see, I guess. I guess a year of post-Bac will probably be good, as at least it'll show me whether or not art school really is for me. Craziness.

So this Sunday I'll probably be going down to Stockton to work on music with Glasswall. Hopefully Eve will be able to come with me, but we'll see how her portfolio is coming.

To make myself feel better, I went and bought two killer pandas and the Dave Choe calendar. Stupid retail therapy. Although I do feel much better.

I have two midterms this week, and I am vastly unprepared. Lovely. At least I'm supposed to meet with people tomorrow to work on physics problems.

Oh, and I just realized that I probably use the "life is fuck" thing a lot, and it's a quote from Dave Choe's book "Bruised Fruit." It was a gift from Bruce for my birthday one year, and I think that was one of the things that really started getting the ball moving with me and visual arts. Good times. Thanks B.

I've never had much focus in my life. I think I really do want everything, and thus will continually spread myself thin. Eh. Such is my fate.

I think I'm going to snack, watch some anime, and then meet Eve for dinner. I should fit "cleaning" or "studying" in there sometime, but we'll see.

Rape is not cool

2006-02-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

I stole this from Adrienne's facebook page:

"A lot has been said about how to prevent rape.
Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

instead of that bullshit, how about:

if a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
if a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
if a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
if a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her.
if a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don't rape her.
if a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
if a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
if a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
if a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her.
if a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.

if a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
if your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
if your step-daughter is watching tv, don't rape her.
if you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
if your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend.

if your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
if your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.

tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it's not okay to rape someone.

don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
don't imply that it's in any way her fault.
don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl.
don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

If you agree, repost it. It's that important."

