Futch

So while at John Leikauf's Wet Hot American Summer party, I got a call from my dad. My grandfather fucking died around 11pm.

So I'll be in Stockton tomorrow. All you NSU actors: there's no fucking practice, so don't show up. Read your fucking email on a daily basis.

I'm drunk, and I have to fucking wake up early so I can make the service tomorrow in Stockton at 9am. Shit man.

if you see me drinking in the next few days. please stop me. I've come to terms that I do have a problem with alcohol (sometime), as this shit numbs the a pain. I can withold the urge to fucking cry my organs out through my tear ducts, mainly due to the numbing properties of alcohol.

I really want to call Megan up, but she's partying, and I don't want to fuck that up for her. Thank you to Kevin, Mitch, and the rest of the family for understainding. I relaly wanted to watch 3D porn with you guys, but I need my rest. Have fun, team Bundy.

I wonder if I've fooled you all so far. If you could only feel the pain I deal with on a daily basis, you would be surprised that I can wash it all away with a smile. Between guilt, shame, and self hatred, I'm not as self confident as you may think. My obsession with darkness brings my thoughts to suicide, but I'm too vain to ever actually take that garden hose to my exhaust pipe.

I'm not the person you think I am.

Goodnight.

Tons of work, busy bee, futch.

Yeah, so Friday was fun. Busy, but fun. I took my midterm (which I think I did alright on), then ate lunch with Pavla, met with the External Troupe, did my first recycling shift, met with NSU, then hit up Lyrical Mayhem with Val.

Lyrical Mayhem lasted longer than ever before, probably due to Jaylee's newfound fame, as well as Proletariat Bronze just blowing up the Slam scene. With four members on teams (Jimmy, Jason, Mesej1, and Jaylee), and two touring (Rupert and Leonard), they're kicking ass and taking names. Still, I must say, no Japanese American representation yet.

Afterwards, Val and I went to Mikebo's Eurotrash party. I was all decked out in eyeliner, my green boa, no shirt, my pleather jacket, tight jeans, maroon converse, and my hair was half-spiked, half-combed down. It was awesome. I caught the attention of everyone at the party, and as I swigged from a bottle of cheap champagne, I was happy. Dancing was fun as well. Very fun ;)

I feel like now that the first round of midterms has passed, it's just going to be a continual pile of school work. Papers for Asian Am, midterms in science classes, shitloads of readings.. UG. Oh well.

Today I headed out to Hayward with Alex Shen to a comic convention. I felt uber-nerdy, but it was fun, and I got some trade paperbacks and comic books at dirt-cheap prices. I wasn't there really for collector's value, but more for reading entertainment. Hot damn.

So good ol' Ji-Chan (aka, my grandfather), isn't doing too well. Apparently, he may not make it through the night. Fucking awesome. Man, I don't have time during the school year for people to fucking die on me. I barely make it home anyway, so what makes my relatives think that they can ask me to come home for an entire day and stuff. I got shit to do, and no time to bleed. Damn it.

On another note, I figured out that my defense mechanism is finally working correctly, as the last time I talked about Ji-chan, I was fighting back tears as I typed. Now, with my asshole-ness back in full bloom, I can type and not feel that knot in my throat or the water collecting in my tear ducts.

So, to take my mind off the pain eating away at my guts, I'm going to do what I was planning to do and go get drunk out of my mind tonight. Between a Wet Hot American Summer Party, 3d Porn at midnight, and a Rice event, I'm going to be good and drunk. I really should eat something, though.

Tomorrow, skit rehearsal from 11-7, then I may have to drive my ass back to STockton to deal with dead folks. Then, I'll have to drive my ass back to Berkeley as I have 9am class tomorrow. Plus, I have to read a fucking book and write a paper on it by Tuesday, as well as do a lab report by Monday night, and read for my other classes, blah blah blah. Fuck.

Anyway, I gotta go cook myself some food, as I spent money I shouldn't have at the comic convention, and I need to drink. Have a good evening all.