Seriously, fuck that shit (that shit = rape, if you didn't know)
~~~

In other news, I posted this last night at my shared blog with Eve, but decided to repost it, because a)no one really knows about it, and b)I don't publicize it because we don't use it that often because usually we post in our own respective blogs/xangas.

So yep.

I auditioned for a commercial for sprite.com. Haven't heard back from it yet, but it sounds like a potentially fun and interesting shoot. Doesn't pay the mad cash I'd like it to, but frankly, if they give me money I will be happy.

Today is a long day, and my GSI sprung some shit on me late last night, but it was my fault for missing section, as I was at the audition. So yeah, extra craziness, but whatevs.

I watched Rob Zombie's "The Devil's Rejects" yesterday. What the fuck is going through that guy's head? Basically, I wasn't really thrilled, although if you like shitty, crazy slasher films, check it out.

Anyway, I gotta go to yoga, so see you on the flip side.

Great googly moogly

2006-02-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

I just received notice that I am a finalist for the Masters of Fine Art in Painting program admissions process. I made it to the interview process!

I feel like a poo face for being a bit moody and depressed earlier today. Whew, gotta schedule my interview sometime tomorrow. Wooo!

Time to clean room

2006-02-18T14:04:00.000-08:00

I applied to get my passport yesterday. It was kind of a big deal, as I've never really been out of the country, and the one time I went to Mexico, I lost my driver's license in the sand of a bar, and I kinda freaked out thinking I wouldn't be able to make it out of Rosarito. And now, for a big jump, Eve and I are planning to go to Australia for a month. Craziness, ne?

I realize that I've embraced some "Japanese" culture a bit more recently. Granted, I still hate the patriarchal, stick-up-the-ass, small-quantities-of-everything aspects of Japan, but I feel like I'm more Japanese, which is neither good nor bad. I find myself saying "Gomen" instead of "Sorry" in everyday language, "honto" instead of "really," and I even buy Japanese snacks on a consistent basis now. Granted, this stuff doesn't make me really Japanese, but going from my near lack of anything Japanese (besides eating Japanese food when I went out) since maybe Junior High, it's nice to be back. And this stuff was pretty common when I was little, so I don't know what happened. Oh yeah, socialization. Forgot about that.

Anyway, so I had lunch with Leikauf at Tako Sushi, and it was a good deal. On pure coincidence, and the fact that both Eve and I eat at Tako Sushi a lot, Eve and Lisa ended up walking into to Tako. It was kinda weird, but funny. Lunch was cool, then we went back to my place to hang out. Have a safe drive to a with Mitchbo.

Meg is driving up to Berk this weekend, so hopefully later I'll get a chance to catch up with her. Good times.

I have this tupperware filled with old rice, bits of ginger, and it looks hella nasty. That is one reason today will be "clean the fucking pigsty" day.

Another, more shameful main reason to clean the room is that I have an intruder. A little fucking brown mouse has been crawling through my piles of paper and clothes and other random shit and has been munching on the various food items left on the floor. So far, it has eaten a Wonka bar, two chocolate powerbars, a package of Ichiban ramen, and a few various pieces of chocolate.

So now, my room is officially DIRTY. Not just messy, but now that I have to use gloves to dig through things and rid myself of mouse poo, I can officially say that something needs to change.

I was thinking of what I'm going to really do with all my shit when I move (anyone that has ever visited me knows I have a lot of clutter), and I have no idea. I realized that when I move in to SF, I'll have to buy a bed, mattress, desk, dresser, and bookshelf, as all of that is co-op owned.

Either way, I need to clean my room today.

Anyway, I'm going to get to it. Get on the dirty, cleaning clothes, grab some gloves, and get funky. By the way, I'm trying not to kill the mouse, but I may have to. Sorry little guy.

Oh, and I'll update my photo blog today also. :D

Hope?

2006-02-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

So I rechecked SFAI's website, and they listed actual dates now. It says they're notifying finalsist by mail from Feb. 13-17, so I still have a chance. Granted, I don't want to get my hopes up, but the waiting anxiety has been pushed back a few more days. Also, the fact that SFAI is apparently pretty slow in their mailings means that if I was getting a finalist notification, I might not get it for a while. Crazy.

Anyway, so the Vagina Monologues were very fun, and the cast party was pretty sexy and fun too. Sunday's show was probably the best overall as everyone went ovaries-out, and rocked it hard. Fun fun times. I saw the show three times, and it was entertaining each time. It was THAT good.

I have a midterm tomorrow night that kinda snuck up on me. I have 16 pages of typed notes to memorize by tomorrow night at 6:30. I'm really tired, so I'll probably review the notes really quickly once tonight, then sleep on it. Hopefully I'll get up early tomorrow, print them out on campus, and get about 2 hours worth of studying in sometime tomorrow. It's sexual health and reproduction, so I'm not too worried about it, although it is a bit more in depth than what I know.

Stupid ruined surprise. Kitty-chan!

We had a radical feminist come in to talk in our Social Revolution class today, and I've to the conclusion that I do identify as a radical feminist. We were talking about the mutiple dimensions of our identity, including our oppressions and privileges. Also, there are parts of our identity that we are born with, and parts that we choose to identify as. It provides for a long-ass description, but a much more complete one.
For example, I came up with my identity as such:

I am an American of Japanese Ancestry that has male, heterosexual (as although I am fluid, I am in a relationship with a womyn), American, middle-class, and able-bodied, educational privilege. I am from a broken family and am the survivor of nonconsensual sex* and my aunt was killed when I was young. I am a radical feminist, activist, anti-imperisalist, anti-sexist, anti-heterosexist, anti-lookist, anti-racist, anti-classist, anti-abilist, anti-ageist, environmentalist, poet, writer, chef, actor, artist, filmmaker, student, dreamer, friend, brother, son, nephew, and boyfriend.

*We talked about the broader definitions of rape and sexual abuse, which we expanded to mean any non-consensual sex, even if physical violence is not a form of coercion. Sex due to fear of abandonment, shame, and having something dear witheld or taken away is considered rape. People being too intoxicated to consent who are coerced to have sex is also considered rape. The definition of rape widely varies, and the legal boundaries often place different versions of rape into a category of sexual assault, although some feel this takes away from the enormity of the experience.

I'm not sure if I have been raped or not. There are two distinct experiences in my life where I did not want to have sex, even though my body responded differently. Thinking back, I'm trying to figure out at what point did I actually give in. Did I change my mind on my own, or was I forced into it out of fear of shame or the fear of losing the person from my life?

I talk about sex so much, and am usually so enthusiastic about it, but there are times and circumstances (usually surrounding the case of unprotected sex) where I most definitely do not want to do it.

I can't tell if I don't want to call it rape because, as some argue, it would trivialize what happens to 1 in 4 women here in the United States, or if it out of shame. Who ever heard of a man getting raped by a womyn? Not that many people, but is it because it doesn't happen, or because no man wants to admit that he was sexually taken advantage of?

This whole thing makes me think about past partners...has anyone slept with me due to fear of me leaving the relationship, or fear of me thinking less of them? I hope not. If you did, I am eternally sorry for any trauma inflicted on you. I've always tried to be a respectful, caring person, but I do realize I've done some fucked up things in my life. I just hope that this isn't one of them.

I'm doing my best now to come to terms with the contradictions in my life. I'm anti-imperialist, but my buying habits show I support capitalism. I consider myself a radical feminist, but I still look at porn occasionally. Sigh. Although I have recently come to disagree with some of Ghandi's politics, he does have a quote I agree with, that you should "Be the change you want to see in the world."

I know I can't give up my life in order to devote it to changing the world. Eve says that maybe I am in a different way, but I don't know. I guess if I can just make myself more like the person I would want everyone to be little by little, day by day, that's all I can do.

The definition of radical feminism is the belief that womyn's issues are tied up with the same issues of everyone else, and thus the entire structure that supports patriarchy, racism, heterosexism, classism, lookism, abilism, ageism, and gender binaries needs to be rebuilt. I am proud to be a radical feminist, and am doing my best to be the best person I can be.
~~

I have a midterm I need to study for. Hope to get my passport and buy my plane tickets for Australia soon. Goodnight, goodnight.

Unfortunate Events

2006-02-13T17:26:00.000-08:00

Eve and I watched "Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events" last night, and I really liked it. Visually it was very dark and breathtaking, and it was an overall good time. I'm pretty sure there should be a sequal coming up sometime, and I'm anxiously awaiting it. That said, I still need to see the newest Harry Potter movie, as I heard it's scary and I watched the first three over Winter Break.

It was nice talking to Megsters on Friday. Hopefully we'll get to hang out sometime this weekend, as she might come up to Berk. Good times. Will have to take a notebook and write down recommended stuff to do in the land down under.

My mom brought me my birth certificate, so I can finally get my passport after countless months of talking about getting it. I should print out the forms and get it done this Friday.

Still haven't heard back from SFAI. I've decided that I'm just going to assume I didn't get into the Master's program, and just hope that I get accepted into the post-baccalaureate program. Sigh. Oh well. If you think that this is the start of the second week of February, I have hope, but if you think that this is the start of the third week, join with me in realizing my defeat.

Anyway, hopefully I'll get to go backpacking soon. Want to go trekking around Point Reyes, and do some fairly hardcore camping. It seems pretty easy (only like 7 miles per day with a max elevation change of 2000 feet), so I'm not too worried.

Kickball on Saturday was an awesome good time. Nice to meet some of the cool new Ricers, as well as taking part in the winning team in Kickball. Comeback! Also, I snagged a bunch of veggie burgers. Score.

The downside to this fun is that I am sore all over now. Shoulders, abdominals, lower back, arms, quads, feet, and partially calves = ouch. Hopefully I'll force these suckers back in their non-pain-causing place with yoga on Tuesday. Most likely, they'll get more sore and put me in my place in bed. Sigh.

Anyway, gotta go get ready for the last night of the Vagina Monologues. Sunday's show was pretty hot, and besides a few minor slip-ups, was much cleaner and better than Saturday's show. Hopefully the wonderful womyn (and Ian) keep up the energy and finish strong. Hardcore. I asked the stage manager if I can get a helper badge, as I've carried a couch twice thus far, but we'll see if I can get one. Woo!